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airtwardo

Skydiving Songs & Poems

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On 3/11/2004 at 2:48 PM, airtwardo said:

The Phantom Tenth Man
by Jim Rogers

Flying Fred had cratered in
A week ago and now and then
We saw the spot where he'd been killed
The hole in the ground had just been filled.

It made us stop and it made us think
But we shrugged our shoulders and drank our drinks;
We knew the score when he got his:
Jumping from planes is a dangerous biz.

Fred had given up students and he'd given up style
And he only saw the target every once in a while.
Most of the time he walked country roads
Having just come down from an eight-man load.

Time and again we'd heard Fred say,
"Now save a place, 'cause on the day
That this state sees a ten-man fly
I'm closing tenth before I die."

Well, thinking of what we'd heard Fred say
We decided to hold a memorial day.
The first ten-man still gleamed in our eyes
So on this day we'd give it a try.

With chewing gum and refrigerator tape
We put our Beech into real good shape.
The pilot grinned at the dripping oil
Then strapped on a rig and said, "Let's roll."

The Federal Man thought otherwise;
He threw the book and said, "Look you guys,
You bounced old Fred when you were up last time;
The tenth man stays, You're going with nine."

With tears in his eyes someone got off the load,
Threw his gear in the trunk and drove off down the road.
With thirty-six jumps he'd have probably done fine
But Fred would be happy if we got the first nine.

The Beech took off in a black smoke cloud
Just under the wires and over the crowd!
Spectators ducked and faces got white
And we didn't breathe 'til we were in flight!

We were two hours late when we hit twelve-five
And the pilot yelled with fear in his eyes,
"Get ready you guys, we're going on in
'Cause we're out of gas! Better check my pins!"

"Man in the door!" came a muffled shout,
I was tyin' my shoes when the base fell out;
The pin was gone, then three, then four,
And then there was nothing but me and the door!

I dove head low, someone's boot in my mouth;
The prop blast hit as I flew out;
Tumbling plane overhead, falling bodies below,
Stable at last, but a long way to go.

I tracked so hard that I couldn't stop,
My breath was gone and my eyeballs popped!
Drilled a hole in a cloud and started to flare,
And when I came out the star was there.

I got a good grip and the star was round;
One eye on the needle and one on the ground
We started to break when we heard a yell
And across from me was a face from hell!

Trailing red smoke from an M-18
A phantom tenth man appeared on the scene!
We wanted to break but found we could not.
Our grips froze tight when he hit the slot!

I'll swear to this day it was Flying Fred,
He had surplus gear and his eyes were red!
With a laugh you could hear and a wave of his hand
He broke off the star just over a grand!

Nobody waved and nobody tracked,
The trees got so big we just unpacked!
Reserves went by! Out flashed my own!
But that red smoke flew towards the ground.

Out by the peas was the Federal Man
Timing low pulls with a watch in his hands.
Came the lowest pull of all that day
Because Phantom Fred was heading his way.

With a grinning laugh and a blast of wind
In a cloud of smoke Fred brought it on in!
Lightning flashed and thunder rolled!
When the smoke cleared away, there was just a hole.

White reserves started landing there,
The Beech was down in a field somewhere
The FAA didn't like all this;
The man staggered off to file a near miss.

We all looked at the hole; then we all shook hands.
It was legal now, our first ten-man.
Where Fred had gone we couldn't say
But our witness was the FAA.

That night over a beer we thought of a way
To salute Flying Fred's Memorial Day.
Where that smoke bomb hit, now a marker stands,
It says, "Boys, I was with you on your first ten-man!"











~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

 

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On 5/28/2021 at 6:48 AM, gkc1436 said:

Him, Him........F*@k Him 

( The Ranch)

 

 

There's more to it than the one line skydivers sing, and I'm fairly certain it comes from military lore.  Before I was ever a skydiver, when I was a Canadian Army Cadet, then reservist, I heard the Hymn/Him, and there was more to it.  Anybody know the rest?

Part of it was
"Penisitus erectus protect us from syphilis
Hymn, Hymn, fuck him!"

This was 40 ish years ago when I heard it.

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If I should Go In


If I should go in, don’t shed a tear,
I’ve played the odds for many a year.
Don’t be PC, and hide the cause,
A high risk life, with many flaws.

I roll the dice, jump gutter gear,
But as I exit, grin ear to ear!
Mistakes I’ve made, have earned guffaws,
And more than once, medical gauze.

The scars I carry, are worth the pain,
Pop some pills, and manifest again!
It’s more than just a pastime this,
It’s not a phase one can dismiss.

A lifestyle that infects the brain,
Special friendships that you gain.
Weird senses of humour you can’t resist,
Countless nights you spend out on the piss.

So at my wake, please do let rip,
As that final toast you keenly sip.
Tell the truth about your departed mate,
“He’s not getting through the Pearly Gates.”

 

No insult if you do let slip,
“Once too often, he bashed his pip.”
To all who ask, just plainly state,
“He whistled in.” Don’t say: “He’s late”…

LP 2022.

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