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tattoojeff

stupidest student ever?

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This one goes back a couple decades..

We were standing outside the hangar having a smoke when

WHAM!

This white motorcycle helmets smashes to pieces 10 feet from us!

...The staticline student had taken it off and thrown it away,
because he said he couldn't hear the 'emergency radio'
and had asked a question he wasn't hearing a response to!


Well...
He DIDN'T HAVE a radio!
He was trying to 'tune' in the Sentinel AOD! [:/]



For the win.

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ok lets have some good laughs.
im hosting this years dumbest student awards. lets hear your candidates story.
this years prize is a set of golfclubs.



at 66 jumps I had just got my new rig. I wanted to jump it. Winds were at 17-20 with gusts. Most long timers were not jumping. everything goes fine until on final at about 150'. the wind picks up and backs me up over the active runway. I land ok but get quickly dragged off on my back, about 5 feet. I get up and gather my gear in time to see the otter pass me taking the next load up. Did about $300 of mostly cosmetic damage to the rig. (note: I was well clear of runway when I turned onto final)

Hard lesson learned.

Kudos to Pablo and Festi for making it look like new.

"You did what?!?!"

MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez

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Sorry to be a wanker, but this is offensive in some places. You see, when you get anxious (as in, being a newbie) this hormone called cortisol shuts down some bits of your brain. One of the most important is the pre-frontal cortex. This is the bit that helps you to think rationally, solve problems, make judgments, and so on. Its not surprising that students do some fucked up things. They are so anxious they lose the ability to think clearly. I know there's a huge safety issue here, and some people simply shouldn't be cleared to jump, but shitting on people for goofing up just makes it a whole bunch worse. Why don't you help them to feel more confident, rather than making them feel like fuck ups?

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Ok I'm not going to be offensive to anyone but myself:

AFF 1 - Everything was going really well, I had gone ok in freefall, canopy opened nicely, I even remembered to check it! Did a flare, couple of turns following my JM's instructions on the radio then one of my toggles got stuck up in the riser (wouldn't be a problem now but it freaked me out a bit at the time) and my JM told me to turn right...well I couldn't and I tried to tell him I couldn't! Then he stopped talking to me!!! Luckily I was still calm enough to turn around left and managed to get the toggle out to flare on landing...

Then to make matters worse I had a go at my JM for not talking to me!! He then proceded to tell me that the radio's are one way unless I take it out of the helmet and press the lovely little button on the side! Which he didn't recommend at 1000ft above a desert full of spinifex (a lot of fun to find it again)!

Good story - nobody got hurt and it provides a bit of entertainment for anyone who hears it! =)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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I didn't try it again! =) Have you ever forgotten to turn it on? We have a C182 so it takes a while to get to height and to conserve the batteries we usually turn on the radio's just before exit. I think I had to turn on my radio under canopy 3 times...
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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hah, didn't know you guys were still talking about this guy...

Well relatively my first jumps without that much incident, except for my first AFF. I deployed alright and spend way to much time looking up at my canopy making sure it deployed correctly. By the time I was done and looked for the DZ I had flown away from the DZ, and to make matters worse, I was downwind. The thought "oh shit!!! where the hell is the DZ" came to mind. As I started to make it closer to the DZ, I saw these little black lines that were in my line of flight, and then the words, "Those are POWER LINES, you are NOT going to make it over them!" came over the radio. Anyway, I was forced to do a 180 about 400 ft in the air and land downwind in a field with cactus...ouch.

that was about it though.


------
-Nick

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My first jump I landed on top of one of the turns of a motor-cross track, rolled down a hill and nailed a log with my thigh. Was grounded the rest of the day and you could see where the cracks in the log were on the bruise on my leg.
#148 Sonic Scrat
"Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the eyes?" Woodpecker pulling out his pants pockets to the waitress

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We had a guy come out to do his AFF - to start with he was terrified of the DZ dog who has to be the laziest, sookiest dog you will ever meet...he came down from his tandem as white as a sheet and about as quiet as one too! But still went up for his AFF 1 - I don't know all the details of the freefall so I won't say anything incase I get it wrong (but it was BAD!) but under canopy he wouldn't listen to the instructor and ended up crash landing way out in the spinifex and just lying there until they went and rescued him! We haven't actually seen him in a while - I think maybe he decided by himself that skydiving wasn't the sport for him! :)
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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I'm glad i found this forum, 9 AFF jumps and still at level 4.
Too stubborn to give up, but the instructors are right, Im not hopeles or (so it seems) even close to the worst student ever. I just run out of money faster.
There was another AFFer jumping 3 times the same day I tried to pass level 4 and he got so freiked out he pulled his BOC pilot chute but refused to let go of it, even after the container deployed.
By the way, I am also a television engineer, and most people don't know this, but except for albinos, EVERYBODYS skin is the same color, (The I and Q subcarriers of NTSC were developed on this fact) it just has a different level of saturation. So, black and white are both incorrect, there is just lighter and darker skin.
Live Free-
Don't Breed

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Our tandem master came down one day laughing his ass off. It turns out his student, a very scared young girl, is unstable during freefall so he pulls a little high.

