First post, nice to join this community!
So I am halfway through my AFF course. All have gone pretty well, quite unstable in freefall but I guess that is normal. I spent a week at the DZ to do the course and will go back on weekends to finish my AFF jumps, no rush. I have a weird feeling about this however. I am really scared of the ride up, as well as the moments leading to the door. Sometimes I am secretly relieved when the weather prohibits rides, while everyone else are disappointed. I can do maximum of two jumps a day and then I am drained emotionally.
I have been really tired and sort of feeling like a flu after this course and am very scared, yet excited about jumping. It is a weird mixed feeling wanting to quit and embrace this new lifestyle at the same time. I do not want to go back to the DZ, yet I feel the blues and miss the DZ and the culture of friendly people. How should a beginner like me navigate this turmoil?