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marcorandazza

Fatality at Eloy (Dec. 30), Condolences for Cliff Heller (Apoil)

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Hello everyone, I'm Monica and I'm a friend of Cliff's family. My best friend is Cliff's youngest sister. I never had the pleasure of meeting Cliff because he already left Staten Island before Brandie and I met. However, I feel like I did manage to get to know him through all the stories I heard and the posts I read on here. He truly seemed like such a unique and unforgettable person.

From my understanding, Cliff seems like one of the few people you come across in life that consistently leaves an impact on those around him. And from an argumentative point of view, it sounds like he would have made one hell of a lawyer. However, after listening to stories from my best friend I also gather that he was a versatile individual who was quick witted and had a big heart.

What happened here was nothing short of a tragedy as well as a painfully devastating loss of talent and potential. One of the things I admire most about my best friends family is their marked intelligence and I can see that Cliff was no exception. Although I fall in the shadows of experiencing this loss, I have to say that Cliff's style of life is inspiring. As a person who has lived on this island all her life with how repetitive and mundane it can be, hearing about Cliff's biography reiterates to me that there is a big world out there full of so many diverse experiences and that the only thing that limits us is ourselves. And as Brandie so eloquently put it, life is too short for putting things off for later. My thoughts and condolences go out to first and foremost his family but also to all of the other people whose lives he has touched.

Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.
-David Searls

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Marco,
I now am known as Cousin Cindy (I dropped the CRAZY). You also inherited a slew of cousins, my son Michael, my sister Sherry & of course "ME". The memorial service was a true tribute to Cliff. He would have been proud of us. Aside from meeting you & adding you to "our family" I also had the pleasue of meeting the beautiful Jen, Aviva, Alex, & quite a few other special people in Cliff's short life. Even Cliff's law professor Tobias showed up. It was wonderful seeing the turnout for my cousin Cliff, heartfelt but wonderful just the same. Jen, I'm so so sorry that this is how I had to meet you. I know as we all do the Cliff truly loved you (no doubt about it). It's times like these that bring us all closer together & truly make us family. I hope we can keep this thread going for a long time. I don't want anyone to ever forget Cliff (there is no way anyone who knew Cliff could actually forget him, he left an impression on almost everyone he met).

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Dont drop the Crazy! It makes you special. And not in a hockey helmet way... in a precious and "only you" way.

Wanna hear something weird?

There is a conference in Arizona that I really wanted to attend, but I was not going to be able to due to work responsibilities.

This morning, I get an email that my firm is sending me after all. I guess I will have to make a little pilgrimage to Eloy. So, any Eloyians that may be present in February, I would love the opportunity to meet you.

Marco

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Didn't know you as well as some in here, but perhaps a little more than others for a short time:

I think you were careful and skillful dude. Don't know what happened. Don't really care - just that you get to fly elsewhere.

I know you were the only guy in America with a "______" kind of main(what kind of canopy was that called?). From where? Anyway, that told me that you walked your own road man, and that's cool. I'm with that.

You made a chunk of bread on that pad you had in the city and were like, "How much you gonna give me for my condo?!!!.....aahhhhh, sold! Guess I'll go freefly and swoop all over the world now."

Good jumps man. Lots of fun stuff up there with you. Too bad we couldn't have done more sometime.

You had a lot of positive vibes to offer and we shared some air. To the last member of our team. Blue sky's and fly forever man. Dave C

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Blog from a band that Cliff was friends with back in the old-school hardcore scene of NYC

Cliff Heller- Rest in Peace
On December 30th a friend of Six and Violence passed away. Cliff Heller from New York died in a skydiving accident on December 30th in Arizona. For those of you that knew him, you know how sad this is--for the rest, well, he was a true renaissance man--one of those rare characters who was a genius and could succeed in mainstream life and be a total radical freak and get away with it-- a true genius (and Subgenius).

The story in the Staten Isalnd papers;
http://www.silive.com/obituaries/advance/index.ssf?/base/news/1168003836266840.xml&coll=1
I had not been in touch with Cliff for a long time, but my hazy memory recalls some great times spent with him and his wife Cathy in the heady days of college and post college NYC. I distinctly remember my firt impression of Cliff at Stony Brook--maybe because of his major in electrical engineering or god knows what I just presumed he was a geek--and then I quickly learned that not only could this guy hold his own in terms of caustic wit (perhaps outdoing ME!) he was also a bona-fide Church of the Subgenius type. Now Stony Brook in 1986 or whenevr I met him did not have many people who were hip to the Subgenius thing--I had been turned onto it via Devo and the "Book" which Jim Starace's older brother had from the 70's---so when I met a guy like Cliff, he stood out!

