Its quite long and nothing special, just thought I'd share it . Its a chilly winters night.....cold and crisp, the kind where the stars just seem that little bit brighter and where you see the breath billowing out of the people talking around you...much like the 'breath' out of the smoke stacks we use to assess the wind speed and direction. The pack job was a little rushed.....I snuck out of work early and in-between coffee and a tuna sandwich, wrestled the nylon into submission. One of the slider bumpers was cracked and in changing it I dropped the line groups off the connector link ...shit....I had to spend the extra time that I didn’t have, checking the continuity for that riser group onto the canopy. Two, three and four more checks on that line continuity...it looked good, but I knew this was gonna fuck with my head on the edge....the big 'What if I didn’t hook it up correctly?" question. I had the lines in my hand and separated out..I took a mental picture of the scene, something to remember on the edge when the doubting devil came to rest on my shoulder. A slap on the back of the packjob and into the stash bag it went.......as I gathered the rest of the equipment I needed for tonight, I glance over at the clock....shit, running late..I need to drive fast. When you are in a hurry....everyone around you appears to not be in one...no matter how fast or efficiently the traffic is flowing...I'm taking a few risks on light changes and sneakily moving my way forward in traffic whenever an opportunity presents itself..The phone goes off with a message..."not going to come along tonight.."....ahh shit looks like I'm on my own. Its then I also notice the little icon on the phone meaning 'battery low'.......that’s not good, as it highlights a flaw in my preparation. Access onto this A is 'ideally'a two man job....I start mentally rehearsing how I'm going to do it my myself....it’s possible...let’s keep going. The little doubting devil is visiting me early tonight...."hey ...think about that riser group lines you had to put back together? risky going on your own y'know....what if you did it wrong?...will it twist, and throw you into the A...will it collapse that side of the canopy and throw you into the ground..? " I try my best to listen but also to visualise each scenario in a positive way....going through each what if..? That aside I'll be doing this one completely on my own.....I didn’t have time to call my partner to let her know where I will be. I pick up my phone and try and call....shit...it runs outta juice....that’s it...all my contact numbers have gone. OK....decision time....go ahead completely on your own..? After about another 10minutes of driving....I say 'Yes' out loud...answering my own question. There’s about a 15 min walk from the park up area to the object....it a great walk, it gives you time to contemplate things, question yourself and go over details of the jump in relative silence and great clarity. The ambient light is off in the distance.....you can hear the world in the distance, going about its business....car horns honking, an occasional siren, the usual sounds of civilisation....but the closer you move towards this object looming in front of you....the more your ear tunes in to the sound of that frog, or the particular sound of an aircraft engine powering up and down on approach to a nearby airport.....and then the hum of the power lines attached to the object. You know you are close when you can hear that sound. The ground is wet and muddy....I go to check out the landing area to make sure everything is as before. As I walk around I see something silhouetted on the horizon....its moving and is aware I am here. As I walk closer I can distinguish the clear outlines of pointed ears moving and tracking my every movement. I see a streak of white and as I close in, see a small horse staring right back at me....its breath condensing in the air around its face. It backs off a little ...unsure...maybe scared but as I make contact with its head, I reassure it and speak to him like I'm speaking to a friend. Looking down I see he's chained to a stake in the field.....it must be cold for him tonight, but felt sure he was glad I had come over to say hello. I look behind me to the object, close my eyes and feel the wind around me. Its light....maybe 5-8mph...And constant...the direction is good. OK..now the tricky part ! There’s a high electric fence and IR cameras all around this object. I take off a small bag I have with me. It has a cloth for my face and rubber gloves.....I chuckle as I stand there and inspect myself...what a sight I must look if anyone was watching me...I even turn to the horse, who's looking at me quizzically...and say' yeah Yeah..I know I look stupid, but whaddya gonna do..huh? " I'm good to go...and approach the perimeter of the object. Even though they cant see my features when you have 4 cameras staring at you.....they stop becoming cameras...they feel like people right there watching you, I hate that feeling and don’t make any 'eye contact' with the cameras....no matter how much a strange sense of curiosity begs me to stare right at them. I reach forward and garb the electric fence....better