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SethInMI

religious joke of the day

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couple of jokes told (re-told) by ricky gervais:

the setup joke:
On December 25th 1943, a German Commander walks into one of the barracks in Auschwitz and says, "I am full of the Christmas joys, and have decided to let you all go free!" As people start to line up to leave a guy in the back says, "hey wait, we don't celebrate Christmas"

the kicker:
A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to Heaven. Upon meeting god, the survivor tells god a Holocaust joke. Afterwards god says "That's not funny." The survivor responds, "Well, I guess you had to be there..."

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I read the obit of Sean Kelly, the one-time editor of the National Lampoon and founder of Heavy Metal magazine. The rabbit hole I went down lead me to Son-O-God, the satirical comic series published occasionally in the Lampoon in the '70s. Fascinating to read, very funny, but also of its time. 

https://web.archive.org/web/20160310030108/http://dialbforblog.com/archives/417/index.html

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15 hours ago, SethInMI said:

I read the obit of Sean Kelly, the one-time editor of the National Lampoon and founder of Heavy Metal magazine. The rabbit hole I went down lead me to Son-O-God, the satirical comic series published occasionally in the Lampoon in the '70s. Fascinating to read, very funny, but also of its time. 

https://web.archive.org/web/20160310030108/http://dialbforblog.com/archives/417/index.html

The English-language "Heavy Metal" illustrated magazine was preceded by a French-language magazine called "Metal hurlant" 

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There was these two preachers who were good friends and they would ride their bicycles to church every Sunday morning. Because of where they lived, and where their churches were located, they would pass each other along the way. One Sunday morning, one of the preachers was riding his bicycle to church and he saw the other preacher approaching, but the other preacher was walking.

They stopped to chat and he said, "Good morning, Reverend. Why aren't you riding your bicycle this morning? The other preacher said, "It really hurts me to say this but I think somebody at my church stole my bicycle." His friend said, "Let me tell you how to get it back. Before you begin your sermon this morning, read the Ten Commandments. When you say thou shalt not steal, the person who took your bicycle will feel so guilty, he'll give it back to you."

The following Sunday, the preacher is riding his bicycle to church and he sees his friend coming from the other direction, and his friend is riding his bicycle too. They stopped to chat and he said, "Good morning, Reverend. I see you found out who stole your bicycle." The other preacher said, "No, but when I said thou shalt not commit adultery, I remembered where I left it."

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Just now, billvon said:

And as one is about to win, the surprise is on him - that meteor above them is about to hit and end the era of the dinosaurs.

The era didn’t technically end. Some small dinosaurs survived and evolved into birds that are still with us today. Tablesaws survived as well and have evolved into many different varieties.

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My wife works part time at a winery.  Last night we went to a winery industry event for local winery owners and staff.  I was talking with a banker at a small local bank that had loaned start up money for a couple small local wineries.  I got to thinking it takes a lot of money to start a winery.  You have to buy a lot of acres of land, put in trellises, plant grape vines that won't produce for 3 to 5 years.  Then build a facility and equipment harvest, process and ferment the grapes then bottle the wine plus hire staff for the business.  I thought there must be a cheaper way and it came to me how to reduce the start up cost, overhead and staff expenses.  All I would need is bottling equipment.  It is important to hire the right wine maker and I thought of the right person.  I would hire Jesus as my wine maker because he can turn water into wine.

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