Worst Case Scenario

[clrarch 0]

Today I received the "Worst Case Scenario 2003 Survival Calender" by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht as a birthday gift----a "week by week guide to surviving a year's worth of peril". The third week in October has instructions on "How to Survive if Your Parachute Fails to Open"
I had to share with all of you this really valuable advice!

"1. Signal to a jumping companion that you're having a malfunction. Wave your arms and point to your chute.

2. When your companion (and new best friend) gets to you, hook arms.

3. Once you are hooked together, the two of you will still be falling at terminal velocity, about 130 mph. When your friend opens his chute, there will no way either of you will be able to hold onto one another normally, because the G-forces will triple or quadruple your body weight. To combat this, hook your arms into his chest strap, or through the two sides of the front of his harness, all the way up to your elbows. Then grab hold of your own harness.

4. Open the chute.

5. The chute opening shock will be severe, probably enough to dislocate or break your arms. Your friend must now hold on to you with one arm while steering his canopy (the part of the chute that controls direction and speed).

6. If your friend's canopy is slow and big, you may hit the grass or dirt slowly enough to break only a leg, and your chances of survival are high.

7. If there is a body of water nearby, head for that. Once you hit the water, you will have to tread with just your legs, and hope that your partner is able to pull you out."


I really hope their advice on how to cross a piranha-infested in water is better than their advice on parachute malfunctions. I don't know....think the above should be incorporated into AFF Level 1 training?

[christoofar 0]

That is so laughable.

How many Mr. Bills are successfully pulled off at terminal velocity? 5%?

____________________________________________________________
I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle.

[DJL 232]

Quote

1. Signal to a jumping companion that you're having a malfunction. Wave your arms and point to your chute.

But what if you're jumping at a DZ that uses different hand signals?!?!?!

-Doug

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[DJL 232]

Found the website:

http://www.worstcasescenarios.com/mainpage.htm

And there's MORE:

Quote

How to Prepare.

Check your chute before you jump. The good news is that today’s parachutes are built to open, so even if you make big mistakes packing them, they tend to sort themselves out. The reserve chute, however, must be packed by a certified rigger and must be perfect as it is your last resort. Make sure that:

* The parachute is folded in straight lines—that there are no twists.

* The slider is positioned correctly to keep the parachute from opening too fast.

Crap, my canopy was made in '98. I'm not so sure it was one of these newer ones that was "built to open".

-Doug

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[fool 0]

ok, we all know that it's kind of retarded, but honestly...if I were to have a double mal, I'd probably try to grow feathers and start flapping...it's worth a shot. although I think you'd have a hard time convincing a buddy to cutaway his main and track all the way back across the formation, in the bleak hopes to save your sorry ass, but hey, whatever works...

S.E.X. party #1

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "f*#k, what a ride".

[SBS 0]

How many Mr. Bills are successfully pulled off at terminal velocity? 5%?

------

Um, how many Mr. Bills are attempted at terminal?

-S

_____________
I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness...

[christoofar 0]

Quote

How many Mr. Bills are successfully pulled off at terminal velocity? 5%?

------

Um, how many Mr. Bills are attempted at terminal?

-S

Hmm... new idea:

Wingsuit Flyer Mr. Bill.


Talk amongst yourselves. I'm overklempt!!!

____________________________________________________________
I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle.

[jraf 0]

That was just excellent adivice written obviously by top notch paratroopers from the Albanian Armored Bicycle Brigade. I have a few more points to add. Please feel free to comment:

1. Signal malfunction with both hands and legs as well as by shouting: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!
2. Flap your hands the way birds do with their wings and try to chase the aeroplane
3. Once you have reached the aeroplane, knock on pilots window to signal you are entering. If you don't do so, you may be considered a stowaway and dumped overboard again.
4. If you can not chase plane down, position yourself in a sit fly and fart ferrociously. The created drag should allow for a gentle landing. (Remark: eating beans and chillis before jumping helps)
5. If above does not work clasp your hand together and say" Hail Mary..."
6. REMEMBER: The situation might be hopeless, but it definitely is not serious

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[carbonezone 0]

omg...a good friend of mine gave me the same book after i started skydiving.....she said i wasnt happy with my life unless i was surrounded by Havoc and when i started skydiving she thought i hit rock bottom so hence the book
blues,
tami

[narcimund 0]

Quote

"1. Signal to a jumping companion that you're having a malfunction. Wave your arms and point to your chute.

