Chicken Soup for the Drinker's Soul

[SpeedRacer 1]

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE DRINKER'S SOUL


Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then
I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I said to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--- Jack Handy


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--- Frank Sinatra


The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're
sober.
--- William Butler Yeats


Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--- Catherine Zandonella


Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--- Anonymous


A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
her.
--- W.C. Fields


What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--- Tee Mans


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--- Henny Youngman


Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all
of the time and have the time of your life.
--- Michelle Mastrolacasa


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--- Tom Waits


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--- Stephen Wright


You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--- Frank Zappa


Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--- Winston Churchill


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--- Benjamin Franklin


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it
makes beer shoot out your nose.
--- Deep Thought, Jack Handy


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but
the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--- Dave Barry


The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--- Humphrey Bogart


Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--- Kaiser Wilhelm


And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then
God
said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much
light."
--- Anonymous


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--- Dean Martin


Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
---Anonymous


To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support group.
--- Anonymous


Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[JumpNFly 0]

hee hee, should be a mandatory sign at every DZ..

The key to walking on water... Is knowing where the rocks are

[QuickDraw 0]

Man...they are more like commandments than quotes.

Gettin thirsty just readin em

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[AggieDave 6]

Liquor is the cause and the solution to all the world's problems.

--unknown

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[SpeedRacer 1]

AggieDave,

That was Homer Simpson, during the episode where they had Prohibition in Springfield!

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[AggieDave 6]

Shit, shit, shit,shit,shit,shit,shit,shit,shit!

I missed it as a Simpson's quote, damnit, I'm slipping.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[wlie 0]

Drinker's chicken soup = Essense of Chicken

Yummy.

My other ride is the relative wind.

[quatorze 1]

>I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--- Frank Sinatra


Sorry dude, that one is one of Dean Martin's also, from the special , "An Evening with the Rat Pack" It's also the one in which he tries to get the audience to believe that he doesn't drink anymore" I just put it in the freezer and eat it like a popsicle"

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[phatcat 0]

Quote

I just put it in the freezer and eat it like a popsicle

You can do that?

[sunshine 2]

Quote

I missed it as a Simpson's quote, damnit, I'm slipping.

I'm so disappointed in you Dave....you will most definately get a spanking in Eloy!!

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[jraf 0]

"Bad beer is worse than Communism" - Adolf Hitler

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[misskriss 0]

*SOTALLY TOBER*

starkle starkle little twink
who the hell you are I think
I'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet
but the drunker I stand here
the longer I get
Just give me one more drink
to fill me cup
'cuz I got all day sober
to Sunday up

[jraf 0]

Yeez Ocifer, Ihh'm tothly so..(hick)..ber. I unly drankhh whone bir!

jraf

Me Jungleman! Me have large Babalui.
Muff #3275

[skybytch 259]

Quote

Yeez Ocifer, Ihh'm tothly so..(hick)..ber. I unly drankhh whone bir!

ROFL!!

That's close to my favorite line - "No shir, Mishter Oshifer, I'se not intossicated!"

[quatorze 1]

no ossifer, I've only had tee martooni's

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[nubain1 0]

Guess it's a good thing I'm drunk right now.Let the debauchery begin.
That's pretty good that I can think of such a big word when I'm drunk.You don't know how many times I had to hit the backspace to write this and make some semblance of sense.THere I go again with the big words.I know I could'nt say them aloud,it's a wonder I can even spell them(sort of).Does any of this make sense or am I more s@#*-faced than I think I am?