Courteney 0 #76 November 12, 2004 A friend of mine had a magazine in the plane and pretended it was an instruction manual. Looked funny on video but hilarious in freefall as he's busy reading it and starts checking his 3-rings etc, scratches his head and let's the "manual" go. One of the funniest tandem videos ever....drags me down like some sweet gravity!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
andygrom 0 #77 November 25, 2004 Usually we jump more than one tandem per load. So - we can joke with oter instructor or cameraman. E.g. "Hey, - at least THIS time can you land not to the forest??" or "As usual or to the dropzone?" And to passenger: Don't worry - I'm very succefull TM - I have about 70 percents of successfull tandems. or Keep smile or your face muscles will be relaxed and you will have terrible video I like tandems - there are many fun on it! Wish you too :)-- Andygrom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AMax 0 #78 November 27, 2004 Not a TI joke, but I think it is related to this thread. A friend of mine did a tandem and liked it so much so she decided to make another one on the same day. I knew that she was fixing to go up with different instructor who will probably let her stir a canopy after opening since she did very well on her first jump. So I told my friend to wait until they start a pattern and then tell her TI that she is kinda bored with straight in landings and ask is she could do a 270 front riser hook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BGill 0 #79 November 29, 2004 my favorite one i've heard a TM at my dz say to a student: as they're gearing up the student and they're down there tightening up the students leg straps "oh dont worry, im not gay... i sucked a dick last week and didn't like it at all!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
upndownshop 0 #80 November 29, 2004 I thought I would drop a line on this. Maybe this is really stupid but here goes. I am all for the jokes and relaxing the passenger, but this is my thought. Cameraman is doing ground interview, jokes are made such as "hey TM what color pills did you take today?" or they video the back of the harness (warning label) etc..or loose threads (fraying) and make some comment that it will make it one more jump. The TM tells passenger to tell him a funny joke and everytime he doesn't laugh you lose one attachment point. Here is my question....Can that video or the comments be used in court if some unfortunate accident occurs? Thus resulting in UA's, lawsuits, or what ever the courts might request. Do we need to make jokes about "death" or accidents to relax the student???? I am not a lawyer or TM and I am not saying that this it is wrong to makes these jokes. Please understand this is just a question not a statement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheMonkey 0 #81 November 29, 2004 QuoteCan that video or the comments be used in court if some unfortunate accident occurs? Thus resulting in UA's, lawsuits, or what ever the courts might request. Do we need to make jokes about "death" or accidents to relax the student???? they can try and use that in court all they want, however I have tapes upon tapes with the same/similar jokes with other students, so it's not part of my professionalism or lack there of, it's part of my schtick. We don't have to make jokes about death or accidents but i think it adds to the experience. These whuffos aren't coming back to jump again, they want the amusement park ride, they want to be entertained, scared, thrilled, exhilirated, and satisfied all in one jump. If I get them spun up with fear, calm them with jokes, be upbeat, crazy, and then give them the ride of their life with a killer video to take home...well that's what they are paying me for! just my $0.02, mind if i get some change --------------------- Never argue with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scooterskydives 0 #82 December 1, 2004 Quotemy favorite one i've heard a TM at my dz say to a student: as they're gearing up the student and they're down there tightening up the students leg straps "oh dont worry, im not gay... i sucked a dick last week and didn't like it at all!" eeewwwww....That's just wrong...not a good choiceIf God wanted man to stay on the ground. He would of put roots on them instead of feet. loving life GO-N-UP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Travman 6 #83 December 2, 2004 Sometimes I say to the TM, "Hey its good to see they are letting you jump again, I suppose its been a while since the accident" or "Oh, you got rig 3... good luck" Once we are on the ride up to altitude and my AFF instructor leaned over to a TM and said "Did you tell him what to do if the chute doesn't open" Ahh Tandem passengers are great fun. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #84 December 16, 2004 QuoteThese whuffos aren't coming back to jump again, Quote Ya think..?! