Life without children?

[Conundrum 1]

Someone on another board brought up an interesting topic and I wanted to see what you folks thought.

Some poeple don't ever want children, and it seems that a lot of people think that's selfish. Why I don't know. Why would it be selfish? Because the parents want grandchildren? For some other reason? Opionions? Thoughts?

[Scoop 0]

I don't think its selfish, if a couple don't want children then surely its better they don't raise a child in an environment where this is the case.

Theres certainly enough people around to do a good job of over populating this planet without every couple having multiple children.

[mnealtx 0]

Agreed - some people have the right mindset and maturity to raise children, and some do not.

edit: Didn't mean to imply that people that didn't want children were immature, but that I've seen people that were too immature to be parents - my apologies!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[GTAVercetti 0]

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Agreed - some people have the right mindset and maturity to raise children, and some do not.

The way you phrase this makes it sound as if those who choose to not have children are just immature. You probably did not mean it like that, but that is how it came out when you gave a simply binary option.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[Conundrum 1]

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Agreed - some people have the right mindset and maturity to raise children, and some do not.

So people who just flat out don't want children must be too immature for them?

[mnealtx 0]

Not what I meant at all...my apologies!

I've seen many people that were way too immature to be parents...

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Dolph 0]

Twist that around a bit.

It is selfish to want kids - people don't get them for some altruistic need to share the gift of life. They do it because they want to, driven on by natural urge. In the best of cases, anyway.

One could argue that it is more selfish to risk having someone go through immense suffering as a side effect of one's own desire for something.

It's also possible to argue that people who decide to have kids are too immature to take properly care of them.

And so on...

[GTAVercetti 0]

Yes, I thought, but I am big on clarity today.

And I agree with Dolph. I think some people have children to make THEMSELVES feel like they acomplished something with their lives.

And that is fine if the parents focus on making the child a good person and not solely on making themselves feel good through the child (ie they are mature enough to handle it).

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[Scoop 0]

Thats nothing, In England young girls get pregnant because then they get a flat or house paid for by the local authority. Nice! I suppose thats selfish... you think?

[metalslug 31]

The only context under which it might be selfish is if one partner wanted children and the other did not and one accused the other of being selfish for having an opposing point of view.

To not have children is certainly not selfish towards the would-be children.
On the contrary, it may even be seen as selfish to have children, because people have children to enrich their own life experience.
Parents do not do their would-be children any great favour by "releasing their trapped unborn souls from the pre-natal plane of oblivion" or some such belief.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

If a couple wants children it is neither right nor wrong. If a couple does not want children it is neither right nor wrong. Its a decsion that needs to be made between the couple prior to getting pregnant. Some people do not want children and it doesnt matter their reasons, as long as they take actions to not have them. However couples that decide to have children need to be able to provie on all levels, from emotional to the financial aspects. That being said, there is not a lisence stating someones ability to be a good parent.

Wanting children AND not wanting them is selfish, but that doesnt make it bad. I want children because I am a good mom, I always knew I wanted children, even prior to having a knowledge of myself being a sexual being. Its ingrained in people these desires and lack of desires. Yes its selfish, but its not wrong. I am raising children who will be a productive addition to society.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Rookie120 0]

I didnt want kids for a long time. Because I was in college and stuff and didnt have to money. I dont think it was because of my maturity level. If anything I think it is mature to be cautious to not have any until your ready. I have a friend who flat out doesnt want any kids. He is as mature as they come but his career field would make it so he hardly would ever see them so doesnt want to deal with it. I think it was a smart choice on his part.

If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck!

[lawrocket 3]

Selfish? Hell, I probably had my son because I am selfish. I quit skydiving and gigging and golfing and barhopping because I am selfish - he's more important to me than all of the other stuff.

Some say it's selfish to want your own biological kids when there are othe runwanted kids.

It's all a matter of individual values. Screw 'em.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[downwardspiral 0]

I don't fear much these days. Most people think I'm downright nuts with my laxadazacle (sp?) look at death and danger. However, children scare the shit out of me. What are the benefits to procreating? A legacy? Tax break? Don't judge me....just change my mind because the older I get the bigger deal this becomes.

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[billvon 2,384]

>Most people think I'm downright nuts with my laxadazacle (sp?) look at death and danger.

Off topic, but that's the coolest 'alternate spelling' of a word I've ever seen.

