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VanillaSkyGirl

I have my "A"!!! What a difference a Dropzone can make...

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This is my first time posting (BEER!) after lurking due to shyness. I wanted to share my experiences with other skydivers, instead of only with my whuffo friends and family (whom I love anyway :P). Yesterday, I completed 20 jumps, and I passed all my requirements for my "A" license! B| I am sooo proud as I tend to be hard on myself and my skills.
Like many new jumpers, I have had a hard time with the mental part of skydiving. I have had many episodes on the plane ride to altitude when I mentally told myself that if I survived this jump that this would be my last time as there was just no rational reason for doing this to myself, to my pocket book and to those that love me. It always revolved around my anxiety of having to "perform" for the instructor. The fear of not having the proper skills and the lack of confidence of possessing the proper judgment to jump safely were other obstacles of confidence that I had to overcome. Of course, once out the door, an inner peace and freedom always rushed back to greet me on the other side. What I mistakenly thought was surely death reaching out to yank me out of the sky was in reality life in its most affirming form. It is where the busy, superficial world as I know it stops, and my luring dance with the harsh realities of the violence of our earths elements begin. I have to say that I now feel that the elements are not dominant, but an aid to my physical desires. (I am ready to tango wind, come and embrace me once again.)
Each jump is truly a humbling experience that has made me respect the earth and myself on a higher level. For someone that is as analytical (almost obsessive, at times) as I can be, I am at peace knowing that each time that I jump, I have to "give in" to living only within the moment.
One of the most heavily impacting feelings that I experience when jumping is one of my soul, body and mind "giving in" to an undeniable emotional, mental and physical freedom, while simultaneously realizing that I still have control over my fate within the skydive...and within my life. It is the feeling of wonder at the sight of what a beautiful, celestial horizon looks like while shooting your body across towards the endlessness of its circumference. It is just...heavenly and so miraculous a vision to behold the swirling colors of light and beauty dangling before our eyes.
Thinking back to the first time that I jumped (AFF 1), I always well up with tears at the remembrance of the emotions that poured out of me for weeks afterwards. I was like a pinata bursting open, and I was able to claim revelations of feelings that I had about life, work and relationships that I never knew existed inside of me. I was in shock for a few days afterwards, but then the dam broke, and I cried easily and heavily after that for silly reasons that existed in my life as I knew it. Then, the fog lifted from my eyes and from my heart, and certain things in my life seemed so clear. The wind seemed to be whispering in my ear that anything is possible. Life has endless possibilities.
I almost stopped jumping at my 17th jump (a few weeks ago). I had strange experiences that left me feeling so low at a large, well-known dropzone that I had gone to after my old one had closed down. I >:( was made to feel (by a certain "skygod" instructor at the larger dropzone) that I had no business jumping at his dropzone, after being trained in a non-USPA dropzone. (However, I silently forgive him as he probably didn't mean to hurt me so deeply with his judgments/words.) I was in tears questioning my skills and not-jumping for weeks, but the reality is that there were no issues with my skills. I just had 2 (out of 3) not-too-great, rushed skydives at this new dropzone that I have to chalk up to nervousness at being made to feel that my skills could not be too good (before we even went up) and to being away from home/supportive jumpers. I have had many prior experiences (cutaway, landing out, etc.) that I had handled very well and which had not made me emotional or upset. Anyway, as I stated previously, I am so hard on myself that I need support from others, especially my instructors. Walking in by myself to a huge, new dropzone filled with skygods as a small, shy, not too confident (I'm working on this) woman is extremely difficult to do. I am so glad that I decided to go to a third dropzone. It is the best of both worlds as it is a more laid-back, welcoming dropzone, but also USPA-recognized with experienced, talented staff.
Yesterday, I went in at almost 2 p.m. thinking that I may jump once, and with no expectations. This may have been my last jump ever if I didn't feel that I enjoyed it anymore. I met my instructor, and we quickly reviewed and went up on loads 6, 7,and 9 (last load). He was so supportive and made me feel that I did a great job every time. My skydives with him were so much fun, and my landings were so well-done that my confidence in my abilities is now where it should be. I passed all my requirements, finished my 20th jump and received my stamp for my "A" license.
I woke up this morning with a huge smile on my face. It is the first thing that I thought of, and the last when I finally went to sleep at 3 a.m.
I owe so much to this new dropzone (Elsinore) and to my instructor (Mauro a.k.a.Yoyo). :) I hope to call this new place my home dropzone. I can't wait to go back. However, I still have unfinished business.
I know that someday, I will want to be able to feel comfortable jumping (every now and then) at the larger dropzone where I had felt uncomfortable and unsure of myself. :| I just feel that I am not mentally there, yet. It's OK. ;) I'm going to take it one step at a time..

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great post! I know exactly what you are talking about. This may be a great chance to remind people with high jump numbers that students are oftentimes very self conscious of their skills in the air and should be treated with a little more care than seasoned jumpers. I know this, because I am a lowly student!

---------------------------------------------
let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

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Congrats on your "A" and your story was a very interesting read (Michelle may have found someone to rival her stories). I don't like to hear you talk about certain jumps being your last jumps. But I'm glad you seem to be over that phase.

Good luck with your skydiving career. It only gets better from here as we constantly experience new things on virtually every jump and never stop learing. Also, I as well as I'm sure the DZ.COM community hope to see you at one of the up and coming boogies now that you have your "A".


Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

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A simply wonderful writing of your skydiving! How inspiring to me to have read them. You are able to write your feelings down very well.