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skylord 1 #85 December 19, 2004 Here's one. TM: If you have a lump in your throat, you're enjoying yourself. If you feel a lump in your back, I'm enjoying myself. BobBob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #86 December 20, 2004 TM: If you have a lump in your throat, you're enjoying yourself. If you feel a lump in your back, I'm enjoying myself. *** ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #87 December 27, 2004 OK, I'm not a TI but being from a small, cessna DZ, most of my jumps are riding up with tandems. My personal rule is no "black humor". I'll joke, sing, accuse the TI of all sorts of moral impropriety with farm animals and such. I like to see the passenger smiling on the way up.I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pash 0 #88 December 28, 2004 My first TI told me at least 3 times on the way up, "If I say to you 'Oh my God, we're going to DIE!' that mean's we're going to die." He screamed for about 5 seconds out the door. I went with him again 2 days later Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TVPB 0 #89 December 30, 2004 For the macho man passenger: - just as you exit a slower aircraft with not much airspeed or noise, whisper into their ear - "Sorry - I forgot to connect you to me". Just get ready for some instability!!!! - whilst on the ride to height - hey dude isn't that your car heading down the freeway? - whilst doing 360 spins - "how do you stop this?" - after the parachute opens - "where the hell are we" or if it is a windy day with long spot - "we are not going to make it back" - or tell them you are not feeling too well after you have handed then the toggles, then go limp in your harness. - or tell them you are gay and will land away from the target to make %^&^ to them. - During opening - "Oh no, not again?" If you are taking one part of a couple and you've jumped out first -> prior to deployment, line yourself up facing the next tandem pair, open a little higher, whilst deploying point the other tandem pair out and start screaming, "their parachute is not opening properly", "they're too low", "oh my God". etc. Stay Safe - Have Fun - Good Luck The above could be crap, thought provoking, useful, or . . But not personal. You decide. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites csc 0 #90 December 31, 2004 well i'm no instructer but my very first jump was a tandem.... did the basics before heading over to the plane, final instructions were given to me... plane taxied down the runway, did a turn, pilot was in take off mode down the runway and got about half way and backed off and said that the engine had a misfire!....he turned around to started taxing again to downwind, turned around for takeoff again.... absolutely shitting myself until we exited the plane at 12500... Had video taken and I look like i was had just losst amillion dollars..absolutey blank face! when i got back to the dz i was then informed that another mate who was wwas watching the jump knew the pilot and had set up the joke! wasnt funny at the time especially during the second take off but now all is forgiven! :-) It got me hook, line and sinker! try it! I will work magic! "Blue skys in 2005" ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites webracer 0 #91 January 16, 2005 I usually tell them that we're in this together, and I have got plans tonight that I'm not breaking. If I have a nervous guy that seems stiff, I reinforce the arch prior to boarding by telling him (with all the others around) that he may want to arch because I took some viagra for tonight and it is kicking in earlier than expected. There are a million of them. If your friend is a veteran, he/she knows what works, keep using it. It's kinda like groundhog day, they just keep coming and it is always fresh to them.Troy I am now free to exercise my downward mobility. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites webracer 0 #92 January 16, 2005 We have some really bright jumpsuits in the smaller sizes, and when that comes up, we say it is easier to find them out in the field if something goes wrong. This kinda relates to when they ask me what the handles are up on my chest. I say one is to cutaway the main and deploy the reserve, and the other is to cutaway a student who is freaking out or not arching. I don't tell them which is which, but I tell them that during opening, it is not a good place to grab, because they may just get themselves another skydive. We have also used the grippers are handles line many timesTroy I am now free to exercise my downward mobility. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tdog 0 #93 January 23, 2005 “Remember, the last thing to go thru your head will be mine.” (I don’t normally like jokes about death in skydiving, especially to wuffos/newbies/tandems, but this has a certain “we are in this together” feel to it.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tandemphil 0 #94 January 24, 2005 here's a pretty good one. .......... " If everything goes horribly wrong and the parachute doesn't open, you'll see a big white flash. I want you to go towards the light,.... don't follow me and the camera man, we'll be going the wrong way." to do is to be to be is to do do be do be do Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites AFFI 0 #95 January 25, 2005 This one really gets em sometimes: There was a solar flare this morning (looking really serious) and gravity may have been affected up to 15%! Make sure you expose your gravity vents (touching my hard housings) to ensure a stable fall rate. They say REALLY? And I simply say… No… If they are uptight on the plane I tell them if they fart it will make them more comfortable… If you hit a cloud at the right angle they will skip off of it like skipping a rock across the surface of a pond. I am surprised how many takers of this line want to try it… I work at an upscale DZ near a large city with 3 otters – we do not make jokes about being intoxicated, sexual innuendo, getting injured or killed. It is okay to joke around BUT very important to instill in your students mind that they are safe and will be taken care of. It is not political correctness but rather this: The idea of tandem training is to introduce newcomers to the sport safely and to get them to come back and eventually go solo. It is of paramount importance that they understand that their safety is first.Mykel AFF-I10 Skydiving Priorities: 1) Open Canopy. 