Divalent

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

When your wife gets a little upset, just remember: a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset.

She was replying to that post made back in 2008 by user Albert18, and didn't actually add anything to it. You can find the original here:

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

On their wedding night, a groom asks his new bride, "Honey, am I your first?" She says, "Why does everyone ask me that?"

Wife: "Where the *HELL* ARE YOU? You should have been home HOURS AGO!" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn’t have money that time, but I said, "Baby, it’ll be yours one day"? Wife (smiling and blushing): "Yeah, I remember that, my love!" Husband: "Well, I’m in the bar that's right next door to that place."

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office… "Doctor," she cries. "I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!" The hypnotherapist shakes his head. "Not again…"

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

Right side was cut away, but not the left.

If women are so great at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?

In that case, it's pretty simple: connect the phone to the computer via a UBS cable, and run "explorer". Explorer will show the folder tree computer, and will also show the phone as a devices, with it's own folder tree. (Likely she will have to click on the phone device to reveal its folder tree) Find the top folder for her pictures on the phone (where presumably she has subfolders inside that have pics sorted by topic), and drag that folder into a folder on her computer. Explorer will copy everything in that phone folder and below into the destination folder on her computer's hard drive, and will preserve the folder structure that existed on the phone.

It would help if you could give details of exactly what she is trying to accomplish. Importing from 1) what device to 2) what device? (Phone to a new phone? Phone to desktop/laptop? If the latter, what operating system is the destination device?) How was initial folder structure created? (The basic structure of the phone's camera folders? Or did she create her own unique folder tree and then move photos into them ?)

I told my girlfriend that the milkman said he had screwed every woman in our building except for one!! “I bet it’s the snooty bitch at number twenty three,” she replied.

"Squeeze risers together and reach up to untwist to bring twists down to the risers?" This worked for me every time, although the "squeeze risers together" is not part of it; it's twisting the twisted section to lower it that is the important element. Usually it will also get your body rotating in the correct way so that it untwists on its own. But by lowering the twists, you can also then reach to the lines above the twists, which allow you good leverage to get your body rotating. This is illustrated pretty well in the compilation video that BMAC615 posted above. (And in the last one shown in that video, apparently you can use your feet, lol!) The old "kick-em out" method in the SIM is pretty poor. They really should replace it with this one.

A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and Handjob $10. He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the handjobs?" She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and that lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken.

A bus driver was on trial for killing 24 children and 6 adults. The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?" The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!" "How did it happen?" Asks the judge. "Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the road, I saw a rabbit. I swerved into the woods and hit a tree. I managed to escape but all the other people just didn't make it in time and the bus exploded. Everyone but me perished." "Why did you not just run over the rabbit?" Asks the judge. "I tried!" Says the bus driver, "But it ran into the woods!"

Table salt is (~98%) sodium chloride.

I endorse this view point too.

I endorse this view point.

I read his comments as implying that the FBI did investigate him thoroughly, but found enough clear evidence to exclude him in short order. So as I read it, Blevins is implying that *Flyjack* is the one who is suggesting that the FBI dropped the ball on him. (Of course, Flyjack might be suggesting that the FBI did ID him as cooper, but for unknown reasons decided to cover this up.)

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear while facing his enemies. One day while sailing the 7 seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship. The crew became frantic. "Bring me my red shorts, said the captain. The first mate immediately fetched it. Captain Bravo and his crew easily won the battle. The next day, the lookout spotted not one but two pirate ships. The men all looked at the captain, and he said " bring me my red shorts. The first mate again obliged. Again they were victorious. Later that night at supper, the men asked the captain why he wanted his red shorts to go into battle. If I get wounded in battle you men won't see the blood and you will bravely battle on. The next day the lookout sees not one, not two but 5 pirate ships. The men look at the captain and he says "bring me my brown shorts"...

Have you looked into software solutions that correct for the wide angle? Here's a demo of software I found by googling: Corel VideoStudio 2018 (they are now up to 2021 version). https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI05ia_jbSKgC9E7uvLA76Q It apparently has preset for many GoPro setting, so I suspect you can modify them pretty easily. Looks like you can get it for less than $60.