to know with both feet on the ground that I'm not feeling it than halfway over....good, there’s nothing. I start the climb up the fence and sling a small matt over the top, that I can straddle the fence with......a man can and will accept a degree of temporary discomfort with things like arms and legs....but will carry anything that stops his balls feeling that same pain ! Looking at the contact points I can see small sparks that indicate the fence is not happy with my presence and defiance of its power. Cool....I'm onto the object now.but there still is a small physical effort required to lift myself up onto the platform where the ladder starts.... I'm consciously aware of all of the cameras around me....staring and recording my every move...you can almost feel them tut tutting you...I stuff my rubber gloves down my jacket top and grab my matt....If I don’t want to jump , I'm gonna need both to get out. As I climb up to the first level of ladders I think I hear something, but dont see anything.....I shrug it off and carry on up the second stair levels... I'm feeling somewhat elated.....access was tricky, but now I'm on.....so its all plain sailing now...right..? I dont dare let that feeling last for more than a few seconds.....I have a mental credo....some people think positive about everything before they do it..me? I imagine all the worst things that could happen and don’t dare let myself imagine it all going OK, ahead of time. I foolishly believe that you tempt fate by thinking its all going to be good...so have to quickly hide that thought before 'Fate' opens one of his closed eyes to see what the noise was that he just heard .. Nows a good time to get organized , so I sit on the edge of the next stair set and start bagging up my matt and gloves and anything else I don’t need for the jump itself......if all is well...I'll throw this bag off before I jump...noting where it lands. I reach into my jacket for my rubber gloves.......nothing is there ! I check again , and cant feel the familiar rubber texture...they must have fallen out as I was climbing up to the first stair level....I feel a shot of adrenaline fly right though me leaving that sicky shaky feeling as it passes. I look down through the structure but can’t see them anywhere...did the wind blow them out of the perimeter area already ? I dunno...damn ! I can still hear the crackle of the fence below me....and realize ...If I don’t jump off....getting out of here is going to be tricky at best....painful at worst. I curse my own stupidity at not securing them properly , swing the bags over my shoulder and continue my climb. I'm not the best climber in the world....and one of the things I love about solo's is that I just stop as frequently as I want , without feeling 'guilty' I'm slowing someone else down......I love hearing the sound of the wind whistling through a structure in-between my laboured breathing. It’s a pure sound ( not my labored breathing !) and it’s fresh. This sound and the fresh feeling it brings with it always feels good to me......some people I go with don’t notice it, don’t feel it....but for me , its part of the experience I can see the main platform above me now....bathed in a dull red glow of the lights attached to it....one final effort and I'm up there. First things first.....pack off my back and lie down....and just ..well enjoy the stars above me and the wind around me...its still chilly but not freezing cold....and I'm more than comfortable. I fell alseep here once , just for 10 minutes mind....but not tonight. There’s more to jumping than just the jumping. On my own , here, I can talk out aloud to myself if I want to.....I can mull over ideas, plans , dreams ...whilst staring upwards and outwards to the world below me...still going about their business. Thoughts and plans made here have a certain perspective I find hard to emulate in other places. I think about my plan and access for this jump.....still angry at myself for dropping my gloves. It’s a trivial matter, sure I can get another pair of gloves no problem...but it’s something I had not anticipated...and didn’t like that thought. I'm feeling good and relaxed.....relaxed?...I feel guilty for feeling that....I'm about to throw myself off 350 odd feet and so many things could go wrong...I shouldn’t feel relaxed ! I start getting my gear out and together....jumping on my own I always do my gear checks three times before putting it on and three times when its on...I don’t know why, three times just seems a good number and an easy one to get into a routine with.....doing it well once of course would suffice, but three is the number than gives me that warm and cozy feeling that’s its all good, when I'm on my own. Checking my rig over for the second time.....my 'doubt devil' comes to visit me again....and pops the image in my head of me putting the lines back on the rapide link before I packed it....he speaks to me ..." are you SURE you put them on right? I mean you could have gotten it wrong you know..? and if you have...what’s going to happen to you? Its not too late to climb down you know.....I mean if you are not sure about your gear and all.." I listen to every word he has to