convincing the parents

[ryan_d_sucks 0]

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That was my guess, too. I started jumping at age 18 when I was a college freshman. My dad hated it and threatened to cut me off. I never told my mom; and as for my dad, I just never mentioned it again. "Don't ask, don't tell" worked for us. Frankly, if he'd asked, I'd have told him I wasn't jumping and then just kept jumping behind his back.

You gotta do what you gotta do. But seeking the approval, or even understanding, of whuffo family members, is pointless - not just IMO, but based on my own experiences.

Just curious, as I am in the same type of finacnial situation (schooling, not jumping) as the OP, minus the hostile thoughts of the parents (more just a general dislike)... Who was your emergency contact during this time? I have thought long and hard about the 'going behind their back' type of thing, and because it is my money, I know they can't really complain. The only thing that sort of stalls me is the emergency contact. I wouldn't really trust that responsibility to any of my friends here at school. A call from the DZ to my unaware folks saying I'm fucked would be a really unpleaseant, unexpected surprise.. It almost seems better (although I wouldn't necessarily know anyhow) if they atleast knew it was a possibility, rather than have them blindsided by a call from the DZO. Maybe I should just be extra careful not to fuck up?

I don't want to spin this thread off into a whole different discussion, but was this ever an issue for you, and how did you approach it? I've got $180 in cash hidden in my apartment so I don't spend it, and I should be starting static line within the next two weeks.


Ryan

[jarrodh 0]

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hahaha true just saying "get the hell off my back, it's my life" would most likly work. but yes, seeing as they are paying for me to go to college out of respect for them I would at least like to get their blessing. I'm not looking to make them gung-ho about it or even for them to encourage it, I'm just looking for ways to help them better understand my point of view.

Why do they need to understand your point of view? They don't. The truth is: you still feel that you need them to understand your point of view. Actually what it really is, is that you want them to validate you, to say "it's ok that you do that". You may not realize it (yet), but that's really what's going on inside of your head. As long as you want (need) their "blessing", that gives them the ability to control you by depriving you of it for being a bad boy, or granting it to you for being a good boy. All people, if they are to truly grow up, need to get past the emotional baggage of that psychological threshhold with their parents. Once you realize that, and stop instinctively needing, and seeking, your parents' validation, it will be quite liberating, believe me.

And, in the meantime, if it means doing your own activities, like skydiving, without your parents knowing about it (if you can manage that), then that's what you have to do. Your parents may view that as "sneaking around behind their backs", but so what? Being an adult means your parents no longer define you; you define yourself. Adults don't owe a duty to keep their lives an open book to anyone (except maybe their spouses), including their parents. When you're 39, your parents aren't going to know every damn thing you do; and by that time, that will be normal both to you and to them. If you're truly an adult, even a young one, there's no reason why that process can't begin now.

I think we should give this guy some credit before we start making character judgements about approval and validation that he seems to desire from his parents.

So what if he wants to convince his parents that skydiving is a very fufilling activity that he enjoys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some of you guys that are jumping on him for being a pussy and not growing up, probably have forgotten something, he is in college but......HE STILL LIVES AT HOME WHEN NOT AT SCHOOL!!!!!

What if you guys had a girlfriend that kept nagging you about jumping and wasting money/time at the dropzone???.......youd dump her in a second. Well, when your a 19 year old college student you cant dump your family, therefore it is perfectly alright to seek some sort of approval from them that way when you are home and not at school your life wont be a living hell of nagging and bickering about something you love.

Dude, take your whole family as a group to the DZ one day, have a blast jumping/learning with them, and come back and tell us how much better they feel about the sport. Thats your best shot.

2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!!

[Andy9o8 0]

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Well there's always crystal meth.....

Oh my god! I retract all my posts - this is really what I meant to say!!



Very helpful, Tom. Thanks a lot.

