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shaiziel

What's it like to be a parent and skydiver?

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Keeping it in the context of a parent who is married with kids who aren't able to support themselves.

I was just thinking about this last week. You have people that leave the sport for a while and come back when their only child is old enough to be self-sufficient, and then you have people with multiple kids under 16 who don't really give up the sport throughout.

And in both you have either one jumper parent or both jumper parents.

So for the people that fall in to the category of parent of child under 18, it seems inevitable that you had to have at least some discussion with your spouse about continuing in the ways of skydiving.

I'm really just looking for your summary of the things I am almost certain you have to deal with. :)
EDIT: AND... do you consciously take a more conservative approach (less relative risk) to your skydiving?
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6.8% - Almost there!

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it seems inevitable that you had to have at least some discussion with your spouse about continuing in the ways of skydiving.



Yup. We had the discussion. I met her when I'd been jumping about 5 years (500 jumps) and was in a competition team. She "loved who I was and never wanted to change me."

2 years later I had 1000 dives and we were in the US together while I did AFF and Tandem full time.

1 year later I had 1500 dives and we were married.

2 years later I went to the world meet. Our daughter was 9 months old.

I got back to "No more world meets." It was an ultimatum. No negotiation. We were divorced before the next world meet.

It's been 10 years since we got divorced. I now have 4900 dives and have been averaging 200+ dives a year as a weekend only skydiver.
That's over 4 dives a weekend, every weekend, for 21 years, regardless of injury, weather, money, broken planes etc.

I don't think I'm going to stop. Anyone who expects me to stop is wrong.

After reading the post below - I also have insurance for both life and disability, as well as good medical insurance. If I go in - at least the financial aspects are covered.

t
It's the year of the Pig.

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Of course no one likes to think anything bad will happen to them, it's still important to think about.

As far as the financial issues, I have two insurance policies on myself, money in the bank and retirement accounts, and no debt except a small mortgage.

For everyday support, my wife's parents are retired and help with our son right now. My parents are retired and are waiting for a new house to be build near us to move down. They all love my wife and son, and our parents have been close friends since they all went to college together 40 years ago.

My biggest worry here is hurting myself really bad (i.e. vegetable, paralyzed, etc.), but otherwise I feel pretty comfortable that my family would be taken care of.

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I got back to "No more world meets." It was an ultimatum. No negotiation. We were divorced before the next world meet.



Yep. Ultimatums and relationships don't go well together, so she was foolish to give one.

I had 500 jumps early in life before I met my wife (I wasn't actively jumping anymore), and I started back up last year. Her biggest concern is the time it takes, so I compromise by only jumping two days a month. I also try to give her equal time to do what she wants.

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I don't think anyone can tell YOU what to do. It is a very personal decision. I went bask and forth on wether I was going to keep jumping when my daughter was born. Yes you will have to discuss it with your wife if you want to keep her around. I decided to continue and have kept jumping for the 5 years that I have had kids. I jump much less than I did before the kids but that is fine with me. I see on your profile that you are new to the sport. I don't think I would have continued jumping if I had just entered the sport (I had 1500+ jumps and 8 years at the time.) Also Know that even if your wife argrees for you to keep jumping she may change her mind if you have to attend a funeral. Good luck.

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I am also new to the sport...just completed my tandem level 4 jump and am on the way to a slow (but sure) progression to obtain my "A" license. I have 2 boys under the age of 3, and didn't start jumping until a year ago (when the boys were 5 months old and a 2 years old). My first jump was supposed to be my only one, just for fun, went with a group, etc. But, I loved it so much that I can't stop. My husband actually bought my first jump as a birthday present for me, and then he bought me 3 more jumps at Christmas. He didn't think I would use them all in a matter of 3 months. I'm trying to stay current - within 30 days of each jump - so I can progress to get my license. My husband did not know this was my plan. Since then, we have gone through the various discussions, I mean, arguments...about him telling me that I could not go past the tandem level 5 (because jump 6 would be my first AFF). Being the stubborn person that I am, I did not give in, because skydiving is important for me. I am a stay at home mom, who relishes the Saturdays that I can go jump and release some of my stress and not have a care in the world (except my parachute)! This past Saturday, I had a little bit of an emergency with my main chute (keep in mind this is still a tandem jump for me). We ended up riding our reserve down, with no other complications. The whole way down, I was thinking (instead of "thank God I'm alive") "oh my goodness, what am I going to tell my husband?" I decided to be honest and tell him what happened - he was OK with it, and it ends up that after a discussion (rather than an argument this time) he is going to be supportive of me getting my "A" license.