Ok, so here's the dive plan. We'll exit at 13,000, have 60 seconds to do our RW, then we'll break off at 4,500. Turn and track for 1500, then open by 3,000.

If your parachute isn't open by 1500, turn and wave at the other jumpers, all of which are now 1000 feet above you under parachute while you're still plummeting at terminal. Wave REALLY BIG at them. Hope they happen to be looking at you and understand your signal the first time.

It's now their turn to make a quick decision, cut away, then go into the tightest headdown of their lives, because they have 8 seconds to catch up to you before you impact. Hopefully they can catch up to you, slow down (so they don't shoot past you), then grab on really hard. Hopefully this only took 3 seconds to accomplish, because you're both now at about Cypres altitude and you're going to get a quick reserve ride at twice your normal wing loading.

Once you've landed, we'll debrief, watch the video, and manifest for the next jump.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[jraf 0]

Right on dude! You just forgot to add, that we will stop at the beer barn, get wasted to make the next malfunction more spectacular

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[skybytch 259]

Quote

she said i wasnt happy with my life unless i was surrounded by Havoc and when i started skydiving she thought i hit rock bottom so hence the book

Heh. Little did she know how much further down you actually had left to go before hitting rock bottom!

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

[PhreeZone 15]

>That was just excellent adivice written obviously by top notch paratroopers from the Albanian Armored Bicycle Brigade

The original book sited Joe Jennings as the Author of that piece....

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[jraf 0]

That would make Joe Jennings a paratrooper from the Albanian Aromred Bicycle brigade. You can not escape logic!

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[clrarch 0]

I think you need to start writing for the "Worst Case Scenario" people Ferocious farting would certainly create lift

[clrarch 0]

Quote

>That was just excellent adivice written obviously by top notch paratroopers from the Albanian Armored Bicycle Brigade

The original book sited Joe Jennings as the Author of that piece....

You're right---it sites Joe Jennings "skydiving cinematographer and skydiving coordination specialist, designed, coordinated, and filmed skydiving stunts for numerous television commericals, including Mountain Dew, Pepsi, MTV sports, Coca-Cola and ESPN" in the back of the calender.

This has to be a joke, right? Damn, now how am I going to know if "How to Survive if you are attacked by leeches" will actually work????

[jraf 0]

LMAO. Man, you made my day

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[jraf 0]

Yeah, and the best one (LMAO) is "the parachute has to be folded in straight lines - so there are no twists (LMAO). Were they on acid, or just shrooms (LMAO)

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[clrarch 0]

Now I'm going to have to reconsider balling up my chute and stuffing it into the container....

Shrooms or acid? Nah, has to be crack

[ernokaikkonen 0]

>Once you've landed, we'll debrief, watch the video, and manifest for the
>next jump.

Might be a good idea to look at what caused that pesky little double mal on one of the jumpers. Unless you plan on MrBilling it a second time.
Erno

[AggieDave 6]

Double mal? Fuck, I'm tracking for my rigger or my rigger's car...If I live, he's getting an asswhoop'n...

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[fool 0]

does anybody know about the golden knights thing about 2 weeks ago?

S.E.X. party #1

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "f*#k, what a ride".

[narcimund 0]

My college physics is too long ago and I don't remember how to do this, but maybe someone else does.

Person "A" is traveling at 120mph and is 1000' ahead of person "B" who is traveling at essentially 0mph. Name an acceleration gradient that will allow "B" to catch up to "A" and match speeds with him in exactly 3 seconds.

I'm going to hazard a guess that "B" would have to undergo at least 5 gees of acceleration to accomplish this feat. That's tough to do when the only force you have to work with is gravity.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[TheBile 0]

I think you'd be more likely to survive using a technique shown in The Bourne Identity.
Following your malfunction, signal someone to help you. If by some miracle they reach you before the ground does, grab hold of them, flip them over so that your on top and use them as a human mattress to bounce off once you hit the ground.
If you decide to use this technique, please make sure I'm not the goddam mattress !

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[hagar 0]

(from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day, and try it.
The first part is easy. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.

Clearly, it is the second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prize your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinty, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.

---
PCSS #10