Thoughts and prayers

[skybytch 259]

Or vibes. Whatever you got. I can use `em.

My 80 year old parents are moving 400 miles across the state. Closer to me of course. They are driving up with my brother and niece today. They arrive there tomorrow and the ridiculous amount of useless crap Mom MUST bring arrives Friday. Four trips down there since October to help pack and scream at her to please please please reduce the hoard... but no. It's all coming... so I can get rid of it in a few years when they die.

The stupidest decision they have ever made and I should know, having made more than enough really stupid decisions in my life. My son and I pretty much begged them not to do it. My brother said they'd be just fine. He knows better now but it's too late, and he's going to be 400 miles away now so it's not his problem after tomorrow anyway.

It's been three months of absurdity and I don't foresee it getting better. I see all the cool plans we have for the next couple years slowly fading away, replaced by me taking care of them between stays in a padded room.

I should be there to help them move in. They really can't do it themselves.  But I get to spend the weekend hooked to an EEG machine in a nuero unit having seizures. Carpe that fucking diem.

And to top it all off, my favorite chicken died. RIP Meringue.

Is 9:30am too early to start drinking?  

</whine>

 

 

[wmw999 2,120]

I think you deserve a giant glass. I've been the go-to offspring, and it's not easy. If you can convince them to move to a retirement community, the better. Both a retirement community and assisted living mean that they're living close to a lot of people with the same free hours as theirs. But a retirement community is filled with people who have chosen to live there, while an assisted living is filled with people who had to move there -- who would they rather associate with?

I feel for you; I'll admit I also was very, very, glad when my father had to move to assisted living, because then he moved closer to my brother. It had been 11 years; self-sufficient, but lonely for much of it. His life really changed for the better when I told him he had to move to a retirement community (my house was a bad location for an 80-year-old with no friends and low vision).

And let people help you. Everyone loves to do the things that are easy for them, and that's what they'll offer to do. Take them up on it, they'll feel better about themselves, and you'll feel better.

Wendy P.

[skybytch 259]

They are moving to another senior mobile home community in a place they (and I) know absolutely no one.  I'd have been very happy with and suggested strongly an assisted living situation as mobility and driving are both issues as is the declining mental acuity, but she insists that they can't afford that. 

Which does not bode well for the future.

I just hope they can take care of themselves for another year. I have 450 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail to hike next summer.  

 

 

[wmw999 2,120]

Yes you do. And sooner is way better than later. 
I hope you have a wonderful time on the trail
Wendy P. 

[riggerrob 558]

Skybytch's story reminds us of what my younger brother has been doing for the last few years.

About 4 years ago my father was diagnosed with Altsheimer's disease, so my younger brother started helping him get his affairs in order. The old house was a cluttered disaster, with documents scattered at random .. even mixed in with buckets of ammunition!

My brothers sold off most of dad's gun collection to help pay down his debts.

After my dad lost his driver's license, he moved in with his girlfriend of 16 years, but by last year, it was clear that taking care of dad was exhausting her. We were only able to move dad into a retirement home last July. He died in August at age 89 ... long list of medical problems. When my dad died last August, he was the last of our blood relatives still living in our old home town. I went back twice last summer. The first visit was depressing, because my dad did not recognize me! The second visit was to provide moral support to my younger brother during the funeral.

Since then my younger brother has been doing the 5-hour drive a couple of times per month to sort through dad's messy old house. He has donated whole trailer loads to local charities and delivered as much to the town dump.

Skybytch, the best thing you can do is complete walking the Pacific Crest Trial next summer. It is a great way to clear your head.

[skybytch 259]

Thanks guys.

It keeps getting worse. Had to rescue them after they ran out of money and hotel room last week. Mother won't listen to anyone, not even their saint of a real estate agent (who will forever hold a special place in my heart). They can't seem to understand that cell phones must be kept turned on and charged if they want people to be able to contact them.  She won't even go pay for the room for tomorrow night KNOWING that they aren't moving in to the new place tomorrow... because she can hope... and the motel doesn't fill up... 

Oh. Em. Gee. I am so screwed.

If only I had an AAD.. and a reserve...and the hubby would let me go to Low Die (cuz fuck USPA)... I could so use a skydive right about now.

[wmw999 2,120]

Oh man. Oh man. I'm so sorry to hear this, Lisa.

Wendy P.

[skybytch 259]

Here I sit at the parents new house.  I have been here two days a week since the first of the month and will be here at least two days a week for the foreseeable future. 

They can't handle their banking, changing doctors,  dealing with address changes,  even setting up tv and trash service was a struggle. The simplest things have become totally confusing and overwhelming for them.. Absolutely heartbreaking to watch and seriously frustrating for both them and me.

Don't let this type of situation hit you without warning.  Visit your aging parents often. Watch for signs of decline in mental acuity.  And when they are making really bad decisions, don't assume they are capable of dealing with the consequences.  That's the time to step in. 

I knew that is what I should have done when mom started talking about moving but I played ostrich instead. So now I am dealing with the consequences. 

Don't be a dumb ass like I am. 

 

[wmw999 2,120]

Bytch, take care of yourself, too. This has got to be really difficult.

Could you get a trailer and move it onto your property, so they're closer, and easier to get to?

Wendy P.

[skybytch 259]

I wish we could.  But we are 30 minutes from any health care, a minimum 10 minute ambulance response time and we can't afford to hook a trailer up to the septic.  Assisted living is too expensive unfortunately...

I thought managing my own medical and life issues was difficult at times. Adding theirs is certainly challenging the efficacy of my seizure meds lmao!!

Must keep positive attitude... and the booze cabinet stocked...

Thanks for the empathy! It helps, seriously.  This is actually one of very few times that I have missed fakebook since I broke free from it.

[gowlerk 1,904]

2 hours ago, skybytch said:

Here I sit at the parents new house.  I have been here two days a week since the first of the month and will be here at least two days a week for the foreseeable future. 

They can't handle their banking, changing doctors,  dealing with address changes,  even setting up tv and trash service was a struggle. The simplest things have become totally confusing and overwhelming for them.. Absolutely heartbreaking to watch and seriously frustrating for both them and me.

Don't let this type of situation hit you without warning.  Visit your aging parents often. Watch for signs of decline in mental acuity.  And when they are making really bad decisions, don't assume they are capable of dealing with the consequences.  That's the time to step in. 

I knew that is what I should have done when mom started talking about moving but I played ostrich instead. So now I am dealing with the consequences. 

Don't be a dumb ass like I am. 

 

When that started happening with mine I had to deal with my dad's wife giving out her credit card number on the phone to every con artist in existence it seemed. Once they find a sucker they come back over and over. I had no idea that they had so many different credit cards. We would cancel one, and the next month she would dig up another one and give out the number again. Usually to have her laptop repaired remotely. She still has her cheque book. I'm sure if you sent her an invoice she would mail a cheque no questions asked. My sister monitors the account at least weekly and is now a joint acct. Only my sister has the password for online banking. They are still in the condo for now. Dad flushed one of his depends and plugged the drain last week causing water damage below. He should actually be in a nursing home, but not right now with the virus situation.