2) Land Safely. 3) Don’t hurt anyone. 4) Repeat… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites douwanto 22 #96 February 9, 2005 Quote TM wearing sport gear: You know I’ve watched you tandem guys, that shit looks easy to me. TM: Well if it looks so easy why don’t we switch gear and you can give it a try, smartass! Now this is some funny ass shit I will imploy this one at Dublin Wahoooooo Come to the Dublin Boogie Uncle/GrandPapa Whit Unico Rodriguez # 245 Muff Brother # 2421 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites toronto_bill 0 #97 October 27, 2005 In the morning when I have a coffee around, my cameraman will ask: Have you taken your medication? I say "no, but I am drinking lots of coffee." Then I come clean with the passenger and say I have narcolepsy. I tell them the coffee should work, and I got lots of sleep. But if they hear snoring..... Jump safe, Bill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bigorangemd 0 #98 October 28, 2005 Our S&TA is also a TM and was a passenger for a new TM. As a joke he was given a new certificate and is now sure to point it out to his passengers showning how he "Just started a few weeks ago himself" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Deuce 1 #99 November 2, 2005 "Okay, Frito. Once we get out of the plane we will accelerate to teminal velocity. At terminal, you may feel a great big jerk on your back. That's just me." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Peej 0 #100 November 2, 2005 QuoteFor the macho man passenger: - just as you exit a slower aircraft with not much airspeed or noise, whisper into their ear - "Sorry - I forgot to connect you to me". Just get ready for some instability!!!! - whilst on the ride to height - hey dude isn't that your car heading down the freeway? - whilst doing 360 spins - "how do you stop this?" - after the parachute opens - "where the hell are we" or if it is a windy day with long spot - "we are not going to make it back" - or tell them you are not feeling too well after you have handed then the toggles, then go limp in your harness. - or tell them you are gay and will land away from the target to make %^&^ to them. - During opening - "Oh no, not again?" If you are taking one part of a couple and you've jumped out first -> prior to deployment, line yourself up facing the next tandem pair, open a little higher, whilst deploying point the other tandem pair out and start screaming, "their parachute is not opening properly", "they're too low", "oh my God". etc. Some of those are seriously cruel jokes! Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next Page 4 of 8 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. 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TVPB 0 #89 December 30, 2004 For the macho man passenger: - just as you exit a slower aircraft with not much airspeed or noise, whisper into their ear - "Sorry - I forgot to connect you to me". Just get ready for some instability!!!! - whilst on the ride to height - hey dude isn't that your car heading down the freeway? - whilst doing 360 spins - "how do you stop this?" - after the parachute opens - "where the hell are we" or if it is a windy day with long spot - "we are not going to make it back" - or tell them you are not feeling too well after you have handed then the toggles, then go limp in your harness. - or tell them you are gay and will land away from the target to make %^&^ to them. - During opening - "Oh no, not again?" If you are taking one part of a couple and you've jumped out first -> prior to deployment, line yourself up facing the next tandem pair, open a little higher, whilst deploying point the other tandem pair out and start screaming, "their parachute is not opening properly", "they're too low", "oh my God". etc. Stay Safe - Have Fun - Good Luck The above could be crap, thought provoking, useful, or . . But not personal. You decide. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csc 0 #90 December 31, 2004 well i'm no instructer but my very first jump was a tandem.... did the basics before heading over to the plane, final instructions were given to me... plane taxied down the runway, did a turn, pilot was in take off mode down the runway and got about half way and backed off and said that the engine had a misfire!....he turned around to started taxing again to downwind, turned around for takeoff again.... absolutely shitting myself until we exited the plane at 12500... Had video taken and I look like i was had just losst amillion dollars..absolutey blank face! when i got back to the dz i was then informed that another mate who was wwas watching the jump knew the pilot and had set up the joke! wasnt funny at the time especially during the second take off but now all is forgiven! :-) It got me hook, line and sinker! try it! I will work magic! "Blue skys in 2005" ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