I later realized what godddamn genius Cliff was--I was just figuring out my way around the metaphysical universe and he already had it mapped! I mean REALLY--and yet he was also a warm and straightforward guy. It was an honor to have him respect Six and Violence and have his smiling face at a gig. Hell, he probably could have formed his own band and done it way better than us--and yet he was a humble and supportive guy.
I was lucky to have Cliff out to my my beach spot in Riverhead--a place I only have a few friends out to, and my girlfriend and I had Cliff and Cathy over to party at our flat in Setauket. These were heady days--I was on a pretty deep trip towrds self discovery, and to have people like Cliff in my orbit was very formative for me. I doubt he benefitted as much from me, but who knows! He was the intelligensia and COOL as far as Stony Brook went. I wish I had those converstaions on video.

Cliff was one of the first guys I knew to get a propoer New York apartment, and to get a real job (while I was out driving a delivery van!)--he was one of my forst peers to get married--I was a bit in awe of all that grown up stuff.
As I got more into a drunken haze in the post college years, New York was a blur of total mayhem--I remember many mental snapshots of hanging out with Cliff, but I was all over the place. I remember Cliff and Cathy being quite forgiving of some rather insane drunken behavior on my part at a party at their flat-- crazy stuff of youth---of course NOTHING phased Cliff---he was always quite amused it seemed. He had a 100% open mind and thrill for life.

Which brings us to skydiving--I had mostly stayed in touch with Cliff's ex wife Cathy over since maybe the early 90's--and I had no idea Cliff was so into sky-diving. Obviously this was something that he was WAY into as he had somewhere between "4000 and 7000" jumps--- I'm not good at math but that would strike me that he was jumping out of planes on a pretty frequent basis!

In my shock and sadness to process that "Cliff died" to the more semi-absurd "Cliff died SKYDIVING" I have to say, that totally sucks since skydiving is one of those elective things, not necessary to one's survival except on the existential plane (which was very important to Cliff).

I guess I am getting more conservative in my old age. I guess I feel that since I feel that I have cheated the Grim reaper so many freaking times I will NOT ask for trouble. No skydiving for me, or anyone else in the Six and Violence as far as I can tell--waking up alive is a real thrill for us at age 40 since some of us are in fact dead already (RIP Paulie).

Ray Amico and I wrote the Six and Violence song "Die for Fun" exploring this concept, albeit in a crude way. Ray wrote most of the lyrics and he references every extreme thrill that humans do, from jumping out of airplanes to jumping motorbikes, to running with the bulls, etc. I threw in some lyrics to reference other life-testing sports like drinking and drugs. In many ways, it is all the same. The philosophical question posed in the song is "why would we DIE for fun". When you have time read the article on Wikipedia.org about "boredom"--it is actually a key element of the human experience and a key motivator in our choices, sometimes to the extreme.

So I sit here mourning the loss of Cliff Heller, and OUTSTANDING human being--not to put any one life on a higher pedestal than another, but, you know, we all do it. It always seems that good die young and the schlubs just drain the rest of us survivors. You know the deal.

But I do have to think back to my reaction hearing about Cliff's death on the phone, and in my deepest Queens accent, saying "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANNA JUMP OUT OF A FUCKING AIRPLANE FOR ?????!?!??!?!"

No offense to those people that like to jump out of airplanes, but seriously, with terrorists, diseases, George Bush, bad drivers and all forms of hideous monsters out to kill your ass every day, do you NEED to test the limits???

Well, as I was reading posts about Cliff, I found he had answered my question in advance (as you will se from other posts, apparently Cliff was actually smarter than everyone else and did always have the last word without ever being annoying)

Cliff wrote about the possibility of death skydiving: "Most families of skydivers have already come to terms with the possibility. If not, they will. They are your family - they share some of your genetic traits - they WILL understand. If you are talking about your extended skydiving family, they know that the risk of pain and loss are part of the full spectrum of experiences in life."
Very existential Cliff-- I wish you hadn't had to take it so far, but then it was a stupid accident, and stupid accidents happen everywhere my brother. At least you were here, at least you actually lived life to the fullest instead of just talking shit like most of us do. You did more in 40 some odd years than many men combined.

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Unfortunately, I cannot relate to Cliff as well as most of those who have posted in this thread. However, I feel a twisted connection to him that makes me feel as if i have lost somebody very close to me.

In Eloy, i was putting the pin through my closing loop when I heard the canopies collide; I was packing on a tarp in between the main building and the bathrooms. As a new skydiver, the entire situation is burned into my mind, as I saw it occur from begining to end.

