0
MrGrumpie

Non jumping partner giving you grief about skydiving?

Recommended Posts

Hi all

One of my first posts, but I've been a lurker on the forums for quite a while! I quit skydiving over a decade ago, really due to money and cold english winters...and just ended up moving onto other things, before I even hit a 100 jumps.

Importantly, my previous jumping days were before I met my wife and the kids arrived (2 young daughters). After so many years out, this year found me hankering for the skies again, and I've started jumping :)
And wow. I love it. I've only been 4 days since June, and got in a few solos and finally a helicopter jump :) This weekend I plan to properly start my FS1, but there's only one problem...my wife is just giving me loads of grief.

She thinks that ;

a. It's dangerous
b. I should be spending time with her and the kids
c. It's expensive
d. I'm going to end up jumping every weekend
e. She doesn't agree with me doing it (see a b c and d).

Sheesh. I don't know what to think, apart from the first three are all true! In truth I debated long and hard about jumping again (should I with a young family etc, am I just being a selfish prick etc), but I'm never going to be a hardcore every-weekend-down-the-dropzone type of guy. She's giving me grief about 1 day every other weekend!

So...is anyone else out there in this same boat? Is there anything you did to help your other half understand? (I don't mean divorce either!;) ).

Any tips would be appreciated!

Thanks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You can't have been lurking for that long - this is a recurring theme on dizzy.com!!! :D:D:D

Do a bit of a search, especially in the women's forum. For some reason these oft end up there... If nothing else you will see you are not alone... [:/]
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is there anything near the DZ to do with the kids? Make a day of it?

Where I jump in Australia its right on the beach, I know quite a few people who bring the family up, get a jump in then spend the rest of the day at the beach with the family.
Have you seen my pants?
it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream
>:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
When the weather is bad in England :o make sure you put on your happy face with the kids and boss. Maybe only spend one day a weekend jumping. The other day with your family.;)

The sky will always be there your kids will won't. Your wife needs a break from the kids even on sunny days.

Same with your disposable money. Family comes first:)
Get more than enough insurance, to take care of your family when you get hurt, from a minor owee to really bad stuffB|

The married guys that I saw get in trouble were the ones that even went to the dz on bad weather days, blew all their cash jumping or found a new soul mate at the dz, or any combination of the three.

Good luck.
One Jump Wonder

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ah yes, the age old story of Boy Meets Girl, Boy Dates Girl, Boy Likes Girl, Girl says "We need to talk about how much time you're spending at the dropzone..." Boy dumps girl. Sounds like you're in stage 4.
I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
a. It's dangerous
Check
b. I should be spending time with her and the kids
Check
c. It's expensive
Check
d. I'm going to end up jumping every weekend
Check
e. She doesn't agree with me doing it (see a b c and d).
Double check

This is one of those sports that can become an all or nothing deal. Know that being at the DZ for a non-jumper sucks. And if you can't be at the DZ 24/7 its gonna suck for you too. You'll never get asked on the cool loads, you'll never be really current, and you'll end up with a lot of resentment as your wife has for you now. Just ask my first and second wives.

You don't say how old the kids are but I'm betting they are young. My advice is to file for divorce now. Then, you'll have the kids every Wednesday night and you can go to Chucky Cheese's and hang out with all the other divorced dads but the good news is you'll only have the kids every other weekend. Problem solved.
Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well...fortunately, my wife and I jump so we don't have to face that problem. But having been married almost 32 years, I sense some other dynamics goin' on here.

First, there's a good possibility she's scared for you, herself and the kids. Skydiving ain't croquet unless someone decides to beat you to death with a mallet or knocks you in the head with a fast (croquet) ball.

It might be prudent to show her injury/death statistics from the USPA and BPA. Quite frankly, we're more at risk at getting injured or killed driving on the interstate freeway here in the Colonies than skydiving.