webracer 0 #91 January 16, 2005 I usually tell them that we're in this together, and I have got plans tonight that I'm not breaking. If I have a nervous guy that seems stiff, I reinforce the arch prior to boarding by telling him (with all the others around) that he may want to arch because I took some viagra for tonight and it is kicking in earlier than expected. There are a million of them. If your friend is a veteran, he/she knows what works, keep using it. It's kinda like groundhog day, they just keep coming and it is always fresh to them.Troy I am now free to exercise my downward mobility. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
webracer 0 #92 January 16, 2005 We have some really bright jumpsuits in the smaller sizes, and when that comes up, we say it is easier to find them out in the field if something goes wrong. This kinda relates to when they ask me what the handles are up on my chest. I say one is to cutaway the main and deploy the reserve, and the other is to cutaway a student who is freaking out or not arching. I don't tell them which is which, but I tell them that during opening, it is not a good place to grab, because they may just get themselves another skydive. We have also used the grippers are handles line many timesTroy I am now free to exercise my downward mobility. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tdog 0 #93 January 23, 2005 “Remember, the last thing to go thru your head will be mine.” (I don’t normally like jokes about death in skydiving, especially to wuffos/newbies/tandems, but this has a certain “we are in this together” feel to it.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tandemphil 0 #94 January 24, 2005 here's a pretty good one. .......... " If everything goes horribly wrong and the parachute doesn't open, you'll see a big white flash. I want you to go towards the light,.... don't follow me and the camera man, we'll be going the wrong way." to do is to be to be is to do do be do be do Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AFFI 0 #95 January 25, 2005 This one really gets em sometimes: There was a solar flare this morning (looking really serious) and gravity may have been affected up to 15%! Make sure you expose your gravity vents (touching my hard housings) to ensure a stable fall rate. They say REALLY? And I simply say… No… If they are uptight on the plane I tell them if they fart it will make them more comfortable… If you hit a cloud at the right angle they will skip off of it like skipping a rock across the surface of a pond. I am surprised how many takers of this line want to try it… I work at an upscale DZ near a large city with 3 otters – we do not make jokes about being intoxicated, sexual innuendo, getting injured or killed. It is okay to joke around BUT very important to instill in your students mind that they are safe and will be taken care of. It is not political correctness but rather this: The idea of tandem training is to introduce newcomers to the sport safely and to get them to come back and eventually go solo. It is of paramount importance that they understand that their safety is first.Mykel AFF-I10 Skydiving Priorities: 1) Open Canopy. 2) Land Safely. 3) Don’t hurt anyone. 4) Repeat… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
douwanto 22 #96 February 9, 2005 Quote TM wearing sport gear: You know I’ve watched you tandem guys, that shit looks easy to me. TM: Well if it looks so easy why don’t we switch gear and you can give it a try, smartass! Now this is some funny ass shit I will imploy this one at Dublin Wahoooooo Come to the Dublin Boogie Uncle/GrandPapa Whit Unico Rodriguez # 245 Muff Brother # 2421 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
toronto_bill 0 #97 October 27, 2005 In the morning when I have a coffee around, my cameraman will ask: Have you taken your medication? I say "no, but I am drinking lots of coffee." Then I come clean with the passenger and say I have narcolepsy. I tell them the coffee should work, and I got lots of sleep. But if they hear snoring..... Jump safe, Bill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bigorangemd 0 #98 October 28, 2005 Our S&TA is also a TM and was a passenger for a new TM. As a joke he was given a new certificate and is now sure to point it out to his passengers showning how he "Just started a few weeks ago himself" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #99 November 2, 2005 "Okay, Frito. Once we get out of the plane we will accelerate to teminal velocity. At terminal, you may feel a great big jerk on your back. That's just me." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peej 0 #100 November 2, 2005 QuoteFor the macho man passenger: - just as you exit a slower aircraft with not much airspeed or noise, whisper into their ear - "Sorry - I forgot to connect you to me". Just get ready for some instability!!!! - whilst on the ride to height - hey dude isn't that your car heading down the freeway? - whilst doing 360 spins - "how do you stop this?" - after the parachute opens - "where the hell are we" or if it is a windy day with long spot - "we are not going to make it back" - or tell them you are not feeling too well after you have handed then the toggles, then go limp in your harness. - or tell them you are gay and will land away from the target to make %^&^ to them. - During opening - "Oh no, not again?" If you are taking one part of a couple and you've jumped out first -> prior to deployment, line yourself up facing the next tandem pair, open a little higher, whilst deploying point the other tandem pair out and start screaming, "their parachute is not opening properly", "they're too low", "oh my God". etc. Some of those are seriously cruel jokes! Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