Once I realized there was nothing i could do after having many experienced friends talk with me briefly, I returned to my rig and put it on as the group I was with (Skydive New Mexico) was on the DC-3 load that was the first plane to leave the ground after the accident. As I landed in the main area, the ambulance was just pulling away.

It was later after talking to a friend that I was informed of where Cliff was from. It really hit me hard finding out that Cliff had spent plenty of time jumping at Hollister. In August, I moved from New Mexico to attend college in San Jose, and I now jump at Hollister.

Seeing so many photos of Cliff hanging around at Hollister, videos of his jumps, and recolelctions of the impact he has had on so many people has made me feel as if i have lost an old friend... despite the fact that i only saw Cliff for a few seconds, which proved to be his last.

Although I did not know you, your death has had an obvious impact on me, Cliff. I can assure you that you will never be forgotten... neither by those who knew you, or those who did not.
It's all fun and until someone loses an eye... then it's just a game to find the eye

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Jason,
I am Cliff's cousin Cindy & I have been trying to see this video you have of Cliff. I logged in got a screen name & password it takes me to the site but there is no way for me to get this video to play. What do I have to do once I'm on skydivingmovies.com & on the actual cliff site there?

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Quote

Jason,
I am Cliff's cousin Cindy & I have been trying to see this video you have of Cliff. I logged in got a screen name & password it takes me to the site but there is no way for me to get this video to play. What do I have to do once I'm on skydivingmovies.com & on the actual cliff site there?



Cindy,

I've sent you a personal message with a link to the video on skydivingmovies that doesn't require you to log in to download it.
Skydiving Fatalities - Cease not to learn 'til thou cease to live

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Hi All,

This is Caterina 'Cathy', Cliff's ex-wife.

My story of Cliff is from long ago, as we were married in '92 and separated by '94, way before he started doing any of this insane shit. Although he did other insane stuff back then!

I fell in love with Cliff the minute I saw him. He had stars shooting out of his head...Ok, I might have been a bit buzzed. We were 19, and at a party, but I really did see them, like fireworks. It was an experience that I will never forget and the only one that I ever had quite that way. We were together for 8 years and they were formative. We became adults together, making the same stupid mistakes we all make. We stuck it out as long as possible, but we started taking each other for granted and it was time to separate.
We did it amicably knowing that both of us were responsible for the way it turned out. He was an argumentative 'fuck' back then and it bummed me out a lot.

We did have a really good time together, we traveled, we skied, we saw the Butthole Surfers, Frank Zappa and many other bands, including our friends the Six and Violence. Men, have been told I have good taste in music and I attribute much of my education in this area to Cliff. During our time together I really fell in love with his family, too, especially Linda, his mother. She was truly an inspiring person who was compassionate and very loving. I loved the rest of them, too.

I was an aspiring choreographer and dancer and through my artistic activities he met the likes of the upstanding Marco (what a degenerate you were, back then!), Bob Berger and Jeff Bock. He got a motorcycle when we separated and then I guess he went down the 'adventurers' path. Wow! I never would have imagined him doing this. But he was a willful man who was not afraid of the reality that the universe had to serve up.

The last time I spoke to him in April, I called him to try to get a copy of our divorce decree, as I was getting married. I shared with him that I was pregnant and he seemed genuinely excited for me and that I was marrying Patrick, someone he's known for about 10 years.

I'm really sad for Jen, who seems to have made the impact I was trying to make 15 years ago. Ah, the impetuous nature of youth! Yay, Jen for giving him the gift of experiencing 'family' and 'children'. I'm having that experience now and I'm glad he got to have it with you.

Someone please set up a grant in his name for sky diving safety. It sounds like he was dedicated to supreme safety in this incredibly beautiful, yet dangerous, sport!

Love to all who had the opportunity to cross paths with him. May your grieving be short and your memories long. Cliff will be remembered by many in many different ways.

Love,
Caterina 'Cathy' Bartha-Daniels

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I feel like I need to defend my use of the word 'argumentative.' When I first posted, it was after about 3 or 4 days of talking to a lot of family members who knew Cliff in a different way than those of us who knew him during his later years or through skydiving. Truth be told, more than once I heard Cliff referred to as a "son-of-a-bitch" by them!

I had many phone conversations with Cliff about his experiences in class. More than once he told me about how he had raised a point in class that went against what the professor was saying. He told me about how he was afraid the voicing of his opinions was going to affect his grade! How he felt he had offended one professor or another by speaking out and sticking to his guns. But he still always felt he HAD to make his point! He was driven to stand by what he believed and this is one more reason that he was drawn to the law.

