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skydiverkeith

Why can't I own a Canadian?

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In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man,
and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a
Canadian)
Blue skies,
Keith Medlock

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This is still good. If anyone watched the show the West Wing, there's a great scene in which Bartlett slams a conservative pundit using several of these lines. (The writer received the email.)
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

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This is still good. If anyone watched the show the West Wing, there's a great scene in which Bartlett slams a conservative pundit using several of these lines. (The writer received the email.)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHaVUjjH3EI&feature=player_embedded

Always fun to re-watch. B|
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

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Why can't I own Canadian? ***

Be glad you can't.... you would never be able to keep your fridge stocked with beer! :P

Roy:D



and the SMELL . . . :S
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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And people go on about the Quran:S


I have a feeling that the same could be done to the Quran , but that would get you killed.:S

The letter had me laughing, but i never heard whether or not we could have a Canadian slave.:D

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You can't own a Canadian because we are the superior race (we do live North of you), and therefore it makes more sense for us to own an American. Which would be pointless because as the superior race we ourselves would also prefer to own a Canadian!! :o:P

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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You can't own a Canadian because we are the superior race (we do live North of you), and therefore it makes more sense for us to own an American. Which would be pointless because as the superior race we ourselves would also prefer to own a Canadian!! :o:P



And owning an American would be like owning a fat yappy dog... the neighbours would be really pissed off with you... make a noise about nothing, eating all of you food and crapping all over your lawn....

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

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Always fun to re-watch. B|



Too bad it hasn't ever been aired on German free TV. But I suppose quality stuff like West Wing is considered a thread to the audience numbers/rates by the powers-that-be of the various channels. Most of 'em prefer airing cheaply produced gemstones like Big Brother or "The Top 25 funniest farts on TV" etc pp it seems... >:(
The sky is not the limit. The ground is.

The Society of Skydiving Ducks

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P.S.: As a German, I could choose slaves from quite a variety of countries, by the way... :ph34r:
And, according to Beavis and Butt-Head, KuhNuhdah is "the big state in the north", IIRC - maybe that's the reason US Americans can't own them? :)

The sky is not the limit. The ground is.

The Society of Skydiving Ducks

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P.S.: As a German, I could choose slaves from quite a variety of countries, by the way... :ph34r:
And, according to Beavis and Butt-Head, KuhNuhdah is "the big state in the north", IIRC - maybe that's the reason US Americans can't own them? :)



Canada - the 51st state . . . I like it . . . then we could share all our healthcare.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Well, don't bother with the French Canadians, they whine a lot, talk about separating and expect special treatment.

a Newfie Canadian would be good, If you like, fishing, hunting, drinking and fighting that's the route to go.

Just make sure ya got real cheap native smokes and plenty of beer in the fridge. :P


"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo

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Well, don't bother with the French Canadians, they whine a lot, talk about separating and expect special treatment.

a Newfie Canadian would be good, If you like, fishing, hunting, drinking and fighting that's the route to go.

Just make sure ya got real cheap native smokes and plenty of beer in the fridge. :P



What about guns . . . lock them up - or leave them out all willy nilly so they have something to play with when I have to go to work?
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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