Finally, all of us need a little personal time to recharge our batteries so we can be at our best for others. If that's what skydiving does for you, let her know. I know after a day of jumping my bats are recharged for the challenges and bull$#!t I know I'm going to face during the week.

Not a complete comprehensive answer but added to the others here, I hope it helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MrGrumpie


a. It's dangerous
b. I should be spending time with her and the kids
c. It's expensive
d. I'm going to end up jumping every weekend
e. She doesn't agree with me doing it (see a b c and d).



a/c. It is. If you're the primary breadwinner in the family, or even if you and your wife are both bringing in an income, you'll want to think carefully about financial planning and appropriate insurance. Good idea in general, especially important if you're going to jump. No matter how you look at it by adding skydiving to the list of things you do, you're increasing the risk that you won't be around and could leave your family in a financial lurch.

In the shorter term, can your family budget handle the costs of skydiving without sacrificing other things that you've prioritized as a family? Think hard about that.

b/d. Well yeah. Most relationships benefit from more time together. However, there are lots of people both with and without kids who don't spend every weekend at the dropzone. Especially in your dreary climate. :D But again this is a matter of your priorities and your family's priorities and figuring out how and if skydiving fits into that. It may mean picking 1-2 weekends a month where you will skydive if the weather is good, and planning family activities on the other weekends. It might mean you only skydive one day out of any weekend, not two. If your attitude is just "I'm gonna skydive no matter what" then... well, yeah, things aren't looking really great because you're prioritizing your self-interest over everything else.

I know lots and lots of people in skydiving who are raising (or have raised) kids, and who have non-skydiving partners. The ones who are willing to work at it, to compromise, and to decide how to balance competing priorities are the ones who've managed to make it work. (But then again, even without skydiving in the picture, isn't that just what we have to do for all successful relationships?)
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Make your family time truly family time (ie no basketball nights, no football nights, etc). Agree that if the agreed-on DZ day sucks it becomes a family day. Take your wife on dates and make her feel special.

If she still gives you a hard time (and it hasn't just been a month of the "new you"), then it might be tough. She's seen you as "complete" without skydiving, and might have trouble seeing that now you want it.

What does she want? Maybe some of those family weekends are with just you and the children so she can go quilt/paint/roller skate/whatever.

And yes, good luck. I quit for 13 years under similar circumstances. The sky was still there when I started again, and I don't regret it

Wendy P.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Boomerdog


It might be prudent to show her injury/death statistics from the USPA and BPA. Quite frankly, we're more at risk at getting injured or killed driving on the interstate freeway here in the Colonies than skydiving.



And pray she's not good with math and has working knowledge of statistics, or else she'll see right through the fallacy of this argument. :ph34r:
I'm standing on the edge
With a vision in my head
My body screams release me
My dreams they must be fed... You're in flight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's just skydiving... That's all. You're doing it for fun. Not to put bread on the table. Not to solve world problems and you know that it's expensive and dangerous.

Ask yourself who's being unfair.... her for not liking you doing it, or you for doing something that's dangerous and expensive while you have a young family to support?


Try explaining to us why putting yourself at risk 2 days a month is justifiable, because if this isn't a friendly audience, I don't know what is!

Is there any room for compromise? If not, what it comes down to is simple - are you going to resent her if you stop jumping because of her? If so, you're probably done. Skydiving is more important than your relationship at this point. (Just remember, most people don't stay for the long-haul... the thousands of jumps, and decades in the sport are the exceptions).

Is she going to resent you if you continue jumping? If so, you're also probably done.


Keeping her amused 2 days a month is easy. Calming the fear that you're going to get badly hurt or die, and leave her with two small kids isn't, because that's a reality.

The sky isn't going anywhere. It'll still be there when the kids are older and more settled.

Personally, I'd step away from it for a while and find something else for a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Though it's going to be a bit ironic if he stops skydiving to stay safe and then dies because of:

- cancer
- car accident
- commercial airline accident
- heart attack
- ebola :S
- trips over and bangs his head
- skiing accident
- DIY accident
- murdered
- etc; etc

Not saying you are wrong, but death is waiting for us all. It's going to happen and unfortunately it doesn't care whether you have a family to support.

