cpoxon 0 #26 May 28, 2004 QuoteMy response is that they are called paramedic handles, because things go really wrong the paramedics can pick us up easily without having to get their hnds in the mess Makes me laugh, but then again, I can have a sick sense of humour plus I've never seen a dead student (except on video - it's a requirement for Tandem certification in the UK to watch a video where a tandem pair goes in). Not specifically picking on skybeergodd here, as there have been a couple of lines in this thread which could be considered near the knuckle or even stepping over the line. Are there things you hear instructors saying to students that you think out shouldn't be said? Yes, this is a dangerous sport and you could get killed; how many of you tell your tandem students that in a non-jokey way? Are sick jokes the way to go about it? In this day and age, some dropzones are very commercial and staff are expected to act very professionally and I can see how attitudes could clash.Skydiving Fatalities - Cease not to learn 'til thou cease to live Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #27 May 28, 2004 QuoteAre there things you hear instructors saying to students that you think out shouldn't be said? Mainly the ones I hear that I don't think should be said are ones that if something DID go wrong, the whuffo student might try to use what was said in court against the TM. Also, the sexual harrassment problems with some of the jokes.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tkhayes 125 #28 May 31, 2004 Being in Florida we usually say "Mickey Mouse will not risk HIS life for your entertainment, but we will" "So you are OK with a big gay guy strapped to your rear end?" "My New Year's resolution was for me to figure out those friggin' tandem landings if it kills me" "No really, I DO have more tandem malfunctions than anyone else I know" (Actually not a joke) "Don't show that video around too much OK? My parole officer does not know that I am here" TK Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #29 May 31, 2004 That's a lot of funny stuff, but some of it is borderline. You've got to "read" your student, and figure what will entertain them, and what will freak them out. It just varies so much. For the nervous, scared-they're-gonna-die passengers, I like the line "Well, I got big plans tonight, so you don't need to worry too much." Maybe not hilarious, but it's calmed down a few. For the thrill seekers, you can let the really funny s%$# rip. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dougiefresh 0 #30 June 1, 2004 Not an instructor, but wtf... When I did my first tandem, my instructor asked me if this was my first time jumping. When I said yes, he said, "oh yeah? it's my second!" Then in the plane when he was hookin me up he pretended one of the straps wouldn't reach, handed it to me, and said, "hold on to this, and DON'T DROP IT!" suffice to say I laughed the entire time I was with him and I've jumped again and again and again...Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #31 June 1, 2004 QuoteThen in the plane when he was hookin me up he pretended one of the straps wouldn't reach, handed it to me, and said, "hold on to this, and DON'T DROP IT!" Quote LMFAO. I'm gonna try that one this weekend. Thanks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sneaky 0 #32 June 2, 2004 me too Ron... my brief is exactly this.. cross arms...head back ...legs back..if I pat your legs make a big banana...and dont touch my fucking hands or we will die... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sneaky 0 #33 June 2, 2004 TK I always knew and had a big suspicion that you were a raving big homesexual canadian.. wanna come dancing with me in Ebor next timed im over???? jordy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites livendive 8 #34 June 3, 2004 Quoteme too Ron... my brief is exactly this.. cross arms...head back ...legs back..if I pat your legs make a big banana...and dont touch my fucking hands or we will die... "Don't grab my hands. If you choose to grab one of my hands, you had better grab both because otherwise the free one will be punching you in the face very hard. If you grab both, that stinging sensation at the base of your skull will be me ripping the meat off your neck with my teeth. Got it?" Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites livendive 8 #35 June 3, 2004 Our cameraman often concludes his in-flight interview with "Oh, and don't worry...no matter what happens to you guys, I'll be fine." Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites douwanto 22 #36 June 5, 2004 When I first meet them I ask them a few questions then tell them my name and say I have a lovely wife and 3 kids to go home to so their in good hands. I have had them tell me later, that was what made them relax. Then we will go into some jokes if they are relaxed. Camera guy: how does it feel to be out of prison TI: well its great sept I miss my boyfreinds (said while hooking them up). Last time I did this the dude said oooooohhhh and wiggled has ass against me. Last time I used that one. camera guy: Hows your leg. TI: showing the passenger my knee scar:: feels pretty good today camera guy: so do they think your passenger will be walking soon???? conversation with other TI: How are you doing? other TI: SHE GOT EVERYTHING!!! Me : what are you going to do?? other TI: dont know but nothings paid for and I canceled my insurance. Then go on hooking up like you said nothing. this one is fun!!!! Chris Uncle/GrandPapa Whit Unico Rodriguez # 245 Muff Brother # 2421 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites wardhessig 0 #37 June 5, 2004 Here is a little one I use when I am showing them the rig we are going to use. i say we have two parachutes, a main and a reserve, if something is wrong with the main, we pull one handle and its gone and we can use the reserve. If something is wrong with the reserve just follow me down the long tunnel to the white light, there should be some grandparents, kids, dogs, etc......there getting the party started. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ChristianH 0 #38 June 5, 2004 When I went for my Tandem and my TM got me set in the harness he showed me the 4 attachment points and told me that it would be my job in the plane to make sure that I am hooked up to all 4 as he tends to forget... QuoteWe have told students that "NO, NO, NO" sounds like "GO, GO, GO" and "I don't want to go" sounds like "GERONIMO". My groundinstructor used a variation of that one. He said "Shortly before exiting, the tandem master is going to ask you if you are ready to skydive." He then continued "We don't really care what your answer is going to be. At 13.500 ft. with the door open and the wind blasting pretty much anything that you say will sound like 'Let's go!' to us." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Auryn 0 #39 June 10, 2004 QuoteMy Favorite line to use is when students ask me what the grippers are for on the jumps suits....My response is that they are called paramedic handles, because things go really wrong the paramedics can pick us up easily without having to get their hnds in the mess This is hilarious. I am soo going to use it next time I get asked this question. Blue Ones ! Bryan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mcrocker 0 #40 June 10, 2004 *while in the plane* Me: Hey, how are you doing? TM: Not so good, I'm kinda upset. Me: You still taking those anti-depressants? TM: Nah, I stopped taking them a couple days ago... This normally gets the students all bug eyed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiverjerry 0 #41 June 11, 2004 i've worn a bart simpson mask, a spiderman mask wig and groucho nose and glasses horror mask and walked out with dark glasses and white cain, goes like this, at about 5k camera man asks guest some questions like how are feeling, want to say goodby to anybody? who's got the car keys? ect then asks how he feels jumping with bart/spiderman ect look of confusion follows and cam guy then says look behind you! looks cool on the video and sure gets them relaxed!life is a journey not to arrive at the grave in a pristine condition but to skid in sideways kicking and screaming, shouting "fuck me what a ride!. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tandembrent 0 #42 June 15, 2004 - i like to tell them i don't get paid unless i bring them back with me. - that i'm not dieing today because i have plans for the evening. - that i lost a tooth biting a person that had a-hold of my hands. -keep your eyes open when we exit, because there is a secret code word written on the bottom of the airplane and if they can't tell me what it said later , we charge their credit card an additional 25$ -try and grab the videographers shoe and pull it off for a reward when we land. -when they complain about the uncomfortable harness, i say that i work at Helga's house of pain during the week. of course you may use em if you want! brent ***~~~~Green grass and high clouds forever~~~~ no matter where you go, there you are! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Brodes 0 #43 June 15, 2004 Stand around with a few buddies and 'try' to pack a tandem rig with some makeshift instructions and puzzled looks while passengers are hanging around Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites docjohn 0 #44 June 16, 2004 "I had to stop taking my seizure medicine because it doesn't mix well with cocaine." Doc http://www.manifestmaster.com/video Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites scooterskydives 0 #45 June 16, 2004 One of my favorites that I hear my fellow TM say is after they are all hooked up and the door is open they hand them a hand to shake and say "Well it's you and me against the world...hopefully not literaly"If God wanted man to stay on the ground. He would of put roots on them instead of feet. loving life GO-N-UP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites teason 0 #46 June 18, 2004 When I show them the rig, I tell not to worry about the size and weight, cause I'm the one wearing it ... so they've REALLY got to hang on!I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites GroundZero 0 #47 June 24, 2004 Ohhh...so many... I jump with flip flops and they always ask..."Do those ever come off?" To which I reply, "Why yes, every night." I always get asked by the quiet type at some point. "Have you ever lost anyone here?" To which I respond, "Nope, we've found them all." Just a few weeks ago, as I was hooking up, the guy asked me... "Have you ever made any mistakes since you started skydiving?" I explained that I had thousands of jumps and had never been hurt seriously, then admitted that Friday nite I made the first serious mistake of my skydiving career. He asked with great concern and sincerity, "What happened?"... I explained that I switched my prescription from Viagra to Cialas and IT REALLY IS THE WEEKEND PILL, then torqued the sides tighter than usual. I thought that was great, did the same on my next passenger (girl) and found myself feeling very unprofessional. Some work and some are just wrong timing. I'm proud to have over a thousand tandems with excellent professionalism. Remember that many times we're simply entertaining ourselves with these jokes. When I turn someone onto skydiving through Tandem and they stick around, it's far more fun than my little giggles with these half assed jokes. (But I did pick out a few I'll throw into my joke book.) Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bodypilot1 0 #48 June 24, 2004 QuoteRemember that many times we're simply entertaining ourselves with these jokes. *** Oh how TRUE! As a TI for many years, I dont know how many times I have heard the same thing out of the same Instructors...... The newly rated Instructors dont usually say many jokes because they are just a frieghtend as their passenger, but as they get more comfortable the jokes start and soon get to be like a scrached record, over and over and over. Also you can usually tell who just got their rating from the video. I have seen TI's have the stupidest antics all the way through the freefall and take the total focus off the student. Let the student do the antics and give them a safe enjoyable skydive. - -www.WestCoastWingsuits.com www.PrecisionSkydiving.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Brodes 0 #49 June 30, 2004 When showing tandems how to arch, say 'Now start flapping your arms...that's what you gotta do if the parachute doesn't work'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Lostinspace 0 #50 July 1, 2004 Not an instructor, but ... On my first tandem, while my instructor was hooking me up he said, "Don't worry. If anything goes wrong, I'll be the last thing through your mind." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next Page 2 of 8 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. 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sneaky 0 #32 June 2, 2004 me too Ron... my brief is exactly this.. cross arms...head back ...legs back..if I pat your legs make a big banana...and dont touch my fucking hands or we will die... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sneaky 0 #33 June 2, 2004 TK I always knew and had a big suspicion that you were a raving big homesexual canadian.. wanna come dancing with me in Ebor next timed im over???? jordy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #34 June 3, 2004 Quoteme too Ron... my brief is exactly this.. cross arms...head back ...legs back..if I pat your legs make a big banana...and dont touch my fucking hands or we will die... "Don't grab my hands. If you choose to grab one of my hands, you had better grab both because otherwise the free one will be punching you in the face very hard. If you grab both, that stinging sensation at the base of your skull will be me ripping the meat off your neck with my teeth. Got it?" Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #35 June 3, 2004 Our cameraman often concludes his in-flight interview with "Oh, and don't worry...no matter what happens to you guys, I'll be fine." Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
douwanto 22 #36 June 5, 2004 When I first meet them I ask them a few questions then tell them my name and say I have a lovely wife and 3 kids to go home to so their in good hands. I have had them tell me later, that was what made them relax. Then we will go into some jokes if they are relaxed. Camera guy: how does it feel to be out of prison TI: well its great sept I miss my boyfreinds (said while hooking them up). Last time I did this the dude said oooooohhhh and wiggled has ass against me. Last time I used that one. camera guy: Hows your leg. TI: showing the passenger my knee scar:: feels pretty good today camera guy: so do they think your passenger will be walking soon???? conversation with other TI: How are you doing? other TI: SHE GOT EVERYTHING!!! Me : what are you going to do?? other TI: dont know but nothings paid for and I canceled my insurance. Then go on hooking up like you said nothing. this one is fun!!!! Chris Uncle/GrandPapa Whit Unico Rodriguez # 245 Muff Brother # 2421 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardhessig 0 #37 June 5, 2004 Here is a little one I use when I am showing them the rig we are going to use. i say we have two parachutes, a main and a reserve, if something is wrong with the main, we pull one handle and its gone and we can use the reserve. If something is wrong with the reserve just follow me down the long tunnel to the white light, there should be some grandparents, kids, dogs, etc......there getting the party started. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChristianH 0 #38 June 5, 2004 When I went for my Tandem and my TM got me set in the harness he showed me the 4 attachment points and told me that it would be my job in the plane to make sure that I am hooked up to all 4 as he tends to forget... QuoteWe have told students that "NO, NO, NO" sounds like "GO, GO, GO" and "I don't want to go" sounds like "GERONIMO". My groundinstructor used a variation of that one. He said "Shortly before exiting, the tandem master is going to ask you if you are ready to skydive." He then continued "We don't really care what your answer is going to be. At 13.500 ft. with the door open and the wind blasting pretty much anything that you say will sound like 'Let's go!' to us." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Auryn 0 #39 June 10, 2004 QuoteMy Favorite line to use is when students ask me what the grippers are for on the jumps suits....My response is that they are called paramedic handles, because things go really wrong the paramedics can pick us up easily without having to get their hnds in the mess This is hilarious. I am soo going to use it next time I get asked this question. Blue Ones ! Bryan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mcrocker 0 #40 June 10, 2004 *while in the plane* Me: Hey, how are you doing? TM: Not so good, I'm kinda upset. Me: You still taking those anti-depressants? TM: Nah, I stopped taking them a couple days ago... This normally gets the students all bug eyed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverjerry 0 #41 June 11, 2004 i've worn a bart simpson mask, a spiderman mask wig and groucho nose and glasses horror mask and walked out with dark glasses and white cain, goes like this, at about 5k camera man asks guest some questions like how are feeling, want to say goodby to anybody? who's got the car keys? ect then asks how he feels jumping with bart/spiderman ect look of confusion follows and cam guy then says look behind you! looks cool on the video and sure gets them relaxed!life is a journey not to arrive at the grave in a pristine condition but to skid in sideways kicking and screaming, shouting "fuck me what a ride!. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tandembrent 0 #42 June 15, 2004 - i like to tell them i don't get paid unless i bring them back with me. - that i'm not dieing today because i have plans for the evening. - that i lost a tooth biting a person that had a-hold of my hands. -keep your eyes open when we exit, because there is a secret code word written on the bottom of the airplane and if they can't tell me what it said later , we charge their credit card an additional 25$ -try and grab the videographers shoe and pull it off for a reward when we land. -when they complain about the uncomfortable harness, i say that i work at Helga's house of pain during the week. of course you may use em if you want! brent ***~~~~Green grass and high clouds forever~~~~ no matter where you go, there you are! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brodes 0 #43 June 15, 2004 Stand around with a few buddies and 'try' to pack a tandem rig with some makeshift instructions and puzzled looks while passengers are hanging around Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
docjohn 0 #44 June 16, 2004 "I had to stop taking my seizure medicine because it doesn't mix well with cocaine." Doc http://www.manifestmaster.com/video Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scooterskydives 0 #45 June 16, 2004 One of my favorites that I hear my fellow TM say is after they are all hooked up and the door is open they hand them a hand to shake and say "Well it's you and me against the world...hopefully not literaly"If God wanted man to stay on the ground. He would of put roots on them instead of feet. loving life GO-N-UP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
teason 0 #46 June 18, 2004 When I show them the rig, I tell not to worry about the size and weight, cause I'm the one wearing it ... so they've REALLY got to hang on!I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GroundZero 0 #47 June 24, 2004 Ohhh...so many... I jump with flip flops and they always ask..."Do those ever come off?" To which I reply, "Why yes, every night." I always get asked by the quiet type at some point. "Have you ever lost anyone here?" To which I respond, "Nope, we've found them all." Just a few weeks ago, as I was hooking up, the guy asked me... "Have you ever made any mistakes since you started skydiving?" I explained that I had thousands of jumps and had never been hurt seriously, then admitted that Friday nite I made the first serious mistake of my skydiving career. He asked with great concern and sincerity, "What happened?"... I explained that I switched my prescription from Viagra to Cialas and IT REALLY IS THE WEEKEND PILL, then torqued the sides tighter than usual. I thought that was great, did the same on my next passenger (girl) and found myself feeling very unprofessional. Some work and some are just wrong timing. I'm proud to have over a thousand tandems with excellent professionalism. Remember that many times we're simply entertaining ourselves with these jokes. When I turn someone onto skydiving through Tandem and they stick around, it's far more fun than my little giggles with these half assed jokes. (But I did pick out a few I'll throw into my joke book.) Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot1 0 #48 June 24, 2004 QuoteRemember that many times we're simply entertaining ourselves with these jokes. *** Oh how TRUE! As a TI for many years, I dont know how many times I have heard the same thing out of the same Instructors...... The newly rated Instructors dont usually say many jokes because they are just a frieghtend as their passenger, but as they get more comfortable the jokes start and soon get to be like a scrached record, over and over and over. Also you can usually tell who just got their rating from the video. I have seen TI's have the stupidest antics all the way through the freefall and take the total focus off the student. Let the student do the antics and give them a safe enjoyable skydive. - -www.WestCoastWingsuits.com www.PrecisionSkydiving.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brodes 0 #49 June 30, 2004 When showing tandems how to arch, say 'Now start flapping your arms...that's what you gotta do if the parachute doesn't work'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Lostinspace 0 #50 July 1, 2004 Not an instructor, but ... On my first tandem, while my instructor was hooking me up he said, "Don't worry. If anything goes wrong, I'll be the last thing through your mind." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next Page 2 of 8 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
Lostinspace 0 #50 July 1, 2004 Not an instructor, but ... On my first tandem, while my instructor was hooking me up he said, "Don't worry. If anything goes wrong, I'll be the last thing through your mind." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
