ryan_d_sucks 0 #1 December 21, 2006 So, Christmas is rolling around, and I've moved back home for the semester's break. I've asked for some skydive related things for Christmas, because they're pretty hard to afford while in college. However, when I make these requests it generally starts my mother off on these rants about : "You're my only son, and the thought of you jumping out of airplanes just makes nasueas... I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to you" "No, I will not support this (monetarily/emotionally/etc). Obviously there is no malice in this statement, this is just her way of protecting her son, but its a major pain in the ass. I was hoping to get FJC and S/L jump #1 for Christmas, and finance the rest my self. but that doesn't look like it will happen. Apart from the primal dislike of her son throwing himself out of a plane, I feel like her ill-feelings toward skydiving as a whole come somewhat from a deficit in knowledge about skydiving. Meaning she doesn't know much about: training, safety, FAA regulations, USPA standards, USPA ratings, statistical analysis, and other things, but rather *hears about* all the of bounces, plane crashes, and almost-malfunctions from MAX X type shows. Educating her on those things seems an impossible task, as she works in a healthcadre field where she sees trauma that doesn't 'make it' , and also holds very steadfast opinions on things. Life lectures from her 20 year-old son can often be dismissed as juvenile or naive. Do many of you have parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, brother, sisters, friends, etc that act this way? These types of people almost make me feel bad for jumping when I do, and wanting to when I am not. What are some strategies for dealing with this type of situation, whilst maintaning relationships? (Sorry for any flight of ideas, mis-spellings, or hard-to-follow points, I just got my wisdom teeth out and am on a bunch of Demerol) Ryan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MagicGuy 0 #2 December 21, 2006 It's normal for parents to be nervous. My mom is nervous about me skydiving, she's my mom. But after she learned a lot more about the sport, she actually started to be not so nervous. She knows I take all of the safety precautions that I can. Give it time. I wouldn't ask for skydiving related gifts just yet. Let them get used to it more and gradually try to educate them a bit about the points you mentioned. They may never support it, but they will come to realize that it's something that you are passionate about and that you're going to do it regardless of what they say. Good luck with it, I'm sure your parents will come around eventually. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GravityGirl 0 #3 December 21, 2006 Buy her a tandem for Christmas. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peace and Blue Skies! Bonnie ==>Gravity Gear! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jheadley 0 #4 December 21, 2006 Education is definitely the key to understanding, and that's true for anything. Try to educate them about the sport, safety, training, regulations, etc., but don't try any of the "skydiving is perfectly safe" BS. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jarrodh 0 #5 December 21, 2006 Oddly enough my family is very supportive of me skydiving and I two have asked for some skydiving gizmos for christmas while im home for winter break. Im sorry to hear that your mom is unwilling to listen to your explanations about the safety devices and strategies used to keep jumpers safe. You should take her to the DZ to sit in on your S/L training/jump and she will see what lengths skydivers go through to protect themselves and others. Let her look through the SIM and read other safety articles and explain to her about the low amount of fatalities every year and how many of those are caused by intentional hook turns under perfectly fine parachutes. Also explain to her about an AAD, RSL, Reserve Parachutes and the different ratings and licenses associated with skydiving. If after all of this she still cant stand the thought of you skydiving then theres no hope for her ever understanding the calculated risk and immense reward that skydiving brings to us all. I think your best bet is for her to go to the dropzone with you and watch you land and be around the other jumpers at your DZ. She will then see how most if not all DZ's have safety as the number one priority.2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
icevideot 0 #6 December 22, 2006 Have faith in the fact that it is very hard to maintain that level of intensity. My wife's parents hated her skydiving but gradually over about 2 years they relaxed a bit and now her dad has done 2 tandems. Her mom probably never will but she is okay with my wife jumping since she obviously enjoys it so much. As far as doing anything that would be contributing in such an early stage? I can't imagine that would have happened. Don't let this difference drive a wedge between you. They only want to do what is good for you and can probably only come to terms with it in their own time. Ask for stuff you can trade in for cash and then pay for your own jump."... this ain't a Nerf world." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