I know there are risks, I am not going to put myself in a situation where I multiply the risk of skydiving by performing maneuvers that I shouldn't. I am a Christian, and feel that God has put me here and He knows my plan. If it is my time to go, then so be it. I might as well enjoy my God-given life while I am on this Earth. I love my kids, and they mean the world to me. If I have something happen in the future during my jumps that makes me feel that it is just too risky, I will give it up. But, for now, this is my only release, and I love it. I truly believe that we are all our own person, and that nobody can tell you what to do. But, because of the nature of the sport, it does take support from your spouse/family. I can see how skydiving can break up marriages. If you have 2 stubborn people, it can happen that easily. I think it takes a lot of education on the part of the spouse that is not into skydiving, for them to understand the safety aspects of the sport, rather than looking only at the danger side of it. Good luck, and blue skies!
Christie

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Just to clarify, I'm not asking around for my own personal situation (Hell I don't even have an SO), I was just kinda curious about the interactions that go down between skydiving spouses and whuffo spouses. Or even between two skydiving spouses. Just didn't want anyone thinking I was seeking advice for my own application :D
----------------------------------------
6.8% - Almost there!

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I started jumping over 5 years ago with one wife, two kids, one starting college, the other HS, a house,
two cars etc. Now 800 jumps later, after one nasty broken leg, I still have the same wife, house, cars & kids.

I think I lucked out big time.

Base jumping, now that's a whole other matter.;)
L.A.S.T. #24
Co-Founder Biscuit Brothers Freefly Team
Electric Toaster #3
Co-Founder Team Non Sequitor
Co-Founder Team Happy Sock

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I have a child of 5, and a whuffo husband. But he's been around aviation a while - was a military jumper, did paragliding for 8 years, done some of his pilot's licence, and he is very supportive of me in the sport (even after I broke both ankles:S). There is some negotiation around time - i don't spend all weekend every weekend at the DZ, and he takes care of our daughter when I jump, and sometimes they come along to the DZ but most times they don't - cos DZs tend to get boring for small kids after a long day.

Re the other part of your question, yes I do think having a child makes me more risk averse. Which is not to say that shit doesn't happen. And so of course, the insurance is sorted out.
Skydiving: wasting fossil fuels just for fun.

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I feel like a big wimp because I just found out I'm pregnant and now I'm too tired and nauseous to jump. Plus, my whuffo sweetie doesn't think it would be a good idea, 'cause if I went splat, the baby would go splat. :( I couldn't live with the guilt if that happened.

As far as after the baby is born, I have no idea how I'll feel. I've always been a fairly conservative jumper (no hook turns, 150 sq. ft. canopy), so if I went back it wouldn't be like I was doing anything differently. I guess we'll find out next year. :)

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I couldn't live with the guilt if that happened.



I can see where you might be inclined to believe that! :D Seriously though. It will be interesting I'm sure to see how things go for you. Wish ya the best!
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6.8% - Almost there!

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I have been married for 14 years and have a child who is about to turn 6. I just started skydiving last year, and it was a step that I took after a lot of thinking and discussion with my wife. She has tried it, but doesn't care for it. She likes that I have something that is just for me that I am passionate about. (She is a runner and that's her thing.)

My wife gets a little nervous sometimes but has stated that "if you die, I could at least take some small comfort that you died doing something you love." She understands that there are no guarantees and I could die tomorrow driving to work. I have enough life insurance that it would wipe out all of our debt and have a pretty good chunk left over. With social security they would be in a better place financially than we are now. (Obviously money isn't everything, but an important consideration for me.)

