Think your having a bad day at work?

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Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana
and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest
(he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you think you
have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.
April 1998
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad
day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so
bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened, I must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job.
This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So, what we
do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan,and
I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm
It's like working in a jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a
sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only
made things worse.Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the
hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
This is worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that
hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish
couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish
into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other
divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. It
totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for decompression. I
got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear
were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
shove it "up my ass" when I get
in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two
days because my ass-hole was swollen shut. Anyway the next time you have a
bad day at the office, think of me. Think how much worse your day would be
if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at
the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.
D.Chisolm C-28534
[email protected]

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okay everyone...i ate to rain on your parade but this is urban folklore....saw it on the darwin awards website....they say that the jelly fish would of been chopped up by the impeller blades and such and if he was working at tat depth for the decompresion he would of been wearing a dry suit not a wetsuit......i think it's just a story....but it does make the day go by faster

"if dreams are like movies, then memories are like films about ghosts"-counting crows

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