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JJohnson

Worst thing you ever did to a student???

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Okay, now right up front I'll say that NORMALLY, I'm pretty cool with students. I'll make idle chit-chat and joke with them to put their minds at ease.
However, while at the Byron Boogie 2 years ago I did something to a female tandem student that in hindsight I probably should not have.
CLAY, get your mind outta the gutter it had nothing to do with BOOBIES.:P

I was playing around with sit-flying and was doing a solo out of the skyvan. I was the last person out before the tandems. This girl was quiet and kinda cute, so naturally I was turning on the charm a touch.
When the tailgate opened I could tell it got to her. Like looking out your garage door and seeing no driveway, so to speak.
The mass migration of the lemmings throwing themselves out the door didn't help either. As I proceeded to the open gate, naturally the tandem masters were right on my heels to not get hosed on the spot. As I got to the end of the ramp I turned around, reached out to her and said," Have a good jum....OH MY GOD I'M FALLING!!!!" and threw myself out of the plane backwards.
My last view of her was eyes the size of coffee saucers. At the time I thought it was pretty funny. On the ground she didn't say anything to me, but she looked a little pissed. I feel bad for it now, but I still giggle over it from time to time. I hope her therapy is going well.
Anyone else got a good one?

JJ
JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"

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Last weekend a Tandem was walking up to the gate of the casa (I'm behind them to do video on the next tandem) They turn around on the gate to step out and as she turns and faces me she asks in this cracking voice.. "Are you sure this is safe?" Like the smartass I am I said "No", then I heard Arms in.... ready set ARCH... and away she went:P
Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

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I do sometimes say to the students:

"You should be OK, we haven't lost a student in a week".

Although they know I'm kidding. If I'm feeling mean though, I can tell them about falling off the plane, or first jump student injuries. But I don't do that. Honestly, I like first jump students and I like trying to calm them down.

Gale
I'm drowning...so come inside
Welcome to my...dirty mind

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I know a guy who claims to have done the same thing. He walked up, turned around, and pretended to fall off.

The kicker is, he did it off Half Dome (a 2000' cliff in a famous National Park), back in the 80's, when people jumped there.

Apparently, he got a cheap camera, and asked a tourist to take his picture right at the edge. Then he kept saying "no, wait, let me get a bit closer to the edge..."

Don't know if it's true, but I'd give it at least even money. I'd love to have been standing around watching that day.
-- Tom Aiello

[email protected]
SnakeRiverBASE.com

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:);)My favourite is talking and listening in to my wrist altimeter repeating hello manifest come in manifest then saying to the student check to see if yours is working and they start doing it then they turn to there tandem/aff master with a worried look and say mines not workin i cant hear anything as their tapping and listening to their wrist alti. i find it hysterical just my sick sence of humor
fly baby fly... :):ph34r::D

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okay......I can tell you what my tandem master did to me on my first tandem. We're in the airplane..I'm scared..beg to get off of the plane..he convinces me to ride up and that If I can't do it then I can always ride back down. When the light goes on and everyone starts leaving, I told him there was no way. He said "let's just get to the door, I want you to take three deep breaths and then if you still don't want to go we won't go." So..it's all good...I'm thinking there's no way in hell I'm going. We get to the door and he tells me to take my first deep breath...well.....then he just frikkin jumped out!! I never got to take another breath. I'll love him forever for doing that:)

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Earlier this week I was gearing up a first jump student, and she quite politely asked me to make extra sure her parachute would work. I had already done the pin check on the gear, so I knew it was as safe as I could make it, but she was a cutie, so I abliged, and pretended to take some extra time to ensure that it was fail-safe. Some time later she arrived safely on the ground and came into the packing area where I was packing another rig, and I said "see, I told you it would work." She said "Yeah thanks for taking the extra time to..." I cut her off to inform her, due to a slightly guilty consience, that I really had no idea if her parachute would work or not. She proceeded to give me a healthy sove and an even healthier laugh, so I hope she comes back again so I can check her gear once again. :P

S.E.X. party #1

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "f*#k, what a ride".

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Heyyy these are funny!

