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JohnRich

Fat people cause global warming

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Story:
Fatties cause global warming

Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production — a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet.

Overweight people are also more likely to drive, adding to environmental damage.

It means an extra BILLION TONNES of CO2 a year is created, according to World Health Organisation estimates of overweight people...
Source: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2387203.ece

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Fatties are good for the environment. 300 pounds of fat constitute a nice little carbon sink. All that fat is composed of C-H chains stored nicely in the gut, thighs and ass. So when that person takes a dirt nap, all that carbon in nicely sequestered irf properly disposed of in a genuine sugar pine piano case.

In a few million years, they become oil that environmentalists can bitch about. We'll have been through some warm periods and a few ice ages. Plate tectonics will have ironically put the remnants of their carcasses in the Middle Eastan and Arabs will be driving their Mercedes-Benz Warp Fliers to and from Venus, where the American infidels have been mining the smelliest substance in the Universe - plutonium. We know it is stinky so much it is abbreviated "PU."


My wife is hotter than your wife.

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The simple answer - mandatory liposuction with the fat rendered and turned into glycerin (for making soap) and biodiesel. We get fuel, the fatties get to eat all the chili cheese fries with extra ketchup they want. I can see no possible downside to this. (Other than your car's exhaust will smell like fat people instead of french fries.)

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All that fat is composed of C-H chains stored nicely in the gut, thighs and ass. So when that person takes a dirt nap, all that carbon in nicely sequestered irf properly disposed of in a genuine sugar pine piano case.



My solution to the auto exhaust problem in cities is to get joggers and bikers to closely follow cars. Their lungs will filter the air for us, and there are certainly enough of both groups in the Denver area to get a good start on the program. I've had joggers hit my car because they think they deserve more of the intersection than I've given them, and I've had bikers yell obscenities at me because they think they have the right-of-way when they don't. So I wouldn't feel too bad for either group getting lung cancer.
Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

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The simple answer - mandatory liposuction with the fat rendered and turned into glycerin (for making soap) and biodiesel. We get fuel, the fatties get to eat all the chili cheese fries with extra ketchup they want. I can see no possible downside to this. (Other than your car's exhaust will smell like fat people instead of french fries.)



Wow, I read a short story when I was younger with this plot ...
"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch

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Fatties are good for the environment. 300 pounds of fat constitute a nice little carbon sink. All that fat is composed of C-H chains stored nicely in the gut, thighs and ass. So when that person takes a dirt nap, all that carbon in nicely sequestered irf properly disposed of in a genuine sugar pine piano case.



This is an interesting point however it doesn't take into consideration the inefficiency of the production of the "animal" in question. Fossil fuel energy input to protein output in the meat production industry ranges from 4:1 to 54:1 with chicken and turkey on the left side of the scale and lamb and beef on the right (grain production is closer to 3:1). In addition, each kilogram of beef produced requires about 100,000 liters of water.
Now considering that that animal that you're "sequestering" has been raised on such an extraordinarily inefficient flow of energy I'm not sure that the potential energy recovered in the form of fossil fuel derived via their decomposition will prove sufficiently adequate to justify the energy necessary for production. Of course, in a few million years I'm sure that the engines will be much more efficient w/r/t output. Of course the shortened lifespan of the aforementioned critter may also need to be factored into the equation. The shortened lifespan would result in reduced consumption which should increase the net value of the resource.
It's a mass balance nightmare that I just won't be able to solve this week.:D

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heeeyyyyyyy now ... just 'cause I'm skinny doesn't mean I can't eat a lot too!!!



As a skinny person you ought to be able to sell some carbon credits to the fatties, and make some money off your slim physique. If they want to eat a cheesecake, they ought to have to pay you something to offset their gluttony. Right?

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Well, I was conceived in a car with an automatic transmission. My parents were unmarried. According to Confucius I was a shiftless bastard.



My God, I've found someone with worse jokes than mine. Teach me!
"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

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