So you've done a few 8 ways and gone low on a 20 way or two. Now you want to know how to get on the cool dives - the big ways, the ones that end up as covers or centerfolds. Well, you're in luck today kids. I was once in your booties and now only a few years later I am a big way jumper. Today I'm gonna tell you how I did it. So sit back, grab a cold one, listen and learn. After I took out the base on my second 20 way I knew it was going to take extreme measures to get a slot on the upcoming 75 ways only two months away. Lucky me, the organizer was of the opposite sex. I hit on him hard. I'm incredibly good looking and well built; it was so easy. One weekend of attention and he was mine. Two weeks of insane passion and I had my slot on the 75 ways. So kids, lesson number one is to hit on the organizer and get in his/her pants if at all possible. Those 75 way attempts were a great learning experience. I was jumping with the big boys now, and that meant partying with the big boys too. I came armed with bottles of Patron and sacks of illegal substances. By Sunday morning everyone loved me. Even though I took out the base or docked hard enough to funnel the other side on every single attempt. Write this one down kids - lesson number two is "be the candyman." Sometimes it's hard to get an organizer to notice you. When I was doing some 100 ways I figured out the best way to make an organizer remember your name. I started by being late to every dirt dive. I know the organizer remembers my name since he had the other 98 people yelling it as I strolled up five minutes late sans jumpsuit. Messing around in the dirt dive is another fine way to get noticed - I like to dock in the wrong slot, then laugh hysterically when it's noticed. So there's lesson number three - get noticed on the ground. Lesson number four is possibly the most important one - getting noticed in the air. You may have heard some big way jumpers talk about being invisible. Well, they're full of it. An organizer isn't going to remember you if he doesn't see you! I find that red zone violations work well, as does docking with enough momentum to funnel the entire opposite side of the formation (this is especially effective toward the end of the skydive). I also wear bright colored jumpsuits and gear so I show up well on video. So there ya go, kids. That's the real deal, the secret stuff about big ways that no one ever tells you. Now you know. Keep the faith.