So it's my first tandem jump and the Otter is turnin' around at the end of the runway. Across the field there's this small church with a small graveyard next to it. My instructor nudges me, points to it and says "That's where we put all the tandem students who don't arch." Too nervous to laugh at the time but it was funny as hell :)

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Quote

You just have to spend a little extra time on the leg and chest straps......;)



Sigh... who did you have to shag in order to get that coach rating??? :S;)
And five hundred entirely naked women dropped out of the sky on parachutes.
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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Say, didn't they give you a restricted rating or something?
As in: no coaching anything with B or larger boobs or with more than 2 legs:S
And five hundred entirely naked women dropped out of the sky on parachutes.
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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My AFF instructor keeps using this one phrase that gets my attention EVERY TIME. It goes like this:

Instructor: So if you cut away, this ring will still me attached to your harness. Some people have spent the rest of their lives pulling this ring thinking its the reserve handle.

Me: WHAT?

Later its;
Instructor: Some people have spent the rest of their lives trying to decide if this (photo of line over) is a good chute to fly.

and on and on and on. Everything is "Some people..rest of their lives..."

Everytime he does this I would GULP really big. :D

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One of the tandem masters at the dz I work at has a very twisted sense of humor. He'll tell a first time tandem student "If by any chance we become separated in freefall, meet me back at that shed, ok?" The look on their face is priceless. Another time he'll take a roll of tape on the plane and pretend to 'hook-up' the student with it, telling them it's very important to make sure it's securely fastened to their harness. The next time he may tell a student that his wife just left him and he doesn't feel like going on without her. We never know what he'll say next.

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I usually only joke around with tandem students. When inspecting the tandem harness I'll motion for another JM to come over and look at something on the harness and say "Dude do you think this will hold for one more jump?" or..........

"I have not lost a student in weeks......."

"I forgot to take my medication this week, so I took all seven this morning...."

Only when it is not my student ~ "There is a good chance your shoes might come off in freefall so as soon as you exit make sure to reach down and hold them on....."

"Are you sober?" "Good there needs to be one sober person on this skydive to make it legal...."

"Dude my girfriend left me, my dog died, got kicked out of my house, and my car broke down.... ready to go jump? I think i'll pull:P"

(Granted I am professional and I only joke around with some people. The rest of the time it's all business.)

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Ummm, I tell tandems that their instructor only has to do one more tandem (....but only if he gets it right this time....) and he can start doing solos like the rest of us
Ummmm, the worst?:ph34r:
My mate was scared of heights but determined to do a tandem, so about 12 of us went out to the dz to jump.They were last out and she freaked out on on the door, but my dad was the TM and I'd already told him how she 'really wanted to do it'.
So he just laughed at her 'joke' and told her to "hold on" :D(meaning head back cross her arms and enjoy the ride); he and the camera man were laughing so hard they took forever to get out, but in the meantime she had done exactly as he told her, and grabbed onto the bar above the door and a singlepoint restraint.....Oh God it was sooooo bloody priceless. :D:PShe did a really good goldfish impersonation for the first 5 seconds, then opened her eyes, grinned her head off and gave the camera a thumbs up!
She really loved it, thanked me heaps, apologised to my dad and no-one had any idea she'd freaked out....until I put the footage on at our final high school assembly to 1900 students and all of our parents and friends! She still hasn't forgiven me.:D:D
xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

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Actually worst thing I ever did to a student was forget to hook em up before we exited the plane. We seperated right on exit. I tried so hard to catch her in freefall. I got so close, but alas my cypress fired and it was too late...................

They grounded me for the rest of the day before I was allowed to do tandems again. It has only happened twice to me where I lost a student. I am getting better, I swear..........





B|<--------Am I funny or what?

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the only thing that they have done to me so far was on my aff grad jump the jm and the camera guy set somthing up so Adam the jm could puch me out and the camera guy would mess up the exit. I had no clue and kinda wind milled with my hands and just let it happen. Anytime i see him doing a grad jump i try to tell the student "Hey don't him push you out!"
I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

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This is a great conversation! Very funny! On my first tandem when I asked "how long have you been doing this?" My tandem master, knowing his looks added to it, said "Life is great, three weeks ago I was sitting on the side of the road holding a will work for food sign!" I went along with the jump hoping that he was just joking!:)

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