Congratulations on your "A" and your accomplishment in becoming a skydiver.

I am going to print this one out so I can read it again and again to tell myself, I CAN DO IT!!

J


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Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

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Thank you, CrazyIvan, Rendezvous, Andy2, CanuckINUSA, Hooked, Casch and everyone else that enjoyed reading this story! I have enjoyed and learned so much from reading all of your threads/posts for a while now. I truly thank you for your support. Yes, I feel that our skydiving instructors can truly impact our lives in ways that they may not be aware of, so I hope that they can remember what it was like to be nervous and new in a not-so-gentle environment. What a compliment to mention me in the same sentence as Michelle as she truly has a gift with words! I wish you all the best weekend, and i hope to meet you all one day. (Sorry, I only put 1/2 of my pic up as I am self-conscious.) However, today, I am being bold and participating in the forums! This is a big week for me. I have confronted two fears! :)

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Congrats on getting through it. Now the real fun starts. :)
So, you have that A license and you've joined the ranks of dz.com post whores... now just be sure to join us at that "other" dz Memorial Day weekend.:ph34r: It's all about fun so no worries that you don't have a lot of jumps; I know you won't have a problem finding someone to go up and play with. Find me out there and I'll be glad to go do a 2 way with ya. B|

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Hee, hee...:$ I knew that you'd figure it out, Bytch. However, since you are one of my favorites DZ.commers (shhh...don't tell the others), I was hoping that you would understand my experience at the "other" DZ. I know that it is a well-loved home to many. Anyway, I would love to do a 2-way there with you soon. I just have to slowly work my way up to it mentally. Thanks for the support, girl! :)

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I was hoping that you would understand my experience at the "other" DZ.


Oh, absolutely. I doubt I'd have been able to do my student jumps at such a large and intimidating dropzone. Heh... first times I showed up at both Perris and Elsinore I had several hundred jumps but didn't jump once at either one - just kinda looked around at all the gods and goddesses, got majorly intimidated, then got back in my car and went away...

You're way ahead of most people now; you post here so you have friends to jump with at just about every dz in the world. B|

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You can do it "Hooked" and "Andy2"! I am sending my positive, loving thoughts and will be excited to hear about you two also getting your "A"'s. :)




Thanks, it's not necessarily the 'fear' anymore but a finance issue now:(.

J


--------------------------------------
Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

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Heh... first times I showed up at both Perris and Elsinore I had several hundred jumps but didn't jump once at either one - just kinda looked around at all the gods and goddesses, got majorly intimidated, then got back in my car and went away...

LMFAO!!! :D You are too cool, Bytch! Thanks for sharing that with us all. You really made my day. I love it!

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Congrats on the A. Moving to new dropzones can be very intimidating for people with tons of jumps, let alone people who are still working on their first license. Don't feel bad about being uneasy.
Damn I really miss Elsinore. The vibe there is the best. My wife doesn't even jump and she misses Elsinore because everyone is so nice there.
Be sure to get a jump in with Viking. Your story is pretty similar to his. He is really just coming out of his shell as well.
Welcome to the boards and the skies!!!!!

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[QUOTE]it's not necessarily the 'fear' anymore but a finance issue now[/QUOTE]

me and you both, girl. It hurts the pocket book a bit too much, sometimes. Oh, but it's worth itB|


---------------------------------------------
let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

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Well I might not be driving to Elsinore after all tomorrow. It's such a long drive just to get a buzz. I can just sit here and drink if I wanted to do that. Besides, I think I would get depressed leaving the DZ with a grand total of 0 jumps for the day. Unless I have a reason better than drinking I will be staying home on Saturday. :(

I will be jumping at Zhills on May 15th so unfortunately I will miss you again on that day. There are plenty of cool people there to show you around though. Another time yes? ;)




-Kenny

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Could VanillaSkyGirl be on her way to becoming a post-whore? Time will tell ...

Gosh, it's quite possible that I could go from post-virgin to whore overnight. I was not kidding about that obsessive comment about myself. I hope that this posting doesn't prevent me from going to my interviews. :o I do not want to drop out of life and become an avatar. It's truly hard to tear myself away, though. I have tried before when I was a lurker, but the sweet promises of reading sassy comebacks between regulars or seeing NSWF pics (and comments on NSFW pics) :o kept me coming back for more. I need to just turn off my computer...
OK, here it goes...
OK, once more...
No, really, this time, it's for real...
:S:o:|

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Well I might not be driving to Elsinore after all tomorrow. It's such a long drive just to get a buzz.
I hear ya, buddy! that sounds like a wise decision. I probably will not go tomorrow, either, but I am sure that we will jump someday soon! Sunday, I may still go there if all is well with Mother Nature. Anyway, thank you again for the offer.~:)I just realized that I may be super anxious when meeting new people from here. Please don't expect too much in the air (or on the ground) :S from me, as I am hoping not to disappoint anyone... Have fun this weekend, all!

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What a compliment to mention me in the same sentence as Michelle as she truly has a gift with words


How sweet are you? You write beautifully, and thanks for having the courage to write out your experience. I've seen you lurking, and wondered if we'd ever hear from you! So glad we did!

Hey everyone...there's no competition, none at all! Zero. Zip! Zilch, nada!

Vanilla - if you're out tomorrow, find me - yes, I know it's gonna rain, but still...there will be people there. I would adore sitting and chatting...and Yoyo is such a sweetheart, isn't he? Come on by tomorrow, girl! I'd adore meeting you!

Ciels-
Michele


~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

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