French Military History

[flyhi 24]

The Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway.
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War - Tied
-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces French the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution - France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, and Vietnamese
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[Deleted 0]

At least they're not Belgian

[jfields 0]

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At least they're not Belgian

At least the Belgians make good beer.

[aufreefly 0]

ROTFLMFAO

[jlmiracle 7]

I just heard this at work....

"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your accordion."


I thought it was pretty funny.


Judy

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

[flyingferret 0]

FARKers have been predicting the French surrender for some time.

--
All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

[Slink2 0]

Yes, but you have got to love those French trains! (SNCF). They kick ass! Of course, that's another subject.

[Gawain 0]

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Yes, but you have got to love those French trains!

True, and I admire what Renault has done with Nissan.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[steve1 5]

France does turn out some good skydivers though. The ones I met at Perris were a friendly bunch, (some were world 4-way champs at the time). I've heard it isn't much fun being a tourist in France, because Americans aren't well liked, and many other countries are starting to feel the same way, due to our recent military actions.

As far as their military, I've heard that the French Foreign Legion is a hard core bunch. Steve1

[rhino 0]

Isn't French and Military in the same sentence a contradiction in terms?

LOL

Rhino

[Scoby 0]

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True, and I admire what Renault has done with Nissan.

Now if only Renault would see fit to let us drive some of their more extreme examples of Gallic automotive wackiness... The Avantime, perhaps? I would love to have the new Espace.

[Gawain 0]

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True, and I admire what Renault has done with Nissan.

Now if only Renault would see fit to let us drive some of their more extreme examples of Gallic automotive wackiness... The Avantime, perhaps? I would love to have the new Espace.

Peugot has a pretty impressive line up now too. However, I'm still half-hoping for Alfa-Romeo's return to the US market, that is if GM doesn't f**k it up for Fiat.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[Scoby 0]

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Peugot has a pretty impressive line up now too. However, I'm still half-hoping for Alfa-Romeo's return to the US market, that is if GM doesn't f**k it up for Fiat.

Now if only Peugeot or Citroen would actually market WRC reps like Subaru and Mitsubishi, we'd be talking. I would love to have an Alfa 147 GTA... Why must we get such a sad selection of cars here in the states? Is American automotive taste really so vulgar?

[charliezulu 0]

As far as their military, I've heard that the French Foreign Legion is a hard core bunch. Steve1

[hagar 0]

IIRC only about half of the foreign legion is foreigners. The rest sign up as "canadians", "belgians" or "swiss".

---
PCSS #10

[Trent 0]

" OH, you're FRENCH??? I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without your hands over your head!"

Oh, hello again!

[freefallfreak 0]

Mike...at the expense of alienating you, I used your name this morning...we have a guy here that is running for sheriff named Mike Hunt. I was walking through a mall, saw his sign asking for votes, remembered your name too and placed a call to a department store next to a public telephone. I called the store and asked them to page Mike Hunt and I almost died when the girl paged "MikeHunt" over the P.A. system...think about it...and thanks for a great time at the mall...lol.

FFF

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[aufreefly 0]

Believe me, when I get drunk I use it as well
It usually does not work for me though, congrats

On a side note, I was thinking about running for student office and relying on my name to get me elected

Would you vote for someone if their name was Mike Hunt

[DiveLoop 0]

" OH, you're AMERICAN??? I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without your nuclear weapons!"

Dave

[freefallfreak 0]

LOL...you should have seen the looks on people's faces when they realised what they were hearing...I'll admit, it was a cheap thrill, but I had so much fun with it that I think I'm gonna' try it again, just to see if it'll work again.
Have a great day, dude.

FFF

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

"Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up."

[Rebecca 0]

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Would you vote for someone if their name was Mike Hunt

Since your name really IS Michael Hunt, I would definitely vote for you!

(Guy asks Girl) "So, who did you vote for?"

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[Trent 0]

You didn't recognize us? Big group of guys wearing green, Paris, marching around, 1940's? You seemed happy then? Wierd.

But doesn't that open a whole can of worms?

Oh, hello again!

[bobsled92 0]

My Step-Mom(She's French) met my Father when he was in Lyon, FRA working Counter-terrorism. My Dad is now dead (Chem exposure from E.O.D.) and Step-Mom is now sharing her toughts of how WE (U.S.) don't understand and we think OUR life style should be imposed on them. The same person that as to keep steel slats on her windows, 7 floors up sue to North-African immigrants crawling in and knifing people.
>>>>I think France should be a Bar-B-Que Pit after the next War.
The U.S. should just go "self contained", shut down all borders and let the roaches eat sand and Mitsubichis(gotta love the Jap-Zero Co.), stop protecting all other countries and let them get taking by the jackels, then reality would hit.(but, all too late)

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[riggerrob 558]

Why is it that two of my uncles never returned from RCAF missions over France, but I still needed a visa to visit France?
The really scary part was when I had to explain to a French border guard - in french - how to read a visa issued by the French Consulate in Baden-Baden the week before!

[Tonto 1]

t

It's the year of the Pig.