I try not to be gone from home too much and only get down to the DZ about twice a month. I love it, but I love being a dad too, and he will only be my little boy for a short while. I don't want to miss it.

When I go, I always make sure that I tell my family that I love them and try to leave things in such a way that if I never returned then there would be nothing left unsaid and nothing to regret. Skydiving has taught me a lot in this respect, and it's not a bad way to live when you consider each day might be your last. It keeps me from taking things for granted.

_________________________________________
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

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Downside:
If I had come back to skydiving while I was married I would never have heard the end of the snide remarks and bitchin' and moanin' from her.
Upside:
It would have caused her to bitch and moan about something different.

Downside:
I didn't come back until after the divorce.
Upside:
I got divorced and came back.

Downside:
My son is too young to jump.
Upside:
It really pissed her off when I took him to the tunnel and let him discover flying and now he wants to jump with Dad when he gets old enough.

Downside:
She always thought I was crazy.
Upside:
She was right.

:D:D
My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

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***im suprised you havent responded to this post yet kath

__________________________________________________

I'm a little slow these days - too much going on.


I didn't start jumping until I'd been married for 10 years and already had my two boys. After my first tandem, I knew this is what I was supposed to do. Skydiving has brought so much to every aspect of my life, and I'm so glad I didn't wait.

It was really important to me that my boys have ALL of me, and they didn't before I started jumping. There's more to being a parent than just being there physically. I've made the necessary preparations should something go really wrong (life and accident insurance), and I don't spend every weekend at the dz. Plus I'm a full-time mom, so they have the great majority of my time. They came out and watched me last weekend, and my oldest thought it was so cool to see the formation from the ground (sunset load). He loved the fireworks affect at break-off.

It's also important when kids grow up for us to have a life of our own. Not just for our benefit, but theirs as well. When I grew up and got married, it was hard for me because Mom didn't have that special thing that was all hers. I don't want my kids to go through that when it's their time to split.
Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

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I started skydiving 17 years ago when I was single. A few years later, I got married and soon we had a child. I then decided to take a break in order to dedicate my spare time and finances to my wife and child. The break lasted for 10 years. My wife never said I wish you quit or whatever. I was my decision to take a break. I really wanted to dedicate my life to be a hubby and dad. I have had no regrets of having made that choice.
When I decided to resume jumping, the first thing I did was to get insurance coverage so they would not have to deal with the financial burden that could result in case of accident or death.
Also of an important note was to discuss it with my wife, as she is not a jumper. They have always come first and always will. Skydiving is not my top priority, they are. I am very lucky that she is very supportive. Therefore I make sure that there is a fair balance in my free time. It implies that I am not at the DZ all Sats and Sundays. Just most Saturdays only. The rest of the free time I spend it with them.

As far as taking a more conservative approach, yes definitely.

In the end, it's very specific to each individual/couple. What works for some does not for others.

JM

Hispas Brothers President
HISPA #2,

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I could probably copy and quote many who have replied here and say yep, me too, but all in all I've gotta say my wife is a Saint for supporting me through the years of me going through student training. I finally finished! We've been married 13 years and have three girls, 11,9, & 4 yrs. We've endured many highs and lows.. health problems, career changes, moving, you know....LIFE.... and luckily my wife, family and friends all get that skydiving, for me anyways, is all about living life....because I've pounded it in to their heads of course! I think I'm gonna get shot if I make another life/skydiving analogy lesson at my house. Anyway the financial strain was stress enough not to mention the "danger factor" that my wife to this day can't quite get over.

We have only three guidelines for my skydiving.