michalm21 0 #7 December 22, 2006 Hey Ryan. I am the only son (and kid) and my mother is exactly the same. Also, she is one of the types that knows it all and won't listen to anything contrary to her believes. You just have to learn to live with it. I know she will never support my skydiving, but whatever Just ignore and move on So yeah, not really an advice, but that's just me PS Contrary to what you may think, I love my parents. It doesn't mean I have to agree or listen to them anymore though Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chris-Ottawa 0 #8 December 22, 2006 Hey, Just wanted to share something with you. I started skydiving in May, funded in full by myself. I didn't expect my parents to contribute to any of it. My parents have become more accepting of it now that they know I've done it 55 times and nothing has happened. Now when I called my mom after my first mal, she questioned why I still want to do this, so I had some coercing to do. I still don't think she fully accepts it, but she understands how passionate I am for it and how much happier it makes me. Now, to my advice for your parents. I'm really surprised that no one has said this yet, but get her out to the DZ. Don't jump, just show her all the jumpers landing safely and how happy everyone is. She will get a sense of the adrenaline and understand why it is much more than an attempt at suicide. Which we all know it's is not. Anyways, that's my advice... I think that would be the best option. Chris"When once you have tasted flight..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #9 December 22, 2006 I was sort of lucky in the parent division. My brother started skydiving years ago (that's how I got interested in it). So my mom was already desensitized about it because of him. The only thing she does with me is she doesn't want to know when I'm jumping and whenever she calls me she starts off with, "Well, you're still alive." Here is a site that might help her realize that skydiving is actually alot safer than most people think. http://www.skydivecsc.com/skydive/skydiving_statistics.php Good luck with your mom. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 4 #10 December 22, 2006 I'm one of the lucky ones. My parents support me.. last year I got a bonehead, this year was gonna be a jumpsuit, but ended up being $300 for car even got my stepdad to do a tandem.. and wanting moreCLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Eule 0 #11 December 22, 2006 I don't what "the" answer is. This thread may be of interest, though. EulePLF does not stand for Please Land on Face. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_ru 0 #12 December 22, 2006 Very familiar situation. Some of my relatives just do not support my going skydiving. And I don't tell the other ones about it not to make them feel nervous. As regarding my mother, she is now more or less ok with it. But I had to promise her that I'll quit riding a bike instead and sell my Yamaha... So, maybe just tell them you're planning to do something even more adventurous and then gradually agree on skydiving? After all skydiving is not even in the Top 10 list of most dangerous sports. The other serious thing I'm thinking about is the death of two people, I was acquainted with, in car accidents during this year. Both were young and had nothing to do with extreme sports. One of them (together with his brother who was driving the car) crashed with a truck that was driving on the wrong side of the road. The other one (a girl aged 22) was waiting at the bus stop when a car crashed into it killing her and her grandmother. I think it really has something to do with fate… So skydiving is only one of many risks in our life and may be not the most serious one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chanti 0 #13 December 22, 2006 My mother hates that I skydive and she refuses to support me or even come out to the DZ. Earlier this year when I broke my femur, this only made matters worse. I used to be upset about this until recently when my fiance broke his leg during a demo jump ... and I caught myself saying:" well, if you weren't so reckless doing demo jumps ... " and then realised: Eek, I sound like my mother!!! So I can relate to that worried feeling that parents always seem to have and I now have a deal with my mother: We don't talk about skydiving. She prefers it that way. -Chanti- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stefd 0 #14 December 22, 2006 I told my mother one freezing cold January day that i was going down to my local DZ to throw myself from a perfectly good aircraft at 13000ft, she warned me to be careful because " the roads are icy " LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marks2065 0 #15 December 22, 2006 if your dz has a good tandem training program have her sit in on it - they will talk about how the sport has got very safe by showing the gear and explaining how it works - including the aad (this really helps) - if you dz just wants to sell a video in the class keep her out because these classes probably wouldn't help her - be patient my mom took a couple years to get comfortable about jumping but now she will watch the videos and she buys jumps for me for xmas now Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taikoen 0 #16 December 22, 2006 I caught my mom off guard when she asked what I wanted for my 18th birthday and immediately said "skydiving." She didn't understand, but it turns out that the only one that was really against it was my girlfriend. In fact, through some divorces, my mom rallied four of my "parents" together and we all took the FJC. She fainted in the door at altitude (falling inside the plane), but she did make an effort to get involved. My family's intensely curious, which I think is a part of why they understand to a certain point. However, I am not allowed, under ANY circumstances, to buy and/or ride on a motorcycle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #17 December 22, 2006 QuoteI caught my mom off guard when she asked what I wanted for my 18th birthday and immediately said "skydiving." She didn't understand, but it turns out that the only one that was really against it was my girlfriend. In fact, through some divorces, my mom rallied four of my "parents" together and we all took the FJC. She fainted in the door at altitude (falling inside the plane), but she did make an effort to get involved. My family's intensely curious, which I think is a part of why they understand to a certain point. However, I am not allowed, under ANY circumstances, to buy and/or ride on a motorcycle. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirrz 0 #18 December 22, 2006 QuoteI don't what "the" answer is. This thread may be of interest, though. Eule The thread linked was me. It's been a year since and I can tell you what did happen. I went out and got a job and funded it myself. I am one of those people who are never serious about anything, I pick up new things and quit them all the time and skydiving is the first thing I have ever taken my own initiative with and persisted at. My mom was just amused, my dad pretended it didn't happen. I brought home skydiving videos and my mom and sister would watch them but my dad would refuse and refused to acknowledge I did it. But he never actively opposed it. I would throw in skydiving stories sometimes when we chat but he would just not respond. 2 weeks ago, I was being inducted into a sports club and my dad was with me and we had to mingle with the committee members. Someone asked me if I played golf and after I said no, my dad said "you'll be amazed if you hear what sport she does play". I am still shocked at that. So I guess the parents came around and it is so much better this way than if I had lied about it and hidden it. Lesson learned - where there's a will, there's a way and your parents will always love you once they realize it truly makes you happy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Akey 0 #19 December 23, 2006 I posted a thread a while back with the problem of my parents HATING the idea of me jumping. I mean, sit down, long talks asessing my sanity, the whole thing. I ended up learning in my gap year so i funded it myself, but i still had several herdles to climb. I ended up talking through a load of safety features of a rig, misconceptions etc. (just to get them to sit down to listen about it was hard work enough) and in the end they still hated it. Nevertheless they have learnt to accept it as something i do and do not hound me for it any more. This said, i would never ask them for any skydiving related gift. Most importantly because i don't think it is fair, as if they did, and i went in, they could well feel some guilt over it, something i would never wish apon them. However this is just my opinion and do not condone them in any way. As for money, well, you could always get a job working as little as one evening a week, i reakon in a couple of months if that you would have enough for a FJC. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryan188 0 #20 December 24, 2006 i am also an only child, and when i made my first reservation for a tandem jump, my mother was not able to sleep for like a week be for i went, and of couse my grandmother (i live with my grandmother, and mother), sits and watches the news every damn day, and sees that skydive relative things are happening on the news , crashes, tandem accidents,etc.etc, so shes on my back now, saying im crazy, and why cant i just be a normal 20 year old and hang with friends, so it is very frustrating , i have done 3 tandems so far, and every one they get nervous about, and i will be starting AFF in the spring time, and even now my mom is worried about me doing that! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeG 0 #21 December 24, 2006 My parents were used to my shinanigans and actually thought this sounds safer than a lot of my previous umm pasttimes. My mom does call me on Saturday evenings to see if I've been jumping and to make sure I'm still ok _________________________________________ "Knowledge is Power!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riggerrob 613 #22 December 24, 2006 ... why cant i just be a normal 20 year old and hang with friends ... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Remind your mom that many 20-year-olds hang out with drug dealers and pimps and petty criminals. take unregulated drugs, street race, brawl, riot (really just brawling on a larger scale), have unprotected sex and break into other people's houses to amuse them selves. Tell your mom that skydiving is the lesser of the evils. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #23 December 24, 2006 This cartoon someone posted a couple years ago broke the ice with my mom...Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redwings 0 #24 December 24, 2006 LOL Thanks, FlyingJ, that made my day. I had to tell my parents about my skydiving when I broke my ankle earlier in the year. Before that, the craziest thing I've done is play ice hockey. Freaked them out, since they live so far away. But they saw how passionate I was about it, and how much knowledge there is to the sport. Plus, I took them to the DZ and introduced them to some of my instructors and fellow jumpers. They watched these two girls get ready for their jumps, which helped, too. Knowledge is power. Why don't you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we're doing here? I have a phobia for moobs. Thanks, youknowwhoyouare. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryan188 0 #25 December 24, 2006 Quote... why cant i just be a normal 20 year old and hang with friends ... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Remind your mom that many 20-year-olds hang out with drug dealers and pimps and petty criminals. take unregulated drugs, street race, brawl, riot (really just brawling on a larger scale), have unprotected sex and break into other people's houses to amuse them selves. Tell your mom that skydiving is the lesser of the evils. yea, well i got her a tandem gift card for x mas, so soon she will know what its all about!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites