Help with whuffo spouse

[Surf 0]

Here's my situation: I started jumping about 6 years ago and in that first year I got 51 jumps in. I loved it. in early 1998 though I grounded myself.

My 28 year old girlfriend had just died (unrelated to skydiving), I was VERY depressed, and figured diving was not safe for me at the time.

Fast Forward to today. I'm happily married , I'm no longer depressed, but I want to start jumping again. My wife is a high anxiety whuffo. The idea upsets her greatly.

I've been ignoring the need for sky now for 5 years. I've thought about pilot lessons- but its no fun flying in a plane. SCUBA is cool, but not the same fun.

My wife wants me to be happy, but she starts hyperventilating whenever I talk about it.
I want my wife to be happy, but the strain is getting to me.

Anyone have any helpful suggestions of what they've done in this position?

"Nothing is written"- T.E. Lawrence

[DALAILAMA 0]

Find the nearest Dropzone in your area and buy her a gift certificate for a free tandem.

"Dropzone.com, where uneducated people measuring penises, has become an art form"

[Phillbo 11]

Tell her your having and affaird and go jump instead... She'll be relieved when she finds out your just skydiving

[DALAILAMA 0]

Dude, that was wrong!......
I should have thought of that first! Damn

"Dropzone.com, where uneducated people measuring penises, has become an art form"

[skydiver51 0]

Try getting her to do an obersavition ride and watch other jumpers or yourself exit. If that won't work take her to the DZ just to watch others jump and let her talk to them and see just how happy they are after they land.

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[Nightingale 0]

try to get her to do a tandem.

if not, then just invite her out to the DZ to watch. Let her talk to some of the AFF instructors. Have a rigger explain to her the science behind why a parachute wants to open.

People fear what they don't understand. Help her understand.

[trigger 0]

Lead a bizarre double life thats what i do!

.CHOP WOOD COLLECT WATER.

[FrogNog 1]

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Try getting her to do an obersavition ride and watch other jumpers or yourself exit. If that won't work take her to the DZ just to watch others jump and let her talk to them and see just how happy they are after they land.

Yeah, I tried to get my whuffo (but rock-climbing) gf to go on an observer ride. She was OK until I mentioned that the one catch was she'd be wearing a bailout rig and she might, in a highly unlikely situation, be required to jump and pull the ripcord to save her life. That really put her off. I tried telling her that once it opened she wouldn't have to steer or anything but that didn't bring her back.

And she doesn't want to do a Tandem either. Sheesh.

-=-=-=-=-
Pull.

[meltdown 0]

She needs to do a tandem ASAP. I was nutso for a few weeks when my wife started skydiving, then I decided to do a tandem. It completely changed my view of skydiving, and of life in general. I didn't think I'd ever get into the sport, but now I'm obsessed. In fact, we're both obsessed. She just needs to see what it's all about. Then maybe she'll understand.

[linestretch 0]

well, you could just do what makes you happy, and then end up getting a divorce and living with second thoughts for the rest of you life....hey, that's me, sorry. Do what makes you happy bro.

my pics & stuff!

[rmsmith 1]

Sounds like she is financially dependent on you. Enter into a term life policy with her as the beneficiary.

[manifestbitch 0]

ok, i was in a similar situation. my fiance didn't hyperventilate, he just got EXTREMELY angry. i stressed and put off my first jump for a very long time (i was working @ the dz, maifest whuffo). finally i just told him that i needed to do this for myself. because i wanted to know i could do it. blah blah blah, "i have to do this for me, i really want you to support me, but if you can't that's fine. i understand your fear blah blah blah." i just kinda made it all about a self confidence issue. finally he said, "ok, you should do this" so i did and things were fine. if you can get her to do a tandem, that'd be the ideal situation, but if not, just really tell her that you need her to support this. for you. hope that helps.
cieux bleus, amanda

[Lee03 0]

I too would say get her to do a Tandem.. or get her to do an observation ride on the A/C.

--------
To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.

--Nevil Shute, Slide Rule

[jeremyneas 0]

The difference between fear and respect is knowledge.

First jump courses, books, have her watch you (especially the tippy toe landings, they have that 1970's slam/Airborn image in the mind).

Tandem is a ok idea, but it really depends on the attitude of the TM. You get some nut and it could strengthin her resolve. Expecially if they fuck up the landing.

Hope this helps a little

[DeNReN 0]

"Knowledge Dispels Fear"


quoted from CANPARA

[WFFC 1]

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try to get her to do a tandem.

If this doesn't work, plan a trip to one of the wind tunnels to get her feet wet for flying. Might entice her to do a tandem then.

[michaelflying 0]

tough one Begg and buy her gifts

www.skydivekzn.co.za

[testpilot 0]

You only have one life dude. Does it end today and you just carry on in a coma or do you live it. Only you can make that decision.

Dave
D830
http://www.skydiving.co.za

[darrenspooner 0]

Hey

This seems to be getting too regular for me to be replying to stuff like this. I'm a skydiving clinical psychologist. Have a few ideas.

Firstly, ask her what she is afraid of. At least then you can help her to think rationally about it. Skydiving is pretty safe when compared to other sports that seem totally safe. I bet she wouldn't have a problem with you going skiing or horse riding, and statistically they are way more dangerous.

Secondly, one thing that will enable her to feel less anxious is knowledge, so the advice of some of the people here is good advice - take her to the DZ for observation only. I wouldn't advise getting her on a tandem. Not every one enjoys it, and if she's one of the ones that doesn't then you might just reinforce her fear.

There are always plenty of non-jumping partners and spouse's that will talk with her. Help her to feel part of a community rather than an outsider. My experience of most skydiving communities (except for a bunch of wankers in Australia!) is that they are very supportive, laid back and sensible.

