rickjump1

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Posts posted by rickjump1


  1. We were jumping Mike Mullins' King Air that was "probably" the fastest jump aircraft at that time. Before we took off we all hooked up to the oxygen console and had a pre-breathe session 30 +- minutes? Long time ago. After we took off and climbed to a designated altitude before jump altitude, the jump master had us disconnect from the console and hook up to our bale out bottles. It was here that the guy that went limp because he failed to get a good connection to his bail out bottle. The jump master immediately went over and connected him, bringing him around, alert and wanting to jump, but the jump master made him ride the aircraft down. In fact, the jump master rode down with him. The rest of us went out to -30f (we were told) and had a "long" fall. I wish you well in your HALO jump.
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  2. MikeMcLean
    Whether it was a canned performance with a selected audience or not, I'm sure everyone went away touchy feely good (the main performer could be selling the "worlds best blender" at 3:am on the Shopping Channel). I feel the traditional spirit of American charity is degraded when when organizations like Wounded Warriors use our wounded troops as stage props to make a living. It makes you wonder how much each individual from the phone operator up to Trace Atkins makes on these poor men and women. There are plenty of local/national veteran organizations to support knowing that they are all 100% volunteer.
    Did you ever think how much the guy doing the canned performance is getting?

    At least it's voluntary. The U.S. Army used to make the troops cough up money for the bums running the "United Way".
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  3. BIGUN

    So. you didn't like it the first time in Post #279? ;)

    Which post was this one? It's an old one.


    Subject: A Woman entered a Bar
    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

    This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $10.00.. on one condition..."


    Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

    The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $10 from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....


    "Clean my house."
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  4. Gene03

    Lucky McSwervy and a few girlfriends are out to dinner one night when one of her friends comments on how perfect her complexion is.

    She asks Lucky if she has any beauty secrets to share.

    "No secret" says Lucky, "Once a week I soak 2-3 hours in a bathtub of warm milk."

    "Pasteurized?" asks her friend.

    "No, just up to my tits."


    EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:


    “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”





    “Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

    “How much do you charge?”

    “Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

    “I'll sleep on it,” I said.

    Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.

    “Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

    “Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

    “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”

    FORGET THE SHRINKS...
    HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO A BARTENDER!
    IT'S ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  5. A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

    Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died, when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

    (HERE IT COMES!!!)


    The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  6. Amazon

    So not safe for work... but definitely need to do a stop over next time heading across the pond...


    http://phallus.is/en/

    The Icelandic Phallological Museum is probably the only museum in the world to contain a collection of phallic specimens belonging to all the various types of mammal found in a single country. Phallology is an ancient science which, until recent years, has received very little attention in Iceland, except as a borderline field of study in other academic disciplines such as history, art, psychology, literature and other artistic fields like music and ballet. Now, thanks to The Icelandic Phallological Museum, it is finally possible for individuals to undertake serious study into the field of phallology in an organized, scientific fashion.

    Got to be something in the water or all those volcanoes getting ready to "blow"..
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  7. BillyVance

    Nothing says "SUCK MY DICK" better, on a postcard and mailing it to your asshole congressman with one of those stamps on it.

    :D:D:D

    or a couple of senators from Montana.;)
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  8. jackwallace

    Personally I think its any combat medic. Their job is to try to save other peoples lives when they should be hiding in a hole, saving their own.



    I watched my Platoon Sergeant save the life of one of my squad leaders because our conscientious objector medic could not stop the flow of blood coming from this squad leader's thigh. SFC William Washington Hence stuck his fingers in this kid's thigh and pinched off the artery. He then asked the medic for his hemostats and stopped the bleeding. In just a few more days Sergeant Hence was KIA.

    No doubt combat medics heroically save lives, but there are times when there are simply not enough medics to go around, and each soldier treats himself or his buddy. This could be hit or miss depending on the experience of each soldier or who payed the most attention in class/training...
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  9. theonlyski

    ***This is the poll supplement to the "Bravest Men" joke in another thread.



    http://www.history.army.mil/moh/mohstats.html

    Not that it's the all inclusive list of brave people.Agreed, and not every person on active duty gets recognized for bravery. In the heat of battle things happen fast in ever changing situations. Witnesses to heroic deeds are killed as well as the heroes themselves, and there is a point where intense fighting is viewed as "just doing a job" when in fact some personal action is distinguished above the call of duty. This could happen on the ground, air, or at sea.
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  10. Amazon

    ***http://news.yahoo.com/washington-state-sewage-plant-invites-weddings-181655267.html How about getting married in a sewage plant. The local slaughter house might be an option too, but according to this source, sewage plants are the way to go today. You need "smelly emissions"? You might have to bring your own.



    I do not know if it would be a great venue for a wedding reception but it is a very impressive facility right off of Hwy 522 and Hwy 9.
    Humans are nasty creatures and learned a few hundred years ago the costs in human lives of large populations with a lack of effective treatment of their excrement.
    http://www.kingcounty.gov/environment/wtd/About/System/Brightwater/AerialPhoto.aspxImpressive website with a lot of job opportunities.....didn't see anything for a wedding planner though.
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  11. LuckyMcSwervy

    You get to close up your house, lawn gets cut and watered, mail forwarded, nothing could go wrong at home so there's no excuse to keep you there all summer. You've been given May-September off from your job (paid vacation), so you can't use work as an excuse.

    All you have to do is pick a town and find a great place to live like a local for a while.

    Where are you going?? B|

    Coogee Bay Hotel NSW Au. It's been around for 130+ years, and I just stumbled upon it while on vacation (R+R) from Vietnam several years ago. I liked the beer, the people, and the beach. If I remember right, their summers are our winters. No matter, I would definitely like to go back and retrace a couple of places I went to when I took a leave "down under" after another tour.
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

  12. muff528

    *********You may remember seeing these pictures:

    http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2012/09/peaches-geldof.html



    "Douchewaffle"??? :D:D:Dhttps://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/531639_10151457280508331_602952708_n.jpg Parenting in the electronic age brings out the worst.

    Maybe it was the camel's mom who was taking the photo. You may have something here. The kid's mom either ran off with the zookeeper or she was eaten by the camel's mom before the camel's mom took the photo.
    Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.