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lauril

Funniest whuffo question

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i once had a girl in a bar trying to tell me she was a skydiver, and had made a few hundred jumps. When I asked her what size canopy she flies she replied,"I'm not sure, around a size 5 I think." She was cute though, so I gave her my number and invited her to the DZ.



hahahahah:D:D:D

There is no way she was already jumping a 5. Im still jumping a mens medium :P


Q. Why do birds sing?
A. Because they dont have to pack when they land

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It probably wont be the funniest question but I'd have to say we all agree plenty of whuffos ask me,
"What do you do if your chute doesn't open?" to which I reply that we have a reserve...."What if that one doesn't work?" Well.....then, we flap our arms really hard like a bird........ Gets em every time!


******Today is one day too late.********

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When they ask "what if the reserve doesn't open, then?", I reply: "Then I die", and start laughing very loud and insane.
They get embarassed, but at least they stop asking questions they know the answer of.

(btw, hi, first post. I think.)
"We call on the common man to rise up in revolt against this evil of typographical ignorance."
http://bancomicsans.com

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It probably wont be the funniest question but I'd have to say we all agree plenty of whuffos ask me,
"What do you do if your chute doesn't open?" to which I reply that we have a reserve...."What if that one doesn't work?" Well.....then, we flap our arms really hard like a bird........ Gets em every time!



skydiver: Take your shoe off and shove it up your arse
whuffo: why?
skydiver: cos when they find your body they'll have a hell of a time trying to figure out what happened :D

UK Skydiver for all your UK skydiving needs.

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"So what happens if the emergency chute doesn't open ?"

"What do you think happens - you die like a bug on a windshield, the last thing that goes thorough your mind is your ass".

That's what I tell 'em.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

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Sigh. This is another one from the rec.skydiving FAQ (also the source of the breathe through your skin myth).



You simply can't make this stuff up :$:$

====================================
-. "How do you breathe in freefall?" and other Whuffo Questions
------------------------------------------------------------

"How do you breath in freefall?"
-- Through genetically developed gills.

This falls into the realm of urban folklore. One CAN breathe in freefall - if it were necessary. However, due to the high speed of terminal freefall (and much higher speeds in vertical freefall dives), the jumper's body is exposed to O2 molecules at a much higher rate than someone walking around on the ground. The body is able to absorb the necessary O2 through the skin. This is why jumpers flap their cheeks in freefall, it presents a larger surface area to the airstream for oxygen osmosis. Once under canopy, the jumper resumes breathing normally.

This is also why jumpers do not jump on cloudy days or when they might risk going through clouds. The moisture in the clouds can condense on their exposed skin surfaces preventing the absorption of the necessary oxygen resulting in suffocation. AADs are recommended for jumpers in climates where weather is a factor.
We are all engines of karma

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Shit you not this is a true story:

I landed out the one day on a cricket field, about 3 miles from the dz (REALLY bad spot!, not my fault),
while they where playing cricket. Anyway i land in front of the main pavilion. And i shit you not, but this guy walked up to me and asked me if i was a skydiver!

On another note, if people ask me

"So what happens if the emergency chute doesn't open ?"

I tell them to put their head between their legs.

Why?

Kiss your ass good bye!

ALways gets a look of disbelief

Other one is: Then walk towards the light...
Some dream of flying, i live the dream...

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Was talking to the guys I play softball with last night after our game and asked if they were interested in getting a group together this summer and go jump. Well, one guy was really excited saying he's always wanted to do that. His question to me though was this.

"Do you have to do a tangent for your first jump?"

:D
It made me think of this thread so I had to dig it up.

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whuffo" what if your reserve don't work??

me: get ready to grab some grass

whuffo: why?

me: you don't die from initial impact, you only get bunch of broken bones, but from second bounce all the broken bone will stab your vital organs so you have to grab the grass in order not to bounce back up..and that is the number one killer of all skydiving accident "not grabbing the grass"..

whuffo: are you serious,?

me: yes, i've had to do it couple times.

whuffo: wow, good knowledge to know before the jump..

me: sure anytime dude..
Bernie Sanders for President 2016

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whuffo" what if your reserve don't work??

me: get ready to grab some grass

whuffo: why?

me: you don't die from initial impact, you only get bunch of broken bones, but from second bounce all the broken bone will stab your vital organs so you have to grab the grass in order not to bounce back up..and that is the number on killer of all skydiving not grabbing the grass..

whuffo: are you serious?

me: yes, i've done it couple times.

whuffo: wow, good knowledge to know before the jump..

me: sure anytime dude..