say......but recall the mental picture I forced to take myself before packing of all the lines in my hand and rigged correctly... My doubt demon's voice grows a little quieter.....but he hangs around , ready to step in again at an opportune moment. As I put on my gear....as I always do I mentally fast forward myself through my packjob....recalling each of the important stages from start to end.....almost looking for a reason, not to jump, but my packing is too anal....so I don’t have any reasons not to jump. The wind has picked up a little...just a bit....reaching into my pocket I pull out some tissue and fashion a WDI...It gets its own exit count and reassuringly falls away down to the ground, down a smooth and consistent path, away from the structure. Perfect ! Ideal wind direction and speed. I look back at the other stash bag I have that has my matt, gloves and a jacket in it.....and get quite excited at the thought of throwing this heavier mass off. Looking over the edge, it too gets its own exit count and gets thrown out and away from the structure. Craning over the rail I watch as it spins and turns around....and drifts a little less than my tissue WDI...Just when I think its about to hit the ground , it keeps falling...depth perception at night it always tricky ! Then I hear a dull 'thud' as it hits the ground......I look over more intently and take a mental note of its location. My turn next...., I enjoy my time 'hanging out' on this structure, but you know when its time to leave....you get that 'Go Go' feeling. Approaching the rail I check my PC position again......it doesn’t matter how well you packed it, seems like you always have to make a last minute alteration to its exact position...pulling it out just a fraction more, or adjusting the position of the cap with your hand. Stood over the rail....I take one last check of the ground before settling my gaze on the orange neon street lights far away on the horizon....my reference. There’s no one there with me....but I can almost feel the anticipation of the structure itself...willing me to leave. In that moment.....you lose the sound of the winds passing by you....if there was any ambient noise in the background it’s gone, and then that’s the point at which the whole world seems to stop, just for that split second it takes you to lean forward to the point of no return. The first second of silence and then the sound of the wind speed rapidly increasing in the next second....reaching back it’s a nice clean pull. The wait the wait......a look at the ground....shadows approaching fast....the wait...and then (and usually) in the same nanosecond it takes you to think..."Shit , its not opening".....the absolutely reassuring 'Crack'as you get swung underneath a deployed canopy. Before I can actually assess whether of not I need to turn, I look at my hands already in the toggles....how did they get there? I didn’t remember consciously grabbing them . The big picture looks good, but there’s no time to be happy about the on heading opening, the ground is coming up....quite fast and this sucker needs to be turned around! It takes until about 20feet off the ground to have the canopy lined up for landing where I wanted, and already in half brakes, the flare is well...marginal.... Its always a great feeling as you stand there and watch the canopy depressurize and fall down to your side.....you made it, this time.....the 'Doubt Devil' has always mysteriously disappeared at this point...he's hiding away somewhere, he's now scared to confront me questioning him.. Standing there I recall the jump ...from when I stepped over to the wide eyed look I probably had on my face on finals, and afford myself a chuckle and a smile. Looking over in the distance I see Henry ( that’s what I called the Horse).....he's just staring back cool as anything, not at all bothered...After stashing my gear I walk over to say goodbye.....Henry seems more interested in how that canopy might taste than whether BASE jumping on his turf is right or wrong ! I walk over to where I dropped my bag over the side ...and am surprised that’s it right where I thought it was....no hunting around in the dark at all. That was a good strategy I remember saying to myself and proceed to don my hat and cover so I can approach the perimeter of the object again in the vain hope of discovering what happened to my rubber gloves! I'm not very hopeful but on approaching the fence I see one glove.....and then whilst sweeping the area spot the second, just on the other side of the fence. Carefully I reach through the crackling wires and retrieve it ......excellent I didn’t lose my gloves! With everything now secured....I afford myself one last look at the object before starting the walk back to my car....I can 'feel' those cameras watching me as I walk away from them, until I reach a point again where the sounds of the approaching world, slowly increase in volume and realise that once again...I'm almost back with them. Back at the car, I sit and enjoy a nice cold beer.....fixed gaze ahead as I recall each part of this jump, in-between sips of beer. Outside the car.....it’s still cold....and crisp....inside me I'm warm and content. Hometime...