Thirdly, and this is a basic principle of human leanring, the more you do it, the easier it should get for her, as long as she's not in denial. Its like anything that we're afraid of, the more we do it the easier it gets. Like, imagine the scariest film you ever saw. First time you're hiding behind the couch. If you saw the same one 4 times a day every day for 8 weeks, it would lose its ability to cause fear. Same as if your wife went to the DZ and watched you jump 4 times a day for 8 weeks. Eventually, the situation would lose its ability to frighten her.

Good luck. And if you or your wife want to e-mail me then that's fine.***Die with your boots on.

[mr2mk1g 10]

How about teaching her to pack. Just borrow a rig, take it home and lay it out. Now go through a full packing lesson with her. Dont just say "now we count the cells" etc... tell her why you do each thing, and why each thing you do means you are eliminating a possible malfunction. Tell her about each malfunction and what causes them. Then (and this is the very important bit) tell her about how each malfunction is avoided by doing X Y or Z.

You'll probably want to tailor this to your wife... only you know her. Telling her about mals may only make her worse. I have had gf's in the past on whom logic works wonders. The above is a way of tackling her fear through logic. On other gf's logic is quite simply lost, and trying to work through a problem would simply make it worse. You know your wife, we dont.

[tombuch 0]

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I bet she wouldn't have a problem with you going skiing or horse riding, and statistically they are way more dangerous.

That's just not true.

I've done the research and addressed this question about a thousand times. It bugs me when skydivers insist the sport is safe...It's not.

Here are some quick numbers from the National Ski Area Association (NSAA): Domestic skiing and snowboarding had 45 fatalities in 2001 with 10.7 million participants. That's 4.21 fatalities per million participants, or roughly .83 fatalities per million days of participation.

USPA estimates that about 300,000 people make at least one skydive in the USA each year and we average about 32 fatalities. That's 1 fatality for every 9,375 participants, or 106.66 fatalities per million participants.

There are only about 34,000 USPA members, and not all are active, so most jumpers are tandem, yet tandem fatalities are very rare, and in fact, only 14-16 percent of fatalities are students of any kind. If we strike 5 fatalities from the total (that's roughly 15 percent) we are left with 27 deaths among the 34,000 USPA members who are presumably all experienced jumpers. That's one fatality per 1,259 member jumpers, or 794 fatalities per million members.

If we go back to the 300,000 participants and assume that each jumps on 10 different days as an average (tandem and experienced, it's just a round number guess and it's probably high), then we have 3 million jumper days per year. The 32 fatalities represent one death for every 93,750 days of participation, or 10.66 fatalities per million days of jumper participation.

Each jumper has control over many factors that impact fatalitiy rates, as does every skier and snowborder. Yet, the numbers show clearly that skydiving isn't even close to skiing/snowboarding safety.

Tom Buchanan
USPA Instructor (AFF, SL, IAD, Tandem)
Snowboard Instructor (AASI)
Author JUMP! Skydiving Made Fun and Easy

Tom Buchanan
Instructor Emeritus
Comm Pilot MSEL,G
Author: JUMP! Skydiving Made Fun and Easy

[testpilot 0]

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That's just not true.

Dude skydiving is as safe as the skydiver on the skydiver. Statistically you will find that the same idiots who get killed in motor vehicle accidents would be killed if they where skydiving.

Dave
D830
http://www.skydiving.co.za

[Newbie 0]

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That's just not true.

Dude skydiving is as safe as the skydiver on the skydiver. Statistically you will find that the same idiots who get killed in motor vehicle accidents would be killed if they where skydiving.

why is it then i see incident reports that end "x was a very experienced, cautious jumper, who was extremely safety conscious"?

I really don't like to read incidents when they say things like that. I would like to believe it's the non safety conscious people who are the one's that kill themselves, but i know it's all too often the complete opposite.

"Skydiving is a door"
Happythoughts

[cindee 0]

And "safety" is not just about fatality numbers. I've done a lot of skiing and even some horseback riding and was never injured doing those things. I am however still recovering from a skydiving injury from 4 months ago.

__________________________________________________
"If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow, why oh why can't I?"

[tombuch 0]

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That's just not true.

Dude skydiving is as safe as the skydiver on the skydiver. Statistically you will find that the same idiots who get killed in motor vehicle accidents would be killed if they where skydiving.

That's true of skydiving as well as SCUBA diving, bike riding, skiing, snowboarding, driving, etc. Within each activity there are risk takers, and those are the people who are most likely to get hurt or killed. We DO have some control over the risk we are exposed to, but in every sport or activity there is a margin of uncontrolled risk too.

If we look at WHO gets hurt and killed we will see a pattern. In skiing/snowboarding it is generally a male between 15 and 30, and generally a mid-experienced rider pushing his own limits. I think we see the same pattern in skydiving and in just about every sport.

When we compare sports we see the same distribution of injuries/fatalities, and in each case the dead guy had some control over the outcome. You can say that you are an experienced skydiver and thus "it" won't happen to you, but experienced skiers and snowboarders are saying exactly the same thing. Death happens to skydivers with much greater frequency than to skiers or in just about any other activity.

I stand by my position that skydiving as a sport is MUCH more dangerous than skiing/snowbording, and many other high risk activities, and to say otherwise is a denial of the facts.

Tom Buchanan
USPA Instructor (AFF, SL, IAD, Tandem)
USPA Safety and Training Advisor
FAA Senior Parachute Rigger
FAA Commercial Pilot
AASI Snowboard Instructor
Author JUMP! Skydiving Made Fun and Easy

Tom Buchanan
Instructor Emeritus
Comm Pilot MSEL,G
Author: JUMP! Skydiving Made Fun and Easy