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  1. Very funny - bigway in California not ND. Just dont want to fly in the tunnel at the dropzone for a number of reasons. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  2. So you plan on losing 50 lbs in less than a month? I saw that tried a couple of times. They both wound up in the hospital with multiple and varying types of hypos. You may want to re-think this part of your game plan. The only tried and true method of losing weight is less calories in than calories going out. 50 lbs in a month is extreme. As soon as you’re body discovers the intake has been cut off, your metabolism will slow way down. Find a big old jump suit from the eighties, that’s what I did, it slowed my fat ass right down. Thanks for the advice jclalor and BIGUN, I know 50 lbs is a bit much but I have the fallrate dialed in more or less with my old balloon suit. Its my canopy wingload I need to get under 2.0 theres some rule for the bigway. May just have to tell manifest I have a 230 in my container. Tried the 'zone but ate all the bars by the second day. Tried a "cleanse" thanks to my wife - that cayenne burns worse on the way out than it does going in. I'm hopeful this one does the trick. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  3. Thanks for the advice. Not sure where you learned to skydive but I would never pencil pack my reserve. I am very safety consious - I just get a rigger who has a pencil to do it for me. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  4. California. Perris Valley. Been there a few years ago but first time being invited. Have a different license this time (thanks Canucks!). Hoping to put the politics behind me. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  5. What's up assh*les? Been trying to get jumping more again since getting recurrent. Its been rough between working the Bakken and trying to get time away from the ole ball and chain. Anyhoo, wangled an invite to a big-way "invitational" through bringing my log book "up to date" and some smooth talking on the phone. So should be on my way for some long due RnR around Feb 22. Will be my first 100-way so should be fun. Need to get my knees in the breeze before then so anyoen know the closest wind tunnel from Minot, ND? Havent been in one before but hearing it can help get the skills up. I don't want to show up and be the weak link in the chain. Also, need to lose like 50 pounds by then so I don't come screaming in like a bat outta hell on landing. Going to do the beach body diet tomorrow so I should be fine but any tips from former anvils appreciated. Anyone else going? Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  6. I paid 12 bucks for 12 grand. If I don't get it at the top I'm taking it out of the bottom. Don't see why DZOs dont get that. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  7. Where do you instruct at JohnMitchell? I don't feel quite current yet. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  8. Hey All, Long time no see. I was away for a couple of years (4 with good behavior) thanks to some unfortunate business decisions at my last employer. Lets just say I needed a recurrency jump to get back in the air. Its been a while since I last jumped and not too many of my old friends still do so I thought it would be fun to do an AFF and make some of these new-fangled instructors work for their money as I got my wings back on. Headed over to a DZ in Texas not far from me and signed up for a first jump course. I told manifest i didnt have ID and gave them my name (Phil Hix). No ones mistaking me for an 18 year old so no big whup. Got put in a class with 5 other maggots while some hippie went on about his instructions. I asked a lot of questions - What happens if the reserve don't work? Which way was North/South? Whats an AAD to make them think I was paying attention. When it came time to practice PLFs I think they were suspicous because it came so naturally to me. Anyhow after a lot of practice which I mostly ignored (I've jumped a few times - cmon!) we got geared up and I got assigned two 20-something instructors. On the way up I told them I was gonna pull at 2.5k by mistake but then quickly corrected to say 5.5k. We were the second group and when we were scooting to the front, the poor kid on my left didnt have a super firm grip on the harness. Sure enuff - I skip the silly "hotel check" they kept practicing and leave them both behind. Now, govt cheese isnt great but if you eat enough of it you put on the pounds. I fell like a rock. It was great to get my knees, butt and back in the breeze. I could see them closing the distance fast when I went back to my belly and let them get close enough before I pretended to tumble again. Caught one guy with his eyes wide as saucers and giving me the finger as he tried to catch me. I made sure to flip him off right back. Blew thru 5.5k when the dytter went nuts. At least I thought it was until I saw one of them pull like 10 feet in front of me. Fucker didn't bother to turn and track. When I looked down I realized and remembered I had reset the dytter they gave me to 2.5k and was going to be in the basement. No big whup - been there done that or so I thought. Couldnt find my pud! First time in almost 200 jumps! Tried one time before pulling my cutaway and reserve. The reserve opened like my old Sabre - hard and fast. Open under canopy at 1200 like the old days. I did a few turns looking for the DZ. Couldn't find it and so chose to land in a field not far from a county road. Skidded in for a landing. Realized I had no idea where the fuck I was. Woo hoo!! First jump in over 4 years felt great!!! I walked along the road for a while until the DZ pickup eventually found me. When I got to the DZ I was about to spill the beans and have a good laugh with my new friends when I realized they had almost shit themselves for losing a student and were being chewed out by the DZO. Didnt want to make things awkward - especially since they were all congratulating me on going to reserve with a high-speed mal. Think a couple of the 40-something bachelorete party doing tandems that day were especially impressed. I got a couple of numbers so a great day all in all! I think I'm going to do a couple more recurrency jumps because I'm very safety concious - it'll have to be at other DZs though. These guys aren't that bright but they will eventually catch on. So look for the old-timer first jump student in your next AFF class! Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  9. Hey fellow old-timers, after a long break (thanks to Uncle Sam/FL DOC) I am happy to say I am back in the air. got my knees in the breeze this past weekend. Because of all the politics and drama at my last DZ, decided to try something new. Penciled the reserve card with my buddys seal no, updated my logbook and showed up. Manifest chick didn't seem impressed by my big-way patches not even the 100 way from POPs a couple of years back. Prolly a freak flier with all the tats and nose ring. No big whup - she let me on. Jump went well. Been a couple of years since the last one so decided to keep it simple. Swooped the 2-way coach jump that went ahead of me and lurked while the "coach" did his thing. Decided to be safe and stay out of their way. Took it down to 2k, pulled, kicked out of line twists by 1200 and landed on the DZ. Heard manifest call my name on the ground, something about wanting to check my log book. Figured it was time to get going. Anyhow loved getting back in the game - gonna be touring a bunch of DZs so hope to see some familiar faces soon. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  10. Hey guys, I never do this but I need vibes - been out of the loop for 8 to 12 months thanks to uncle sam. Cant say much more but would appreciate vibes. Im sick of all the politics at the DZ. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  11. Way back in the day he rueeened my life. Now im back but I still go to meetings every week. Safety meetings. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  12. Hey All, I wanted to see how the dorkzone was doing and to report on some really trippy shit I've been up to this season. I have always enjoyed groundrush the feeling when the single points on the ground start to rush outwards or when the numbers on the runway get really big is sooo fucking cool to see. But Nazi DZOs (*cough*burke*cough*) have been cramping my lo-pullin style. So to become safer (I am very safety conscious) I was trying to figure out a way to pull high (hehe...) but still get the ground rush. Heres what I tried: 1. Simple optics - if the mountain wont come to Mo make it look closer so hes cool. I bought a pair of binoculars I saw on tv one night, picked up a used NVG helmet and I was stylin. Exited at 10.5 looked down and almost shit myself. Ground rush was way too much but there was a lot of shakiness. I couldn't tell where I was because I couldn't read my alti. I thought I was gonna go in right then. Aired my reserve after 3 years inthe bag because my main is a sniveler and the shock ripped the binoculars clean off. In the saddle at 8k feeling like an idiot. Told the DZO i had no idea what happene dto the tandem customers car in the lot. 2. Calm the brain down - make things seem fast. Toke up before you get on. If toking up at the DZ is not OK where you jump anymore, get yourself some brownies or cookies. One jump I added a tiny dot of a blotter and it was like being a student again. Got chewed out by the DZO for not flying the patters but I was smilin from ear to ear. Now I'm a high (hehe!) pullin rush-gettin skydiver again. Anyone have any other ideas? -Nipple Boy A-19820 P.S. I think the binoculars are a good idea if I can get them to stabilize. How do the guys on the monrning news helos do it? Satellite? "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  13. Hell yeah! My favorite are the ladies on the boderline of becoming a cougar, tandem students. Easy pickings especially if they know or think your an instructor, but before the haters at the DZ click ruin your ride. I mean lets be honest where else is a 40 something pudgy balding guy who lives in a trailer going to get any? Whats really pathetic are the guys who do one tandem and wear the "Touch me I'm skydiver" shirt to the grocery store on Thursday nights. Or the 100-jump wonders at the bar tellign women their badass skydivers. The only time I used my skydiving skills to get with a wuffo is the time I showed this chick the mantis position. It involves keeping your hands in front of you to keep her thighs out of the way as you eat at the Y. -Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  14. Marijuana is an important part of the safety culture in skydiving. I dont care if its legal or illegal in California because I will break the law if it means being a safer skydiver. Liek a hungry man stealing a loaf of bread. Hmmm hungry now. Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"
  15. I always jump with my cypress just in case I get knocked out by some yahoo on a zoo load. ANd to those of you doubters who think AADs are unreliable - yes theoreticly that is possible they dont work. But when mine was nearing its 4-year check I set the firing alt to about 2.5 and tested it in real life. I'm sure it works and that my reserve opens fast and hard (thats what she said). Nipple Boy A-19820 "Safety First! Fun Forever!"