Non jumper's fear of skydiving is typically irrational based on the perception of danger.

Yes it is dangerous, but so is having a private pilots licence but you don't see many people freaking out over their partner flying every weekend.

Everything we do in life is dangerous - I was on a ladder the other day, lots of people die falling off ladders each year.

yoink

It's just skydiving... That's all. You're doing it for fun. Not to put bread on the table. Not to solve world problems and you know that it's expensive and dangerous.

Ask yourself who's being unfair.... her for not liking you doing it, or you for doing something that's dangerous and expensive while you have a young family to support?


Try explaining to us why putting yourself at risk 2 days a month is justifiable, because if this isn't a friendly audience, I don't know what is!

Is there any room for compromise? If not, what it comes down to is simple - are you going to resent her if you stop jumping because of her? If so, you're probably done. Skydiving is more important than your relationship at this point. (Just remember, most people don't stay for the long-haul... the thousands of jumps, and decades in the sport are the exceptions).

Is she going to resent you if you continue jumping? If so, you're also probably done.


Keeping her amused 2 days a month is easy. Calming the fear that you're going to get badly hurt or die, and leave her with two small kids isn't, because that's a reality.

The sky isn't going anywhere. It'll still be there when the kids are older and more settled.

Personally, I'd step away from it for a while and find something else for a bit.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Backintothesky

Though it's going to be a bit ironic if he stops skydiving to stay safe and then dies because of:

- cancer
- car accident
- commercial airline accident
- heart attack
- ebola :S
- trips over and bangs his head
- skiing accident
- DIY accident
- murdered
- etc; etc

Not saying you are wrong, but death is waiting for us all. It's going to happen and unfortunately it doesn't care whether you have a family to support.

Non jumper's fear of skydiving is typically irrational based on the perception of danger.

Yes it is dangerous, but so is having a private pilots licence but you don't see many people freaking out over their partner flying every weekend.

Everything we do in life is dangerous - I was on a ladder the other day, lots of people die falling off ladders each year.

***It's just skydiving... That's all. You're doing it for fun. Not to put bread on the table. Not to solve world problems and you know that it's expensive and dangerous.

Ask yourself who's being unfair.... her for not liking you doing it, or you for doing something that's dangerous and expensive while you have a young family to support?


Try explaining to us why putting yourself at risk 2 days a month is justifiable, because if this isn't a friendly audience, I don't know what is!

Is there any room for compromise? If not, what it comes down to is simple - are you going to resent her if you stop jumping because of her? If so, you're probably done. Skydiving is more important than your relationship at this point. (Just remember, most people don't stay for the long-haul... the thousands of jumps, and decades in the sport are the exceptions).

Is she going to resent you if you continue jumping? If so, you're also probably done.


Keeping her amused 2 days a month is easy. Calming the fear that you're going to get badly hurt or die, and leave her with two small kids isn't, because that's a reality.

The sky isn't going anywhere. It'll still be there when the kids are older and more settled.

Personally, I'd step away from it for a while and find something else for a bit.



This is exactly what I think!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-27588210 <- I've already told my wife that more people are killed by cows in the UK than skydiving B|

I struggle with the idea that I could die falling off a ladder or in my car, but yet these things aren't perceived as high risk. Anyway, we all know that any statistical arguments are flawed and we read into them what we want!

Thank you all for the comments, there's some food for thought buried in there (and no I don't mean me taking up BASE jumping :SB| ), especially that the sky will always be there. I know it's true, but I find that line of thought a little depressing as I really don't want to stop jumping again!

The thing that's really hit home after such a long break, is that currency is everything. My wife can't even get her head around the fact that I do more than one jump when I'm at the DZ, and I'm sure she thinks my argument about currency and safety is a bit of a line.

