juliemt

Thanks Unutsch. I think you're right. I hope I'll make the right decision..........

Thanks Paul.

Michelle. Thank you for your support. I like the idea of reading material. Also, canopy classes. Before, I injured myself the second time, I was looking into canopy classes. Maybe now they're offered @ my DZ?

Thanks Mustard. Another inspiring story!!!

Thank you Conway! It's inspiring to know of your story. I did have a brace made for me. I have yet to use it jumping........

I love to hear that! Thank you for sharing come back stories!!!

SKR, Thank you for your deep words. Also, the article. It's a great feeling knowing that people care because they understand. Fear is an inevitable feeling. I enjoy the feeling now & again. That's probablly one of the many reasons I skydive. Now, I ask myself can I use the feeling to my advantage? Or, do I let the feeling of fear control me in a pre tense way? I hope I make the right decision.

Thank you for your reply. I have 111 total jumps. My canopy is a 150 Silhouette. When I returned to Skydiving after the inital accident, I went on radio for the first 4 jumps. I was also jumping a 190 Triathalon.

Yes. I had one made for me. But, I have yet to use it Skydiving.

Thank you. It's taken me some time to post my feelings. I'm glad I did. Thanks again for your reply.

My first skydive was October of 1998. That first jump changed me as a person. All skydivers know what I'm talking about. I fell in love with something other than a living, breathing being. A feeling of being in love. Each & every weekend counting down the days during the week until you're reunited. Looking at the sky on Friday night making sure I'm able to see at least half of the stars. Waking up on Saturday morning praying for blue skies. Driving down to the DZ with butterflies that have consumed my every sensation. The minute you're in the vicinity of the DZ your senses awaken by the smell of fuel. The rest.......well, we all know. Then, the cycle repeats it self on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.........After I'd been skydiving for a little over 1 1/2 years I tore my ACL on a poor landing. I think I was in denial initially. I realized the road ahead of me once I knew I had to stop jumping. I had surgery & unfortunately, caught an infection from the surgery & relied on intervenious medication and home nursing for a few months. I continued to miss skydiving each and every day as I over came my infection. Months went by & I started to gain strength both physically & mentally. I remember the doctor saying wait six months before you resume high risk activities. So, I did but, due to the challenges I had to over come, he advised me to wait a few extra months. I did, and 9 months later I returned to skydiving. I knew I was right where I belonged. I was at home again. Well, shortly after returning, I managed to re tear my ACL on another poor landing. I was in absolute dis belief......... Once I repaired it and rehabed it, a year went by and I knew after the year mark the Doctor said if I choose to return to skydiving I can. Well that was 3 months ago. I've yet to return. My confidence has diminished when it comes to my landings. I recall my feelings at 1K feet upon descent. The tension that over comes me is overwhelming. All of the what if's that have now set in have consumed my decision to not skydive. I've actively seeked out other activities to forfill the void. I've found two that I really enjoy. Rock climbing & cross country/ down hill mountain biking. I'm really enjoying both. Each bring me different highs. I realize NOTHING can be compared to skydiving. Although, I find myself waiting for a similar feeling. It's yet to come. I continue to remember jumping on a regular basis. Especially on the weekends. I decided last week to post a classified ad to sell my gear. I feel sick about it every time I think about the decision to do that. I ask my self, "Why do I choose to not rekindle a passion that was so deep?" So, right now, I ponder my own confusion..............