I don't get it! :S


















I've been telling that tale for 20 years!:P










~ "Pack Fast, Pull Low... and Date Your Riggers WIFE!" ~

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The best one I've heard was a chick from the red bull promotion team watching a jumper's skydiving video (8 way) and she then asked : so, when are you gonna be freefalling ? The guy said : euh....we are now freefalling
girl : oh really ? Well it doesn't look like you're falling 200 kph

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An instructor got me to do a static line (sit down) exit on the mock up while he described to the class what I was doing. As I'm about to push off a girl actually asked, "What happens if you fall out?"

Kinda the point love!

At the Uni sports fare the other club members and I were getting pretty tired of the standard whuffo questions and my friend decided to play with the next one.

She walks up and says she's interested in jumping but her friend told her, "If she pulled too high she would go into space". So we corrected her by saying she wouldn't go into space. But the main cause of fatalities in the sport is people pulling too high and going up to about 40k and suffocating/freezing.

She actually did made a jump after that (I think an instructor may have set her straight).

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I took a friend to the DZ one day for her 1st tandem... She got there and was staring at the packing deck with her jaw dropped.

whuffo: are you fucking kidding me!??! What are they doing?

me: re-packing there rigs

whuffo: THEY REALLY USE THERE PARACHUTE MORE THAN ONCE!?!?!

me :: laughing::

whuffo: I thought they were mailed new ones every day to use. You can't possibley use them more than once.

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I had a guy come in and apply for work once. When he seen skydiving pics on the wall he told me that he used to jump in Calif. I asked if he still had a rig and he said no, that he sold it after a couple hundred jumps. When I asked what brand of rig he flew, he couldn't remember. I didn't hire him.


I may be getting old but I got to see all the cool bands.

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Did he really believe that?

I crossed paths with a whuffo one time that was trying to convince me that he had been out to the small DZ that I jumped at, and had decided not to jump after watching someone bounce and then while they were leaving the jumper that would have been his instructor fell to his death. The DZ had never had a fatality in its history and for the life of me I could not figure out why he would make up such a story.

Wuffos!!:S



That's strange: most people at work ask intelligent questions when they see my PD calendar, and listen to my answers with varying degrees of interest.

But there are two or three who have horrible stories to tell me about their friend doing a tandem jump, and the camera man forgot to put his rig on and fell to his death and they didn't get any video because the video camera was smashed:S. And this was supposed to be recently, like "last year", in Norway. I can't find the incident report, surely there must have been an incident report on something like that?:o. They top it with an assortment of "parachute didn't open" stories that they have heard and that they feel are very important to tell me as a warning.

Well, I'm sure they mean well.

:D
Relax, you can die if you mess up, but it will probably not be by bullet.

I'm a BIG, TOUGH BIGWAY FORMATION SKYDIVER! What are you?

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At that point its up to you to say "Shut the fuck up you stupid fucking cunting moron"



Yeah, or (to the golfer): "Why would anyone make 18 holes in a perfectly good lawn?"

;)
Relax, you can die if you mess up, but it will probably not be by bullet.

I'm a BIG, TOUGH BIGWAY FORMATION SKYDIVER! What are you?

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most people at work ask intelligent questions when they see my PD calendar, and listen to my answers with varying degrees of interest.

But there are two or three who have horrible stories to tell me ***

If you announce to the whuffo world that you're a skydiver, you invite the stupid comments. Don't want to hear the stupid comments? Don't announce it to the whuffo world.

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If you announce to the whuffo world that you're a skydiver, you invite the stupid comments. Don't want to hear the stupid comments? Don't announce it to the whuffo world.



I like my PD calendar, and I'm not that much bothered about the comments.

:)
Relax, you can die if you mess up, but it will probably not be by bullet.

I'm a BIG, TOUGH BIGWAY FORMATION SKYDIVER! What are you?

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