[Plucky 0]

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Its ingrained in people these desires and lack of desires.

Not always, I always imagined I'd be a dad, and looked forward to it, I love my nephew and my two other godchildren to bits. I decided though, that if I were honest about what good it would do to a small group of people emotionally (my family), compared with how much global bad it could add to, affecting many, many people ... it wasn't a hard decision to make.

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Yes its selfish, but its not wrong.

Depends on your idea of 'right' and 'wrong'. To me, it's wrong to add another person (and all their offspring) to this resource-stretched world, especially in the western world, where each person's environmental 'footprint' is huge.

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I am raising children who will be a productive addition to society.

How? My interpretation would be 'productive addition to my country's economy' ? How long will that last when humanity have sucked this world dry?

Yes, more people = more brains = bigger corporations = faster developing technology = potential to fix our mistakes in time, but I'm not losing anything by playing it 'safe'.

- Citizen of the World -

[downwardspiral 0]

If I were an ancient philospher I'd be Laxadazaclese

Ok sorry bad joke. Hehe

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[shropshire 0]

My dad says that I'm selfish for not wanting kids... I call him selfish for spending my inheritance... that tends to shut him up for a while.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[PLFXpert 0]

Without diving into personal detail...

In my case, it's actually quite unselfish in many ways that I do not want children, at least from my perspective.

I could put up a good debate for either side of the coin. Frankly, I just don't care if people view having kids/not having them selfish or not. Though I might argue having a certain # or more is quite selfish....

We'd have to start another thread for that.

And isn't selfish/unselfish all relative anyways?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[Nightingale 0]

I don't think not wanting kids is selfish...

I don't know if this is coincidence or not, but most of the people I know who don't want children had fairly rotten home lives when they were children (not saying this is the norm...just what I've seen personally).

My brother and I have a large extended family (including the folks who've married in, 11 aunts and uncles, 13 cousins, and more extended family than we can really get to know even though we all get together a few times a year anyway, but we'd all do anything for each other. If you're family, you're family. We stick together, and even though we all don't always agree, we all care about each other). All my cousins, and my brother and I, all want kids. We've seen what a wonderful experience a big extended family can be, and we have a desire to share and maintain that experience.

[slug 1]

Hi C

Having kids is a life long commitment.
and some people make the decision to have kids for all the wrong reasons.

If there was a parent test like a driving test I think some people would fail miserably.

We don't have people kids and only regret it 1% of the time. then we have people that we know that have kids who tell us we did the right thing based on their experience.

Please don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
we've seen some folks that are wonderful loving careing parents 24/7. Then we've also seen the opposite.

[mfrese 0]

My wife and I decided (for many personal reasons) that we didn't want children long before we got married. We've both heard the "selfish" comments from time to time, and I can't really understand why people would feel that way...it's our life, our business, STFU, ya know?

One funny thing, though...at least once a year, we go to Idaho to visit her only sister...the one who's married with NINE kids. After spending three or four days there, we get in the car and head back to the airport in Spokane. We're kinda quiet, thinking back over the visit, the kids, the talks we've had with their parents. I usually stop for gas before we get back to the airport, and as I stop and get ready to pump gas, my wife and I spontaneously look at each other and say in unison:

"OH MY GOD! Thank you for not wanting children!"

Doctor I ain't gonna die,
Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash

[Royd 0]

For some of us it just wasn't in the cards, but I'm the coolest uncle in the world/

[PLFXpert 0]

Selfish? Unselfish? I could be viewed as the most selfish woman ever...

I told Billy one month into our relationship I never had the desire to have children and likely never would. He didn't say anything...

After the "I love you" and "I love you, too" I reminded him. This was after four months.

Ten months into our relationship we moved in together. We went out to dinner, and again I asked him. He said this to me, "I've thought about this. Before I met you I never really thought if I wanted children or not. When I met you I knew I'd fall in love. And you were kind enough to alert me of your feelings on children before the actual fact. And I thought to myself about it for the first time. And I'd rather have you in my life, than have children with another woman."

And since then, he's actually expressed the exact same thoughts as me on the subject, which is that we do not have a desire to, but if we did, we'd mostly certainly adopt.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[PLFXpert 0]

Oh yea, just call me "Auntie Carrie".

I'm an only child, mind you. But, I'm "Auntie Carrie' to my friends' kids and they love me. I get to spoil them and teach them bad manners.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.