Funny Jokes...

[suz 0]

A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs and his Mum was watching him. The kid had a bag of jelly beans. He put one in his mouth, grabbed the cat and bit it. Then he'd drop down to the next step, put another jelly bean in his mouth, bite the cat again and dropped down to the next step.

His Mum wondered what he was doing, and asked him. "I'm playing truckies - poppin' pills, eating pussy and moving on."

******************************************
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sank to the bottom and stayed there.
Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out. When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he
now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Jim the news, he said "Jim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you
were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am sorry, but she's
dead."
Jim replied, "She's not dead, I put her there to dry."

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

don't do drugs, but the rest sounds good

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[ladyskydiver 0]

A snail walked into a Ferrari dealership, saw a red Ferrari, walked up to the salesman, and said:

Snail: I'd like to buy that red Ferrari.

Salesman: Why would you want a Ferrari?

Snail: 'Cause I'm a little guy and not noticed. With a red Ferrari, I'll be noticed.

Salesman: Ok. Would you like any other options with your Ferrari?

Snail: Yes. I'd like a big white "S" painted on the side of the Ferrari.

Salesman: What does the "S" stand for? And why would you do that? It'd ruin the Ferrari.

Snail: The "S" stands for snail. As to why I'd want it, that way when people see me driving by they will say "Watch that S car go."

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[DYEVOUT 0]

GGRROOOAAANNN !!

Hee Hee

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[suz 0]

I am a golden GOD!

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[bluefingers 0]

For Ali G fans ...

Ali G went to his mate's fancy dress costume party wearing nothing but a girl on his back.

"So what are you supposed to be?" the host asked indignantly.

"I Iz a snail," Ali replied.

The exasperated host asked, "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your
back?"

Ali replied. "Dat Iz Michelle."

Kerry

[suz 0]

BWHAHAHAHA another one! Another one!

Two little kids are in hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid replies "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm little nervous.
"The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and icecream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you in here for?"

The first kid says "A circumcision."

The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[Islandcool 0]

What kind of bees give milk.....


BOO-BEES

So stupid I couldn't resist.

Ed

[GARYC24 3]

what kinda bee doesn't reproduce?

lez bees!