deadboy2004

still here, but now want to be known as 'aliveboy2004'! I'm sorry to have created such a contraversy with this subject. It's amazing what 8 little words can create. Thank you to everyone who has been following this thread. The comments made here have been very valid for both sides of the discussion. Moral/ethical obligations on exposure to risk, on one side, and privacy/minimal risk on the other. Both really REALLY valid. I don't think that I ever considered the posibilty that one of my passengers might have been HIV+, I was actually more concerned if they had a beer just before the jump. Even when I had been barffed on, and yeah, gotten it in my mouth (ugh!), HIV status was the last thing I was thinking about - I just wanted to get my jumpsuit off! I jumped this weekend and did some tandems. I was trying to be more careful than usual and realized that my pre HIV actions and conduct seemed to be better than most of the other TM's. I am still fighting with myself if I should continue and will decide soon. One big problem - if I should decide to continue BUT inform my potintial passengers, should I then contact all the past passengers that I went with since last fall and inform them. What a mess................. Several of you have written me personal e-mails and every one has been supportive. I sincerely want to thank you and have been trying to send personal notes back to each of you. Like I said, I am now 'aliveboy2004' (thanks Chris)((but for right now e-mail address is still the same)). I am feeling much better about my future since talking with the guy at work friday. Took my blood pressure today and it was 111/81 instead of the 140/113 just last thursday. I am going to be getting in with the counseling center this week and get started with the medical part of it. I am done feeling sorry for myself and ready to get on with beating this thing. A REALLY BIG THANK YOU FOR NOT GETTING INTO ANY KIND OF GAY BASHING THING!!!!!!!!

well, gotta admit that I am gonna be staying positive with this. what a terrible pun. you guys and gals have been terrific with this so far. I really appreciate all the comments made. I finally broke down and talked to a guy at work that is HIV+ about what is going on with me and he was absolutely - what do I want to say - understanding, compassionate, helpful. I'v never talked to him about it before - not even sure that he was +. He's been + for 21 years and still healthy. He's more than willing to help me out, talk to me about it, and get me thru the beginning phases of this. I'm really feeling better after our talk - and reading all the enourgaging things that you have been posting has really helped a great deal. I wish that I could get you all to move to my DZ so I could have a built in support group. I'm really worried about what my friends here will say. thanks for being out there. If anyone out there still things that this is a troll, my e-mail address is [email protected] I will be happy to correspond with anyone and answer any questions you might have (except for name and location).

this is no troll! My life is now shattered because of something stupid that I did. I know better - we all "knew better" after the fact. Not careful just one time can do it. Doesn't excuse me for what is happening to me. I just found out about this last friday, and had it confirmed with another test thru another agency. I got the second result today. Figured that I didn't need to go for 3 out of 5 tests. My head is pounding from the rise in blood pressure that I am experiencing - I can't sleep at night, I hear a sad song and break into tears. I am afraid to talk to my friends - the straight ones don't know anything about my private life - and I'm afraid that the gay ones won't want to be around me. Right now I'm going thru a major period of feeling all alone and lost. I'm afraid to tell my straight friends - cause let's face it, I've seen some well liked skydivers come out of the closet - be snubbed and never heard from again. Believe me, this is no troll. It is just not the way I want to come out this. I just feel like I need to talk to someone and right now I don't feel like I have a whole lot of someones out there. I love doing tandems. I love being around the people that just landed and watching them puff up with pride that they did something that many of their friends were afraid to do. I love being part of that feeling. It is more than likely that I will give up doing tandems - actually yesterday was the first day I even thought about that aspect of this shit disease - my first concern has always been for my tandem passengers. All the post here have been supportive so far - even yours in a way. At least you just raised the issue of doubt instead of coming right out and slamming me. I appreciate and will listen to what everyone says here. thanks

first of all, I have to admit that I deserve all the shit that can be heaped on me because of my stupidity. I did it to myself and will live with it for the rest of my life. I've been skydiving for about 4 years, been a coach for 2 years and doing tandems for the past year. Really enjoy doing tandems and will miss doing them if I can't. Last week I was diagonised as being HIV+. Should I give up being a tandem instructor?? Please don't let this post degenerate into a gay-bashing thing.