1 1
SethInMI

religious joke of the day

Recommended Posts

Pastor calls the kids up before sending them off to kids church and has some analogy he wants to tell them. He asks them what has a big furry tail, gathers nuts in the fall, climbs trees, etc. A kid finally raises his hand with a confused look on his face and says "well I know the answer is Jesus but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."
Max Peck
What's the point of having top secret code names, fellas, if we ain't gonna use 'em?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.
“I didn’t sleep with my wife before I was married,” said one clergyman self-righteously, “Did you?”
“I don’t know,” said the other. “What was her maiden name?”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jakee

Two nuns in a bath, one asks "Where's the soap?" The other replies, "Oh, yes it does!"



I had to google that one, I knew there was a masturbation joke in there somewhere, but I couldn't find the pun.

Explained:
"[Stop doing that. It] wears [down] the soap"
"Yes it does"
It's flare not flair, brakes not breaks, bridle not bridal, "could NOT care less" not "could care less".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
normiss

My wife had a good one today:

After seeing a sign in someone's yard that said "Jesus came for you"
She said to me, "I don't want to hear about his sex life! Why are christians so obsessed with sex???"

God I love her.
:D:D:D



Wait, so you post a bunch of religious sex jokes, one of which was deleted for being too inappropriate even for this forum, and then your wife takes a relatively innocent comment and turns it into something about ejaculation, and Christians are the ones obsessed with sex???

Ya, that's a good one!:D

Just curious, do you stereotype other protected classes of people like that?

I wonder how many hypocrites in here would be offended if there was a black joke of the day thread, or a trans-sexual joke of the day thread. . .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Wait, so you post a bunch of religious sex jokes, one of which was deleted for being too inappropriate even for this forum, and then your wife takes a relatively innocent comment and turns it into something about ejaculation, and Christians are the ones obsessed with sex?


I went to a Catholic high school in New York. We'd have events and dances at nearby women's schools (and they would come to ours) - and I can confirm that the more religious the school, the more obsessed with sex they were.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
billvon


I went to a Catholic high school in New York. We'd have events and dances at nearby women's schools (and they would come to ours) - and I can confirm that the more religious the school, the more obsessed with sex they were.



Good luck with the peer review on that one. Anecdotal stereotypes tend not to fare so well.

Maybe you can submit papers on angry black women and job-stealing mexicans while you're at it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
billvon

>Good luck with the peer review on that one. Anecdotal stereotypes tend not to fare so well.

Peer review on "who's more obsessed with sex?" Might as well try to peer review the statement "the Cowboys suck."



There was a church-run college in my small, Midwestern hometown.
Bible classes were a mandatory part of the curriculum.
Over the years I became acquainted with people who had attended there;
Man, did I get some surprises about what went on among the students!!!:o:o:o
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad's advice to me when I left home having joined the Navy:
"If you want to get laid, go to church"
Never cared much for those I met on bar stools.
Again, dad was correct. My whole life the only times I saw dad in a church was for funerals. :D

The preacher's wife (once), and a few other ladies over the years, sure taught me a lot.
Nice people, they just enjoyed sex.
Like most normal people actually.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
normiss

Race and sexual identity are not choices.
Religious insanity is.


People can choose their flavor of religion and how they practice it, just like gay people can choose their partners and whether or not to abstain from sexual activity. Some may say that bisexuals absolutely have a choice.

However, there is evidence suggesting that there are biological factors that predispose us toward faith.

This is really all beside the point tho. Religion needed to become a protected class for a reason. Today, that protection keeps all the religious bigots we see in forums like these from acting on their hatred.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You have an incorrect perspective on gay people.

I'd suggest research, but that would be equal to your throwing your god bullshit at me.

Religious freedom has existed as long as I've seen it's insanity, you're proving it here.
Judgemental much?

You've brought religion into my life.
Really? How?
Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
>People can choose their flavor of religion and how they practice it, just like gay people can
>choose their partners and whether or not to abstain from sexual activity.

Sure. But people can choose the flavor of their religion. They cannot choose the "flavor" of their sexual orientation, any more than they can choose the color of their skin or their race.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It always confuses me how the hardcore religious followers get this strange perspective, more so christians of course.
Their own jebus was from the middle east.
Impossible that dude was white.

They celebrate his possible return, yet block the border from those from that area, as well as that skin color.
They would prefer to put him in a cell.
To me it' like everything christian, entirely unbelievable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
At least one religious poster here has said that he separates those two things in his mind. Jesus's teachings? You talk about them in Scripture discussion groups and at church. In the real world? You grab what you can get your hands on, and shoot anyone who tries to get in the way of that. Bless their hearts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

1 1