what in the fu*k...

[monkey1031 0]

Last year, my friend invited me down to a very sunny state for a legal E and a not so legal "?". I had a free ticket and thought it'd be fun to get out of the cold and snow for a week and "jumped" at the chance to go on a mini-vacation. Within an hour of getting off an airplane, I was picked up curbside by a long lost brother and whisked off to the top of the sweetest chunk of earth I think I've ever seen, made a few jumps got some cool vids & pics. and headed out and about town for some festivities... We ended up at a dropzone on the other side of town and while sitting on a couch, reading a copy of parachutist, I hear my host speaking to a gentleman who is packing a single canopy, velcro-closed, fixed object rig. I turn and walk over to the gent, and low and behold, it's a good friend (to many of us) who happens (or happened) to call 10 of 18 wheels, "home". Neither of us knew that the other would be there, nor could we believe that it was true, even though we were standing there hugging and laughing and freaking out about the odds... It turns out that he had to be hitting the road the next day, in the evening though, and we'd better get to bed at a decent hour if we wanted to get some jumps in, in the morning. After many drinks, and for good measure, a few more, the three of us crashed out (read: Passed out) 'round three o'clock in the a.m. and we were up at the ass crack of dawn on our way to the big ol' rock. A little windy (kite weather) but we still managed to get in a couple hops during the lulls. Goodbye's were said, the day was short but fun filled and the memories are still as vivid as the pictures in front of me. But as I sit and stare at this unpacked MOJO sitting next to me, the same one that has been in my recliner, unpacked for almost two months, after having only made three jumps since January 3rd of this year, why the fu*k has this sport lost it's draw? That certain edge which in my mind used to be the only reason to wake up in the morning, has for some reason faded... I know how much fun it is. I know what it has meant to me. I know how I feel when I get to the edge of an object and step into the darkness... But for some reason, I just cannot seem to find that spark in my soul that makes me want to trudge my arse up anything... I'm not sure why I'm spilling this here, but I figure if anyone would either understand or not... This would be a better place to post such a subject then on say Oprah's web-site.

To those lost days, and hopefully to days like them in the future;
Cheers & Salut. I hope to see them again.

SMD7

[narcimund 0]

As a newcomer to base I have absolutely nothing worthwhile to say about your predicament, but I want to say you sure to know how to write.

So my advice is that you should do whatever puts you in the most personal conflict. Write more. And jump if you feel like it.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[airtwardo 6]

Been there...

Trust me...it will return!

I've gone through the same thing from time to time...

I've come to believe it has something to do with moon phases...
or maybe bitchy women...

Anyway, the lust will return!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[KevinMcGuire 0]

I understand completely with what your going through. I have been in this sport for 11 years and I too have experienced the dwindeling flame. I have had long periods of inactivity compared to my newer friends in the sport and I have often felt guilty in not going on every load that is offered. Presently, I'm on the up swing again.
Why does this happen? any number of reasons. Perhaps we had one too many good friends end up dead or in some cases worse. Perhaps spending time with our family has become more improtant, Or mabey we feel that in the realm of BASE there are no more worlds to conquere.
I think that this is a natuarl progression in life and one that will happen to us many more times before we die. However the transformation from "young and imortal" to "mear mortal" is often a difficult journey to make and one that most of those who have gone before us lament greatly about. I have some suggesions that may help.
Ask your self if this is truly what you want at this point in your life. If the answer is yes, then you'll need to make it freash again. How to do this is up to you. Perhaps you can find a nitch that appeals the adrenalin junky in you such as aerials or what ever. Or perhaps you can enter the more technical world of design and build your own gear as I have done. What ever it is, making it freash again is the only way to rekindle the spark and keep your self current and safe. In the end if that doesn't work, then move on but always remember the fun you've had, but enjoy the fun your having more.
Good luck

[bps 0]

Hello --

Great post! I can associate with your thoughts -- I too went through a similar phase in the last 9 months or so.

I too was confused as to what was going on. For 4 years, BASE consumed every wandering thought that traveled through my brain. Standing on the edge was my breath -- it was the source that fueled my soul.

I've been around death and carnage many times over, but a rash of freinds and heroes dying last year effected me and slowed me down. I've always been one to only jump when the need and the desire was truly there. To do so otherwise is foolish.

I still BASE jumped here and there (3 or 4 a month) but not with the fire and the passion, nor the consistency in which I did for so many years. One night, after a beer or two, I found myself pondering the same thoughts that you write above.

I came to the following conclusions:

1) I have a great job, but it keeps me working around 70 to 80 hours a week. It effects me to a certain extent -- how can one get up in the middle of the night when so much energy is directed in other places?

2) A rash of accidents and fatalities did slow me down somewhat. Sometimes it takes time to dampen the pain...

3) I figured that I would let things be and when the time was right, and the passion and fire returned, so would I.

Well, about 6 months passed. During that time, I was jumping enough to stay current. And somewhere along there, I went out and met some really cool folks that helped kindle that fire again. One was an old timer that took me into his home for a week while I was on the road...we enjoyed many a site together. And the other was a guy who was relatively young in the sport...who also welcomed me while I was traveling on the road, and took me out ot one of their prized objects, with open arms. It was a fun evening -- meeting someone who was fairly new in the sport, and was just like I was when I started. Respectful, eager, and soaking in everything like a sponge....ready to absorb and put to use when the timing was right. The person I met that night was almost a perfect reflection of me several hundred jumps ago.

These 2 gentlemen reminded of all that good in this dangerous sport. While BASE jumping itself is an amazing endeavor, the wonderful and whacky people that you meet along the way is another kick-ass facet of BASE and is just another thing that makes it so worthwhile. (thanks KN...and thank TB aka "Z.....")

So I set out on an adventure or two and the fire has once again rekindled itself. I'm up and running again at full-steam and is sure feels good to be back. And it feels good because I'm stepping over the edge knowing that I came back around on my own accord and on my own conditions.

Maybe your fire will rekindle itself one-day too, when the timing is right. But from what you wrote above, it seems to me that you are certainly on the right track to going about things the right way. Continue doing what you're doing now -- look back and think about what makes this thing called BASE special to you. Going through the process, you just might rediscover it all over again and find that the second journey is twice as nice as the one before.

I have a deep quote in my mind -- and I can't recall who it was from, but it goes something like this:

"Self-discovery is exploration until you get to the place where you started, and know the place for the first time."

Best of Luck,

Bryan

[KevinMcGuire 0]

Man, I thought I said it well. Nicely said