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  1. I know this isn't the best place to seek advice... Alot of that was for me to type it all out and maybe absorb a little better whats actually happened. So I can start to actually work through things. The whole thing is still pretty surreal to me. I do appreciate the responses and PM's Thanks Guys.
  2. I guess I know what that means. Straight up is fine. I don't need things sugar coated. Honestly a good smack upside the head may be in order.
  3. Hi all, Seeking some opinions on this. I got married 5.5 years ago. The marriage has had its ups and downs for sure. After my first deployment Things started feeling weird. I didn't think alot of it because she had been doing everything around the house and it was just taking some time to get adjusted to me being back. This was just a year in to the marriage and things never felt right again. After my second deployment we did try a trial separation which we ended when I had to have emergency surgery and she raced cross country to be by my side. Things started feeling okay after the 6 month break. But not for too long. Things got weird again just neither of us seemed happy as we should be. Earlier this year She called me home from work and told me that she wanted a divorce because she was tired of trying to make things work. My wife is Bipolar and that sent her into a big depressive state. I'm still not sure how it happened but we agreed to try an open marriage until she got out of the funk and we could divorce with her being in a full cognizant mind a few months went by. I Watched her get closer and closer to this one guy and it killed me inside to see it. Finally he dumped her in april after dating for a while (she would frequently spend the night at this guys house). When she got dumped it crushed her. She was depressed even more. I finally drew her out of her funk and we agreed the open marriage thing was over. Well she kept hanging out with one of the guys she had been seeing but had "No sexual interest in the guy" She told me that when it would have been okay for her to have a sexual interest. She doesn't have any friends down here so I let that friend ship slide. Well then she started staying out later and later with this dude and then she'd come home and crash on the couch then take a shower the next morning. I knew something was up so I browsed her yahoo message archive. They had been having sex. For a while it seemed. So I asked her about it and her response was "I thought you knew" She went on to say that she had been under the impression that our open marriage was still in fact going strong. I was crushed and told her I wanted out. She swore how much she loved me and blah blah. The thing is I really do love her so I agreed that we'd get counseling and try to work things out. Well the counseling never happened. After a month things settled out a bit between us but there still seemed to be something odd at work with her. So I once again turned to the yahoo message archive and found out that she had started talking to one of the guys I had been stationed with many years ago. Apparently things felt off after my first deployment because they had hooked up. And they had been going at it off and on since that first year of the marriage. I got reassigned and the guy got reassigned the same place so they continued it after the move too! I found this out a month ago. I'm still in a state of shock about it all. I'm very very torn. I love her but I have a pretty definite pattern here that I can't ignore. I don't feel like I can trust her but I still love her and am having a hard time just cutting a way as it were. I have enrolled in counseling and we have gone to a couple sessions I still feel as confused as I did when this process started one moment I'm sure I want her completely out of my life the next I want her in my life but don't want to be married to her and the next I want to stay with her forever. Other notes would be when in the past she discovered boys cheating on her she would leave no questions asked. Granted they were dating and not married. She's not really a supporter of me skydiving even though she knows how important it is too me she sees it as a money pit and insane. She's unemployed right now the bipolar makes it hard for her to maintain a full time job. I was okay with this but lately its been bothering me more and more. Not so much that she doesn't work but more that she spends money like shes working even if she's not. Despite me telling her that we need to cut back on expenses. I'm down to one jump a month And thats just to maintain some proficiency. Seriously I have no Idea what the fuck to do. The whole situation sucks and I don't think there is a 100 percent right solution in this. The wife has stopped taking to the guy who was my friend and has agreed to let me "monitor" her so I can trust her. While I want to trust her I don't feel like I can and monitoring her isn't exactly trusting her either and its no way for us to live. Any thoughts. This post is as much to just have me type it all out and kind of work through stuff on my own as actually seeking advice. I know that its my decision and that no one will blame me either way I go with this. Anyway if you have a thought feel free to post it or pm me with it. I'll check back tonight I'm gonna go launch myself from an airplane. oh also no kids just about a half dozen pets. Sorry about the formatting and if this doesn't make any sense I just don't feel like going back and proof reading it. Fuck this sucks