[Andy9o8 0]

You're missing the essence of what I've been saying. So I don't have to keep repeating myself, please re-read my posts carefully, then pause and consider them carefully instead of just reacting to them. Then write me a 5-page essay; it will be 40% of your semester grade.

As for taking the parents out to the DZ, I've seen that done by very young adults many, many times in my years. I started jumping 30 years ago. I'm a father of older teenagers myself now. People who don't have kids of their own yet just can't fathom how much the fear/protect instinct in parents trumps everything else. In my experience - not just opinion, but experience - "taking the parents out to the DZ" as a strategy for making them less fearful about their child skydiving works, oh, maybe 20% of the time. The rest of the time...it doesn't. Plus, remember: shit happens in skydiving, even at the small, "family-friendly" DZ's; and of course you never know when. All it takes is one person to painfully femur while the parents are there to really make a swell impression on them.

[jarrodh 0]

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You're missing the essence of what I've been saying. So I don't have to keep repeating myself, please re-read my posts carefully, then pause and consider them carefully instead of just reacting to them. Then write me a 5-page essay; it will be 40% of your semester grade.

As for taking the parents out to the DZ, I've seen that done by very young adults many, many times in my years. I started jumping 30 years ago. I'm a father of older teenagers myself now. People who don't have kids of their own yet just can't fathom how much the fear/protect instinct in parents trumps everything else. In my experience - not just opinion, but experience - "taking the parents out to the DZ" as a strategy for making them less fearful about their child skydiving works, oh, maybe 20% of the time. The rest of the time...it doesn't. Plus, remember: shit happens in skydiving, even at the small, "family-friendly" DZ's; and of course you never know when. All it takes is one person to painfully femur while the parents are there to really make a swell impression on them.

So he should just give up and not try to show his family the greatness of skydiving?

Even If there is only a 20% chance that your family could be shown the truth then get them out to the dropzone anyway, its still better then alienating yourself from your loved ones by just giving up.

Personally I think your family can come around. Mine was very skeptical and suspiscious about me skydiving. I took them out to the dropzone and it made them feel better, not 100% better, but still better.

Andy908, I dont understand why you wouldnt even try to bring your parents around if/ when you were in this situation? Whats the point of blowing them off and being hostile with them when you can include them and make things easier on everyone? Its worth a shot.

Good Luck convincing the parents "IcarusneededAAD" but Im done with this thread now. Be Safe Everyone.

2 BITS....4 BITS....6 BITS....A DOLLAR!....ALL FOR THE GATORS....STAND UP AND HOLLER!!!!

[IcarusNeededAAD 0]

Thank you jarrodh, I think that that's most likly the best shot. I just now gotta convinc them to do it themselves... which will be interesting. Bay area skydive is only about 25 miles from their place so hopefully I can get them there over the summer or something. In them mean time I do have a job so maybe if I cut back on less important things like food or doing laundry I might be able to scrape up enough extra cash so I don't have to dip into savings. If anyone else has comments/opinions I'd still love to hear 'em.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!"

[pastramionrye7 0]

Sometimes it take a few years to get the parents to come around. I started when I was 18. I'm 21 now and I've been jumping for about two-and-a-half years. It took my dad over a year to come out to the drop zone, and my mom wouldn't come watch for two years. This past summer my dad chose to make a tandem jump because he finally got curious, and I got to come along (he still loves to show the video to family and friends). My parents hated the idea at first, but I live on my own, found my own way to pay for school, and I'm a big boy now, so I didn't have to worry about convincing them. Now if I could only get them to understand that I still have some years and a few thousand jumps to go before I actually know a thing or two about skydiving... I agree with everyone who said it might help to at least get your parents out to the drop zone or the tunnel. In my experience, some exposure to the sport helps the parents calm down a little (as long as no one gets hurt that day), even if they're not willing to learn all the ins and outs or try it for themselves. My mom still wants to know how high the parachute pulls me up when it opens. Best of luck puting the parents at ease.

