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rockgirl

Help!Relationships and Skydiving

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Hi,
Could I have some feedback? I am married to a skydiving hating husband. We are all maniacs. I am about to leave. Has anyone had this experience. All I want to do is jump, but I can only get to the DZ about twice a month at the most, am then I am not allowed to stay for beer!!!!
Has anyone been in the same situation and what has been your reaction.
HELP!!!!1

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then I am not allowed to stay for beer!!!!

I think that any relationship where one party "allows" or "doesn't allow" the other party to do partake in enjoyable pastimes is teetering on the brink of mistrust, jealousy, and over-control.

That being said, you must work to find an acceptable balance between your life as a skydiver, and the rest of your life. Your loved ones still need you around! I took up skydiving after being married for 14 years ... if I get out to the dz every other weekend, I'm satisfied! It's all about compromise! I still love to take my kids to their soccer games Saturday morning, and try to reserve Sunday for "family time".

Good Luck!



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I feel your pain! My wife hates skydiving but, as long as it doesn't rule my (our) life then she deals with it. It's all a matter of perspective. I have to find time to jump, raise kids, work, and play (at things we BOTH like to do). We had some trouble a few years back and the marriage counselor actually took MY side on skydiving! I could'nt believe it. I love jumping, but I guess I love my life outside more.
Hope that helps
Blue Skies
J

"Just 'cause I'm simple, don't mean I'm stewpid!"

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I understand your dilemma, but please realize that having a partner that jumps is no solution. Your problem is not about whether you husband is interested in the sport or not. There are other issues here. Dump the bum and find someone who is really interested in you. ;)

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Twice a month seems like a reasonable amount of time to me for you to go to the dz. I think all couples benefit from a little time spent apart. The fact that you said you're "not allowed" to stay for beer is what worries me. There is definitely a control issue going on in your marriage that has nothing to do with skydiving. Skydiving itself rarely breaks up marriages.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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It sounds like you're married to someone who must hate a LOT more than skydiving....
How can ANY spouse look at the smile on the face of a skydiver....
and hear the enthusiastic chatter that follows a day at the DZ,,, and NOT be entertained by it,???,and feel HAPPY for their spouse...???
(jealousy maybe??).
Sounds like HE needs to attend an "after hours jump party"........
Ya' know what I am afraid of???????:o
I'm afraid of people who are afraid of skydiving..;)

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How can ANY spouse look at the smile on the face of a skydiver....
and hear the enthusiastic chatter that follows a day at the DZ,,, and NOT be entertained by it,???,and feel HAPPY for their spouse...???



This is exactly the way I feel. My non-skydiving husband lawyas asks how my day or weekend went, and patiently listens when I ramble on and on about his or that thing that happened at the DZ. He'll even watch my tapes! It's to the point now that he shows my tapes to visiting family (he doesn't like to admit that, though).

Anyway, it sounds like there are some trust issues going on here. Bringing him to the DZ might be a big first step. Why don't you get some decent video of YOU doing what you love...heck, you could even splice in bits of what happens on the ground...and show him sometime?

If the issue is trust, maybe you could compromise by you saying, OK, how about I only stay for one beer, then I come home? If the issue is that he's worried about your safety, definitely show him a video, sit down with him and show him the SIM/BSRs, whatever. Either way, it sounds like you're heading for a blow-up, and something should be done soon.
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!

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He's not paying for your habit though right? Skydiving is extremely expensive (as are other hobbies like golf, flying, gambling, having a mistress) but if he is the one that is providing the only income then I in his situation (unless you are really well off) would be disturbed about my wife spending that much money all the time. Granted I would rather jump too and do activities with my wife, but I'm crazy and will do any activity (except be willing to stay at home and watch TV all weekend or go shopping alll weekend, hmmm gonna have to find an athletic spouse.)

Jonathan
Jonathan Bartlett
D-24876
AFF-I

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Hoooooo boy!

I'm gonna try and not sound bitter for a change so here goes...

The Bad News: I just got divorced from a skydiving-hating whuffo.
The Good News: Skydiving really didn't have that much to do with it (though she did gripe occasionally about time at the DZ and the expense).

As you can see, there are many folks here who have non-skydiving spouses and remain happily married. The common thread among those relationships is compromise, respect for each other's interests and lack of controlling behavior.

My ex "let" me skydive. In retrospect, that was a pretty bad sign. I encouraged her to do the things she enjoyed doing, even though I didn't. I didn't get that in return.

I'm not saying you should get divorced, but you ought to reflect a little bit about the nature of your relationship and ask if you think you are being treated fairly or with respect. If not, you may want to go see a marriage counsellor. A lot of times that can help things.

Best of luck!

- Z
"Always be yourself... unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

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Has anyone been in the same situation and what has been your reaction.



I was at my dz on the weekend and read a advertisment on a well known local skydiver who was selling her gear because she'd lose her husband if she continued to skydive... what i found hilarious about the sad news was that on the advertisment, she had actually stated the reason why she was selling her gear!!!:D


Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

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"After Jump parties are NOT for the faint hearted":o
Roger That,,,,justdumi ;) It's called Baptism by Fire!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the real point is....
"Faint Hearted People make poor skydiving spouses";)............
.......as for ......... "HE will probably never LET his wife go back to the DZ...". (I know you're just joking around,,,but,,,,) The fact is.......
A good spouse, male or female doesn't LET anything..
he/she assists, helps and makes possible, the things which are important to his/her partner.....:)Right?????????

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"
"Faint Hearted People make poor skydiving spouses";)............
.......as for ......... "HE will probably never LET his wife go back to the DZ...". (I know you're just joking around,,,but,,,,) The fact is.......
A good spouse, male or female doesn't LET anything..
he/she assists, helps and makes possible, the things which are important to his/her partner.....:)Right?????????



Well Jimmy on a scale of 1 to 10.....that was a level 3 joke...most of it was serious. Obviously our man here has some insecurity/ jealousy issues....and on top of that he seems to have quite a lot of power over her...(this is my deduction from her story starting off by saying "i have a skydiving hating husband and i make 2 weekends per month....and i`m not allowed to stay for beers"

He might be a whuffo and think skydiving is an unecessary and dangerous expensebut then that wouldnt explain the after jump beer sanctions....thats full on insecurity...and seeing how the "baptism by fire " operates would probably make it worse if he actually saw skydivers partyingB|

Insecure men know what they would get up to if they were left alone....and i`m assuming he isnt the most outgoing person on the planet.:S

Maybe he just needs to be reassured occassionally or start his own "thing" that he does...

As to your last comment.....he probably thinks that she is important to him and he should be important to her so why should she skydive and spend days from home playing with her life!

waffle waffle waffle....i`ve run out of things to say except.....relation ships suck.;)

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I'm not in a place to seriously tell you what to do/not to do. But I would advise you to take a long hard look at your relationship, try talking to him and if needs be, see a marriage therapist.

I've had real problems picking myself back up after what was the most horrible relationship experience of my life. I wont go into detail about it b/c I'm sure those that know me here are really tired of my whining about it. All I will say is that he was a skydiver and he was actually the one who introduced me to the sport. Thats definitely the only thing I would thank him for.

I wish you the best.


"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

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Skydiver + whuffo with control issues/no interest of own=divorce/heart-ache
That said, my track-record with skydivers ain't good either (am I alone in this....no!)
No, seriously, a relationship without honesty and trust is no relationship at all.
If you give up jumping you will resent him for it, if you end your relationship over this alone you'll wonder about it.
Sit down and talk about why he feels uneasy about you socialising with a community external to him.
Have you given him flak about drinking with the boys? (HONESTLY....) If not, point this out. If you have in the past, talk.
Without trust and communication, you are likely to end up in a relationship based on habit and sex more than emotional conn.ection, and that isunhealthy
$0.02 from someone who's spent almost 20 years on DZ's and seen enough break-ups and divorces to keep Ricki-Lake and Jerry Springer busy for a decade or two!
xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

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my marriage of 7 years just ended. There were many problems. One of which was my skydiving. I think as many people here have said his issues with your skydiving are a small part of a bigger epidemic. If you love him and you want your marriage to last then find a compromise, see if you can get him to come out to the DZ and hang out, hell, he may even make some new friends. Take a long hard look at yourself, him and your marriage see if its worth saving, if it is do what it takes (within reason) to save it. If its not worth saving, then get out. Skymama said it best, skydiving is rarely the cause of most divorces it just becomes an issue people can pin it on. good luck

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Yo Rockgirl,

I see all the relevant resposes to your question ,but I must ask you straight out , have you given him any reason not to trust you for your "not allowed to stay for beer" statement, If yes deal with it, But if no see the other responses

Nut

p.s. My girlfriend and I both jump,thats also takes work.
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."

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My wife, bought me my AFF1 for my birthday this year. (love that girl).
We have been together for 14.5 years and she knew I alsways wanted to try AFF, but never had spare cash, bills suck they always turn up when I get a small win fall.
Anyways since AFF 1 I have been doing more jumps, she see how it make me feel and comes to the DZ to vicariously participate (loves watching the swoopers) She will probably never jump herself but understands that it's somthing I get a rush out of.
Now the cost is almost prohibative, but as a compromise, I am selling one of my motorbikes to fund it. I love my bike too, but I can't ride 2 at the same time so reason wins out. I just took on a second job aswell, teaching body attack aerobics, I get enough money from teaching one class to pay for one jump ticket, so the more i work the more I can jump.
If the extra effort from me was't there my woife would be far less understanding from a financial point of view.B|B|
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

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You need to look at your relationship. If he is ALLOWING you or FORBIDDING you to do something there is a big problem. You also describe him as a stick in the mud. If that is truely how you feel then you already have your answer....you are unhappy. Either find a way to be happy with him or get out.

Good luck........

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

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