I'm going to stick to my original choice of argumentative simply because he was! While common usages of this word often carry negative connotations one of the literal meanings of the word is simply, "...arguing or containing arguments suggesting that a certain fact tends toward a certain conclusion." This is what I meant when I attached the word to Cliff. That most of us were able to recognize that he was not mean spirited or meaning to offend speaks highly of who we are and explains why he chose to surround himself with us.

I'll amend it to "unoffensively argumentative," however, for those who might misinterpret my statement and fail to recognize that I would never say a negative thing about this man. I love Cliff more dearly than I ever imagined was possible and our relationship consistently exceeded all expectations I ever had for what a man and a woman could share.

And I'm also going to stick with "fuck" because if someone Cliff was engaging happened to get a litlle riled up well that just made it more fun!

;) Jen
"Live as if you'll die tomorrow, learn as if you'll live forever." -Gandhi

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Jen,

You, of all people, have absolutely no need to defend anything to anyone. We all see different facets of our friends, and I know that if we all drew pictures of his psyche, while they would all resemble one another, they would certainly all look somewhat different.

Once you say "I loved Cliff," everything else is just window dressing.

Here, have some slack....

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My Dearest Jen,
There is no need to explain yourself. As part of Cliff's family "WE" knew what you meant. There was no malice in your words. We all Love (loved) Cliff & always will. You his "True Love" needn't explain anything to anyone who truly knew him. PLEASE keep in touch & be well. I've been thinking about you constantly since meeting you on Sunday. You and the girls will be in my thoughts & prayers.
Love,
Cousin CindyB|

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Cliff, I am so sad to read that you left us...

I have spent so many fun week-end jumping in your company, so many hours discussing with you about the pro and cons of different skydiving equipments or teaching techniques, so many hours talking with and sharing with others our mutual love for skydiving.

And I have never got a chance to thank you for always being available for us, fellow skydivers... from the best way to fill out the student log book to leading us for the sunset tracking dive.

BlueSky Cliff, see you up there.
Gwen

You can't determine the length of your life
- but you can control its height and depth.

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Wow, I remember joining in on track9. I wasn't the best at tracking and never got close to them, but I could still see the smile on Cliff's face for the entire dive.

He gave me my check out dive for my A license. After I completed each of the required manuevers, I was rewarded with a big smile and an OK hand signal. He always made me feel like he had as much fun on each jump we did, no matter how well it went.

His wonderful energy in the air and his educational/agravational discussions will be truly missed.

Sean

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Hi everyone
For all of you who came out to Hollister yesterday a big hug and thank you! Watching the ash dive from the ground was absolutely amazing. I could see the cloud appear and dissipate when he was released. Thank you Adam.

Anybody who has video of the dives made yesterday in Cliff's name, please contact me. I'd like to have copies of what you have for myself and for his brother and sisters too.

Doctor, could I also have a copy of the tribute you made? It was beautiful. It is very hard for me to watch these videos of him alive and I feel his absence again every time I do. But I would like to have copies for that someday everyone keeps telling me about when it wont ache so badly.
Love,
Jen
"Live as if you'll die tomorrow, learn as if you'll live forever." -Gandhi

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I can't get the ACS mailing list to let me send out the email, but some of the pictures that I took yesterday are here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/45847151@N00/
and Mike Wilder has my copy of the video from the jump. If he dubs out, you'll get mine, too.

I'm glad I got to see Cliff at Thanksgiving at Bob and Patti's before he left.
You have my deepest sympathies, Jen. I can't imagine what you must be going through... I'm sorry that we all lost Cliff.

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Nice photos. I'd love a copy of that tribute DVD too, if someone can get it to me.

I wish I could have been there for the ash dive. "Missing Man Formation" is a hell of a way to do that.

Missing Man Formation ... :( Pretty much describes every triumph I'll have now.

Aw man... I'm hitting that "acceptance" thing. But it isn't like what I thought "acceptance" would feel like. "Acceptance" has this connotation of "dealing with it." Not exactly an accurate way to describe this.

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Cliff's ash dive was a very emotional moment for me, it was beautiful and clear sunset.
We climbed out at 16,000ft into a crisp chilly sky and started our last jump with Cliff.
The calm that was on the whole group was amazing, we didn't pull off the best exit out of the king air but everyone flew and we made our slot for Cliff.
We then all turned to Adam and watch Cliff fly free. I can still picture the last moment I saw Cliff hanging as a cloud as we fell away, it will be ingrained in my memory for ever.

I've uploaded a copy of the tribute the Doctor made to www.skydivingmovies.com, it is waiting approval and should be viewable in a day or so. Its called cliff_memorial.avi.

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