[Flying_Penguin 0]

make.your.own.jump.money

don't.give.them.the.guilt.of.having.bought.your.bounce.

clean.the.dz.bathroom.without.saying.a.word-your.AFF.rates.will.drop.as.fast.as.a.brickshithouse

show.them.videos.of.beauty

(neednewkeyboard)

[Andy9o8 0]

You're still missing the essence of what I'm saying, and you still need to learn to reflect, rather than react.
It will come in time.

[Fast 0]

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Thank you jarrodh, I think that that's most likly the best shot. I just now gotta convinc them to do it themselves... which will be interesting. Bay area skydive is only about 25 miles from their place so hopefully I can get them there over the summer or something. In them mean time I do have a job so maybe if I cut back on less important things like food or doing laundry I might be able to scrape up enough extra cash so I don't have to dip into savings. If anyone else has comments/opinions I'd still love to hear 'em.

Yep, learn to pack for cash!

haha


That said, I moved out of my rent free room in my parent's house because I wanted to continue to skydive and was told that I wouldn't be allowed to do so while living at home. I don't regret that decision at all, not one bit. I could never have afforded to get where I am today as fast as I did w/o living at home for free. My mom didn't wise up to the idea of kicking me out till I was able to join the DZ staff, which is how I pay for my jumps now.

In the long run, skydiving as taught me a whole lot about life - and death.

~D
Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me.
Swooping is taking one last poke at the bear before escaping it's cave - davelepka

[wmw999 2,116]

Flying_Penguin's post is wonderful, because it's all true. Right now your parents are making an investment in you, in large part on your behalf. After you finish high school, you should kind of consider college to be an investment, and not your due.

So, treat yourself like someone being invested in. In other words, consider how skydiving will improve your life (not just your skydiving -- the two really aren't the same), and how you can use it to improve your likelihood of success. Then, when you've figured that out, you can invite them out to watch a jump (even someone else's), to see what it is you like about it. You'll have the information developed to have an intelligent conversation with them about it.

Make sure the DZ you take them to is likely to be actively nice to them without too obviously sucking up, and maybe even have some assurance that there's visiting time at the end of the day.

They want to be sure that you won't be posting here next year wondering if you should quit school for skydiving. Maybe you will be (the answer is generally "NO"), but right now they really don't want to know that. And while you don't NEED their approval, most family ties are well worth preserving in the long run. If your parents are paying for your schooling, then they probably care about you, and want the best for you.

Good luck. I was 20 when I started, and my son is in his 20's, so I've been at both ends of that stick. They can't control what you do, but sometimes you find that if you take their concerns into account and think them through, you'll end up with a better answer.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[FreeDiver 0]

I can see (some) of your parents concern. They know things you don't know yet. You're 19, probably living under the roof of your parents house, probably going to university. Most of your expenses are probably being covered by your parents.

When I was 19 I didn't realise how expensive life really is. Some day when you're 27 (like me ) you will want a house, a wife, kids, health insurance for your whole family, etc... and all of them are pretty expensive It sounds crazy but look around you, most people older than you have these things and so are you probably one day..

I know alot of people that have literally spent more than $50000 on skydiving equipment and jump tickets by the time they were 30. I know people that have literlally NOTHING at age 30, except for equipment and a crappy car. The way they are going right now they will have spent every available nickel on entertainment. That's probably not how you and your parents want to end up...

Skydiving is a hobby/entertainment and you have to keep that in mind. (at least that's my advice) Every $20 you would spend on a jump ticket could be used for more 'important' things than skydiving...

Most people try to find some kind of balance between all of their dreams but you don't have certain dreams yet... I'm getting borning here so lets change guns

I'm not saying you should not skydive! Hell no... It can be the most rewarding feeling to skydive. And that's worth alot too!

Live your dreams but try to consciously spend the amount needed for this particular dream and you'll be alright I guess...