Dear OP,
how did your next jump go? Would be interesting to know!
These kind of discussions help me a lot to work through my own fears, so I somehow feel obliged to share how AFF is for me:
I just did my first solo jump yesterday and I also had lots of anxiety and fear the jumps before. I made the experience, that the fear gets replaced with focus once I step to the door and throughout the skydive.
The first jumps with two instructors were quite easy for me, as I felt very secure. I got quite terrified after Jump #5, when I didn't find the pull handle and my instructor pulled for me. This made me realize that I'm the only one who is responsible to pull and to land safely, it was a good kick in the butt. The drives to the dropzone and the jumps after this was quite terrifying, but I had an awsome instructor who practiced lots of pulls with me and then the rejump was going very well. After this, the first solo exit, the first salto, the first dive exit - all things I was very anxious about, but everything worked flawless. The first solo was then a piece of cake compared to the other jumps;)
My advice:
- I went to the tunnel for 10 minutes - this was well spent because it gave me lots of confidence that I can be stable in the air without randomdly flipping to my back. It's amazing how quick you get the feel for it.
- Be aware of the risk and use it to your advantage; be alert, practice emergency procedures, make a good plan for the landing. At the same time, visualize that most of the skydives end with a pull at the correct altitude and with a proper parachute above you. Learn to check the gear thoroughly yourself. I made a checklist that I follow... This gives me lots of security once I'm in the plane.
- Be open with your anxiety towards peers and your instructors. The other students here are anxious as well, some more and some less. It seems to be part of the game. Being open to the instructors helped me a lot as well.
- BTW, in the early jumps I had severe tunnel vision. I was very clear in my head and followed all instructions, but didn't remember much afterwards. This went away suddenly at jump #6.
For sure, the motivation for skydiving must be very high to work through all those panic and fear. Skydiving is an insane thing to do. At the same time - I'm only 9 jumps in, but I have never experienced anything so blissful and rewarding. I feel alive like a child. And, seldomly I met so many cool, relaxed and rational people in such a short period of time.
So i encourage you to stay at it, if this is something that you really wanna do.