1. Skydiving will be financed by my sidework. No Family Money.
2. Family First, Then Skydiving.
3. Come Home Safe.

Of course I get a little conservative criticizm....you know..."He's got no buisness doing what he's doing with a wife and three girls at home, what if something happened!?" Yea what if.... I'm sure we've all been stereotyped one time or another as adrenaline junkies or risk takers, when really for me, it couldn't be further from the truth. God forbid (and I ask Him every jump) something happens injury or otherwise, my family is well taken care of, well at least monetarily. Mentaly, they all know that I skydive to live life not to cheat death. If something were to happen it was meant to be. They know I'm not practicing reckless abandon.
Skydiving has had a profound affect on my outlook of life. I cant really explain how it happened, much less to those who dont jump. The more I jump the more some things don't mean much like they used to. Other things mean way, way more. But we still try to explain it don't we, because of the passion that it stirs in our hearts when we jump. I actually sometimes feel guilty for the stimulation I get from a good skydive. I wish my wife knew what I felt. She just knows I love jumping and supports me despite her own reservations. How lucky am I...... and yep, one of the three girls wants to jump with her dad Right NOW! She's very bummed she's gotta wait another nine years. She may change her mind, it'll be her choice.
Once again, great topic guys!


******Today is one day too late.********

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I try not to be gone from home too much and only get down to the DZ about twice a month. I love it, but I love being a dad too, and he will only be my little boy for a short while. I don't want to miss it.

When I go, I always make sure that I tell my family that I love them and try to leave things in such a way that if I never returned then there would be nothing left unsaid and nothing to regret. Skydiving has taught me a lot in this respect, and it's not a bad way to live when you consider each day might be your last. It keeps me from taking things for granted.



Both of those paragraphs...very well said.
Skydiving: wasting fossil fuels just for fun.

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I am glad that I stumbled on to this thread because I am currently in this situation. I recently made my first tandem jump last week on my 40th, and I must say that it was the most fun ever. My wife of 18 years does not like the idea of me jumping again, but my kids are now 18 & 22. My son only has two tri-mesters left before he graduates from Oregon State with his engineering degree, and my daughter just graduated from high school. Man these kids are quite expensive when they get older!
:o

I am a very conservative person that never takes unnecessary risks.
I do not want to be 80 years old and say man I really wish I would have done this or that in life. I have already regretted not continuing my education, and I am currently not happy with my career path. I started my family when I was very young, and have worked my tail off to help give them all the tools is life to be happy & successful. You only live once and I believe that one needs to live life to the fullest.

My family is currently back east (NJ) visiting family, and the skydiving conversation will come up again when they return. I really want to move forward with AFF, and then on to getting my A license. We will see how this goes. Wish me luck!!:ph34r:

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I hope you're able to pursue your happiness without too much of a battle at home. Maybe you can get your wife to go hang out with you at the DZ for an afternoon.

Don't plan on jumping that day, just hang out with her, introduce her to people, and let her see what it's all about? Maybe she'll be more open to it once she sees the "brotherhood" aspect of it.

Good luck and don't give up. If it's truly important to you, she'll learn to deal with it I bet. Especially if you include her in it as much as possible. :)

Kim
Watch as I attempt, with no slight of hand, to apply logic and reason.

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Anyone a parent, a skydiver, and a child who has become a skydiver as a result of watching the parent?
My daughter completed her AFF today. It's an emotional struggle watching her jump out of the same aircraft. She's my only child.

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My wife and I both jump, married 22 years (yeah!). We have 4 kids, ages 17 down to 12. We have life insurance policies (with no skydiving exclusions, make sure you check that out, folks), money in investments, and next of kin, blah blah. If the worst were to happen, the kids would be alright.

The real saving grace has been jumping at a kid-friendly DZ, with lots of other parent jumpers. Lots of folks to keep an eye on the toddlers during those early years. Now we do the same for other parents.:)

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For all of you who have taken care of your families via sufficient insurance and people to take care of your kids in case something happens - I admire you.

But ---

we all want the best for our kids and the best is the real mother and father, not grand parents or relatives or paid help or a large sum of insurance money. This was my issue, so I started so late in my life. In fact I needed to feel totally redundant as a parent (not nice).

One of my kids is also a skydiver. I decided no to think of anything bad happening to him so I am good with this.

But I still worry what would become of my dog and my cat if I have an accident.

The bottom line: my hat down to all skydiving parents. You are doing something that I could not.

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