The fear was still there when I finished my AFF7 And AFF8. Then I had a much bigger problem... The terror of jumping alone doing my first solo. It wasn't that I wasn't confident in my abilities it was just a comfort thing. Having someone jump out of that scary door with me... I finished my AFF on Sat, I was so tired so I went to bed early. I woke up at 3 am thinking to myself should I do my solo tomorrow? Should I jump out of the plane alone? Maybe I should wait till next weekend... Then I fell asleep again.
I had set my alarm for 6:30am, the alarm went off at 6:30 and I ignored it after I remembered that the girl at Square1 told me that I had to come in early to the store at around 7:30 to rent my rig since it's the weekend and it's pretty busy. I eventually woke up at 7:20am. By the time I brushed my teeth and finished my morning ritual it was past 8am. I walked into Square 1. Pretty much looking for any reason to not rent my rig, but the girl was so quick!! She was like you're here for the rig? I said yes, she immediately grabbed a container and gave it to me and said put this on and let me know how it fit. What were you jumping yesterday? I said I was jumping a 260. She goes okay here you go. In a few mins of me going into the store I had a complete rig in my hands. I left the store, looked up at the sky and was like haha! Yup! I'm doing my solo today.
I geared up, went to the loading area and sat waiting on my plane. Told everyone I was doing a solo and that I was pulling high. They put me last in the group just before the wing suiters. We get on the plane, felt okay at first, but as we started reaching altitude I started getting nervous... there was a lady (from England I think) noticed how unrelaxed I was, so she kept smiling at me every time we made eye contact in a very caring way and I smiled back, It was very nice of her as believe it or not that really did help me relax a little.
Guys opened the door. We're at altitude-people started jumping, watched them go one after another as I touched my three handles, took a deep breath and closed my helmet's visor. It was my turn to jump. I stand at the door focused, trying to spot, I looked and I found the DZ but it looked too far for me and we weren't on top of it anymore. I remembered my instructor telling me to not jump unless you're on top of the DZ or close to it. One of the wing suiters came to the door to help me spot the DZ and he agreed that it was far. I looked at the rest of the wing suiters then pointed up with my finger and waved my finger in a circle asking the pilot to turn the plane. They were all upset about it and rolling their eyes. I did say that I was sorry but I didn't really care that they got butt hurt a little after all its for my safety and I lack experience to know whether I'll make it to the DZ under canopy or not.
The pilot turned around, this time I was right over the DZ; it was time to jump, I stand side ways next to the door and I dove to the side... As soon as my hands, shoulders and head were out of the plane, it was like the winds hugged me and said What up bud? Don't worry everything is alright. I watched the plane get further and further away from me, checked my altitude and I was at 10.5. I had planned to just stably fall, but as I was free falling I was like F. THAT! I'm gonna do some 360s, I did one to the left Checked my Alt., I did one to the right Checked my Alt. and then I decided to do a barrel roll, I did that and it was AWESOME! Checked my Alt I was at around 7G I decided to track, ("track") I tracked for few seconds stopped got stable checked Alt. and waved and pulled at 5G.
Canopy opened and the first thought that came to my mind after F yeah I have a working canopy was... holy shit! I did it... I'm a skydiver! Then I landed my canopy gracefully landing on my feet. The winds were so kind to me during my landing. I took my rig to ProPack and I asked the gentlemen how long before I can come get my rig? He said: You can go ahead and manifest. Sweet! I said. I gave the manifest my solo ticket and I was on the next jump in 30 mins on a sky-van (FUN!) And after that I was on the next jump in 18 mins and I jumped again. Every time I jumped it seemed easier.
As for that fear of the door it was still there, but we became friends and therefore it wasn't as intimidating anymore.
Thanks for reading! Blue Skies!