He's talking to her under canopy and she isn't responding, but he knows shes not unconcious as she is still really stiff and holding her arms way out to her sides.

After about 2000' of canopy flight, she finally whispers to him "Can I stop arching now?"

:D

MB 3528, RB 1182

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ok lets have some good laughs.
im hosting this years dumbest student awards. lets hear your candidates story.
this years prize is a set of golfclubs.


-------------------------
Okay, someone's got to bump this thread back to the top. Have we had no 'challenged' students since the last post?!

I'll reboot it with a story of my own. Oh, BTW, you know I was an awesome student! Oh, sure....

At Ft. Lewis Washington in summer of '82 I was ready for my first clear and pull from a Chinook Helicopter, CH-47. I get the go and bunny hopped off the tailgate. I actually did a good hop and pop. The fun starts under 300 feet.

As I'm drifting under my MC-1B, 35 foot round with steering toggles, I'm still holding my ripchord. As I drift over the windsock at about 100', I dropped my ripchord (in reality, I was tired of holding it and thought I could try a little impact accuracy with it) and almost hit the windsock.

Oh no, the newby fun is not over. I drifted past the LZ and into the biggest fucking christmas tree I've ever seen. I hit it ass first about 20 feet up. The tree collasped into a slide and I slid down it to a perfect standup landing.

So, Pvt. Garrison was on the hook for 3 cases of beer. First freefall, Dropping the ripchord and First standup landing. I ponyied up (how the hell do you spell Pony+ed) with a small keg and just smiled.

Okay, there are several years of stupidity missing here.

Pony Up!!
____________________________________
I'm back in the USA!!

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I drifted past the LZ and into the biggest fucking christmas tree I've ever seen. I hit it ass first about 20 feet up. The tree collasped into a slide and I slid down it to a perfect standup landing.



Rerminds me of something I witnessed when I jumped in Florida. Someone landed atop a palm tree, the only tree around for a hundred yards, naturally. Now, plam trees don't have a lot of surface area on top, and are surrounded by flimsy fronds. But by gosh they landed on top of that plam tree, standing up, and then didn't fall out of the tree either. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen if for myself. This was at the old Indiantown DZ.

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First of all, tnx for the funny story. And I learned a new phrase: to pony (sth) up B|

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I ponyied up (how the hell do you spell Pony+ed) with a small keg and just smiled.



It's "I ponied up" as in all verbs ending with y. Have look here.

And, heck, goodonya bringing a keg ;)
The sky is not the limit. The ground is.

The Society of Skydiving Ducks

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40+ years ago I told a student the toggles were, metal or plastic pieces. His were wood so he never touched them.
Blond (what else?) lands after her first jump and we ask her how she liked it. "liked what?" with the most innocent look on her face.
Guy with 43 jumps, still on level 2. Took 17 jumps to teach him to stand up on landing. Oh and he is a neurosurgeon.
U only make 2 jumps: the first one for some weird reason and the last one that you lived through. The rest are just filler.
scr 316

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I know the thread is all just supposedly good clean fun, but I find the concept of the thread ..... just "off" for a couple reasons.

I'll write one about the one of the more "heads up" students

I'm reserve side on a Cat A, the inside JM actually launched poorly with the student launching poorly). By the time the inside JM let go as agreed, I had a student on her back.

I go to flip her (this usually happens VERY immediately) and she looks me right in the eye and smiles: checks her altimeter: and then does a practice touch while on her back.

I flip her and the rest of the dive she aced

Love the composure, she was an infrequent student, but always did great.


Edit: the problem with "stupidest student stories" for me, is either:

the student just didn't get prepped very well, and that's not on the student, it's on me or my friends that prepped him.

or: the student just overloaded and I get a great ride and a lot of personal learning (my worst and likely on of the least 'bright' students ever was one of my most fun skydives ever, he REALLY made me work during the jump and, frankly, the debrief. I learned a ton)

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

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40+ years ago I told a student the toggles were, metal or plastic pieces. His were wood so he never touched them...

"

.......................................................................

Reminds me of a student in Dunnville, Ontario. During ground school, they had him pantomine steering his canopy by pulling his right hand to hip level to turn right, etc.
After they tossed him out of the airplane, he seemed to ignore radio instructions as he drifted towards the swamp.
After they dragged him out of the swamp, they asked him if he heard the radio.
"Yes"
Then they asked him what he did with the steering toggles.
The student demonstrated moving his empty hands up and down!
Hah!
Hah!

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