turtlespeed

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Everything posted by turtlespeed

  1. turtlespeed

    RIP Dr John

    Saddend over the loss . . .
  2. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    Why is a pushup bra just like a bag of potato chips (Crisps for the rest of you)? You open them up - and you find out they are both mostly air inside the container.
  3. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up… Well . . . Maybe not . . . If you’re in prison
  4. turtlespeed

    Where my peeps at?

    Fuck you I'm drunk Fuck you, I'm drunk Pour my beer down the sink I've got more in the trunk . . . Fuck you I'm drunk Fuck you I'm drunk And I'm gunna be drunk till the next time I'm drunk! Thank you for teaching me that song!
  5. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One of the two will try to snatch your watch.
  6. turtlespeed

    Free Fall survivor legends

    Went in with nothing out?
  7. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    deleted
  8. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    How'd the Farmer find his wife? He Tractor Down!
  9. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    Cleanest Joke I have seen lately that has made me laugh: Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have? Me: Two. You have two, son. Son: Nope... I have four. point to belly Two kidneys here... points to legs ...and two kid knees here!
  10. turtlespeed

    Shawshank Redemption

    Exactly.
  11. turtlespeed

    Shawshank Redemption

    Here is the scene in the movie.
  12. turtlespeed

    Shawshank Redemption

    I have no agenda. But . . . If someone was given a comment from a moderator that read "You are obtuse" in response to a "time out" given because of a comment that was along the same lines as is in the movie - One could probably draw some pretty close parallels. Donchathink?
  13. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    I cant stop myself.
  14. turtlespeed

    1 year sober

    Thanks. I had icecream.
  15. turtlespeed

    BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

    Keeping with the earlier theme - though . . . https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2019/05/03/Teens-praying-for-help-rescued-by-boat-called-The-Amen/5951556896544/?sl=6
  16. turtlespeed

    BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

    That's awesome - My first gut reaction when I read about him dying was "Oh, There is a God!" BUT - on to more humorous things . . . My apologies - But even I am subject to a little road rage. Who knew? https://www.idahopress.com/news/strange/shell-shock-turtle-flies-into-car-windshield-on-sc-highway/article_3b30f058-d13d-508a-8129-c15bdd775b13.html
  17. turtlespeed

    BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

    I had no idea - but you cant make that shit up. Was he "helped"?
  18. turtlespeed

    BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

    This has to have been posted before - because this is outrageous!!
  19. turtlespeed

    Scars

    Tattoos can cover the scars - and draw attention to that conversation piece.
  20. turtlespeed

    1 year sober

    April made 12 months - I don't miss it.
  21. turtlespeed

    BillyVance's "You Can't Make This Up" News Stories Thread

    Yeah - Ummmm . . . Poor Gramps. https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Man-Flush-Ashes-Toilet-Pennsylvania-Threat-Arrest-509262531.html
  22. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    What is the name of a famous atheist? Godfrey Confucious say - There is French Kiss and There is Australian Kiss - They both the same - but one given down under. Confucious say - a man may be a fool and not know it . . . but not if he is married Knock Knock - Who's there? Budweiser! Budweiser who? Budweiser momma take her clothes off when she drinkin'?
  23. turtlespeed

    JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

    Some old - Some new to me - some had to be erased due to forum rules!!! 1. Why did the sperm cross the road? 2. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? 3. Why do mice have such small balls? 4. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? 5. A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. 6. What’s the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? 7. What’s worse than ants in your pants? 8. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? 9. How do you know that you have a high sperm count? 10. Three tampons are sitting at a bus stop. What do they say to each other? 11. If a midget tells you your hair smells nice… 12. How do you get a Nun pregnant? 13. Know what old pussy tastes like? 14. If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. 15. How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? 16. DELETED 17. Why does a mermaid wear seashells? 18. What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? 19. Two deer walk out of a gay bar… 20. A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands. 21. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? 22. What does Trisha put behind her ears to attract men? 23. What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire? 24. What’s the worst part about going down on your grandmother? 25. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. 26. What’s the difference between hungry and horny? 27. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can? 28. Three women are sitting at a bar arguing over who has the biggest vagina. 29. What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute? 30. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?