I've really realised this is quite important though. Complacency kills, but I see uncurrency as a big danger too, especially around being under canopy. And not only that, but I need to be current to really progress my skills.

Ah well, lots to consider, but in the meantime I'm praying for good weather on Sunday as I'll be jumping my ass off B|

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
At one stage I did only jump on saturday mornings, untill 12:00, back home at 13:00. This was a set every second weekend. It kinda worked, cause I gave the SO the other sat morning off from the kids - Shopping, tea or one of those other adrenaline pumping outings they do. We have good weather though. It did suck, cause it meant I was bound to that weekend.

Now, I got's myself a brand new SO, x-skydiver, and she loves hanging at the DZ. Shit, she even packs.

OH...Never let her find out how much a jump costs.
You have the right to your opinion, and I have the right to tell you how Fu***** stupid it is.
Davelepka - "This isn't an x-box, or a Chevy truck forum"
Whatever you do, don't listen to ChrisD.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You obviously skipped over that most very important part of the skydivers handbook - the decisions you make early on have a later effect...

Long time ago I just married a rich aerobatic pilot - she has her thing on weekends & I have mine! ;):ph34r:










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
airtwardo

You obviously skipped over that most very important part of the skydivers handbook - the decisions you make early on have a later effect...

Long time ago I just married a rich aerobatic pilot - she has her thing on weekends & I have mine! ;):ph34r:



A gigantic "pearl of wisdom"......"the decisions you make early on have later effect". THIS! You can't successfully add on after the fact. I contend this is why a vast amount of relationships fail. Hell, relationships are tough enough during the best of times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been jumping for just over four years, married for 6 months to a non-jumper, and have a 2 year old son. So suffice to say I can relate to where you're coming from.

I can't speak to your case as I don't know you, but I can tell you that I have taken on extra work to bring in money to pay for all jumping/gear/tunnel expenses.

I only jump at the DZ twice a month (i.e. every other weekend for 1 day only).

I am lucky to have a wind tunnel near by, though, so a few times a month (or sometimes every week) I'll go down there after work to get some team training in.

The way we make it work is that any time I get to myself has to be balanced out with reciprocal free time for my wife.

So say I fly tunnel Thursday evening and jump load 1 to sunset saturday, Friday night my wife goes out with her friends, and sunday morning I'm flipping pancakes and taking my son to the park while my wife spends time with her friends.

It works for us, but that's because the question of me not jumping at all isn't on the table, so for us it's a matter of balance.

Not really trying to give you any specific advice, just trying to show you that it can be done, and it doesn't have to be an all or nothing type deal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi mate,
I started jumping again last year after 20 years since my last military one. Now with woman and kids I did AFF in Spain and steadily built up to where I am now, B licence, FS1 and 93 jumps. Luckily I have an understanding other half, but it helps that I work offshore and I'm away anyway quite a bit, so it didn't seem too strange when I'm not there. I try and not jump all weekend, so if the weather is good I'll do a couple on a Saturday and not kick the arse out of being away. so I can take her out at least one of the days. I also went to Seville in February and again in June to do jumping. It sounds like I've got the best missus in the world and I guess I have but she doesn't necessarily like me jumping but realises that without it I would be the Mr. boring whose only recreation would be to do the gardening or go down the pub. What sort of bloke would I be for her then. I bet secretly that she would be proud of such an awesome dude who does something out of the ordinary compared to all the usual people who are content to stay in their comfort zone with darts night or going on the firms bowling night. I'm no adrenaline junkie apart from skydiving, but it feels like I'm living life these days. Vince, age 56

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I didn't start jumping until after the kids were grown. My wife is very supportive. I think part of her support comes from understanding that I need my "thing" of interest to be an outlet and keep me sane. We have been married many years and maybe that helps.

I do think family should be ahead of fun. With a young family I think I would give all aspects very careful consideration.

Sacrifice is the true sign of love. Have you asked her what level/amount of skydiving that she would be okay with?
Instructor quote, “What's weird is that you're older than my dad!”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

0