getting scared.

[wmw999 2,120]

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The ride up sucked

That alone makes it easier for you to interpret whatever happened on the jump as bad instead of good.

Look at the rest of it with the point of view of a good ride up:

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My exit sucked, had to force myself belly to earth

(sounds like it worked).

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I tunnel visioned, never saw my altimeter or even remember looking at it, panicked and pulled while turning

(first priority -- PULL. You were scared of losing track, so you stopped the skydive. Good move)

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This was on my second pack job

(increases focus on "what can go wrong" instead of "what can go right").

Your mind is telling you that you don't have enough time for all the decisions you have to make. But you made enough right ones to not only get belly to earth, but also open high enough, and deal with line twists and landing. Not only that, but you remember what happened -- that's a really good sign. Had you really frozen, you wouldn't really remember what happened.

My main suggestion would be to do exactly the same jump, only start with focusing on having a good ride up, and on keeping the jump simple so that you can put all the pieces of it together. There's room for all of the right pieces in your brain. You just have to train it a little more.

I was shit scared after my first unstable exit (SL #3) until my first freefall (jump #8). Incredibly so. My first freefall was incredibly liberating. It's real, isn't it?

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[MNM604 0]

Just wanted to thank everyone for all the input. We're not even close to stopping, but it was nice to see that I was not alone on the feeling. Wendy, thanks for your post as well. It made great sense. Thanks again and blue skies.

[Michele 1]

LOL, MNM, you're completely normal.

My first hopnpop, round about jump 11, was atrocious. not even a little bit bad, but really really bad.

The ride up sucked. I hated sitting by the door *(that's changed now), I kept thinking I'd get sucked out or something. I did about a billion handle touches, and then, it was time. I know to count to 5 and then deploy. I got in the door as I was taught, took a deep breath, and hopped. And promptly went head down. Then rotated on my head. I was supposed to wave at the people in the plane, and that's all I could think of...waving. So there I am, plummeting towards the ground, waving at the retreating plane, and then realized I wasn't counting. So then I thought, well, don't count, just pull the sonofabitch. And I'm still head down...so I arch, and then pull, almost headdown (I think I'd started to level off). And yes, it hurt. Like a mf'er.

I came back down, swore I would never do another hnp again as long as I lived, and got packed. I hurt so badly, and had such a "rotten jump"...but the truth is it was a fine jump. Everything opened, I landed, life was fine...

One of my most favorite things to do now is a clear and pull...at sunset, last out, last down, gliding through the ending of the day....if I could only make one jump that day, that would be the one.

You're normal, you scared yourself, you've learned that you can handle the fear. Now let's go play!!! Congratulations!

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Ruffles 0]

Good one meesh, I remember you telling me that one at Elisinore.

I realize twenty-seven people have already posted better stories than mine, but I have to throw this one in for good measure for my scared brotha.

Jump 18, h-n-p time. My coach says to me 'The exit is really the important thing. Thats what I'm really looking of on this jump, OK?"
I reply, in what was reported to me later as a somewhat arrogant tone "Oh, thats no problem, my exits are always smooth..." (long pause)

3500 agl comes, door opens, I leave the plane and immediately flip back to wind, and go head to ground, feet to sky.

While I'm dealing with the sheer horror of being completely unstable at an altitude already lower than I usually pull at, several seconds go by.

Enter 2500 ft (i think), I get stable again and pull. Under canopy at 1900 ft, and for the very first time in my short life, I sensed ground rush. I did not enjoy it.

I landed with the intention of getting in my car and going home never to skydive ever again.

That coach still doesn't talk to me anymore...

[kelpdiver 2]

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Jump 18, h-n-p time. My coach says to me 'The exit is really the important thing. Thats what I'm really looking of on this jump, OK?"
I reply, in what was reported to me later as a somewhat arrogant tone "Oh, thats no problem, my exits are always smooth..." (long pause)

The exit is important to him?? I thought it was just about a good deployment in 5seconds.

Mine was done as the emergency drill. Pilot was supposed to yell "GET OUT" and I was to do exactly that. But they screw up (?) a bit and had the instructor do it, had to repeat as I was waiting for the man in charge. Anyhow, I hurled myself out the back, did a flip, grabbed the PC, waited another second, then threw it. Apparently it all happened in 3s.

BTW, I haven't noticed head down deployments in these HnPs to be any more forceful, Michele.

[Michele 1]

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BTW, I haven't noticed head down deployments in these HnPs to be any more forceful, Michele.

LOL, it may not have been, but it hurt nonetheless! LOLOL! Could'a been because I was tense and there was no "relaxing" and that was the reason it hurt more...dunno, all I know is that it hurt and I scared myself truly and well.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Avion 0]

You might find this thread helpful.

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1326776;search_string=fear%20abatement;#1326776

Cheers,

Brian

[Orange1 0]

My $0.02 on getting scared... is I found the more you get aware of conditions etc, the more scared you get, at first. My first jump (these are all SL) I was eager as a beaver, my 2nd and 3rd were fine. Time for my 4th... and i was feeling really freaky. The whole drive to the DZ (1.5hrs) I was thinking "I can't do this, I can't do this" (self-fulfilling, yeah?)... got there, kitted up, conditions were slightly gusty but the JMs were happy to let the students up... I was the only student with more than one jump on my load... watched 3 others jump, a gust of wind hit the plane, and I just freaked. (On my first jump I wouldn't have even noticed the wind, I don't think) I turned to the JM and said "I don't want to jump". His response was ultra-cool - an immediate "that's ok". he dispatched the last student, then checked a couple of times "are you sure?" and then he rode down with me, and he was really cool about it - gave me a talk about "listening to the voices", some anecdotes about experienced jumpers also just not feeling right, etc. I think if I'd been treated like an idiot, that would've been the last I was at the DZ. I kinda knew I shoulda felt like an idiot when all the other students made it down fine but - I didn't. Anyway, after that, I went back over my mindset, read the Skydivers Handbook again, reminded myself that fear is normal because jumping out of an airplane is not, and was back at the DZ jumping the next weekend

Skydiving: wasting fossil fuels just for fun.