Rebecca 0 #1 April 9, 2003 Got this in an e-mail. LOVE those pilots!!! This guy writes for Sports Illustrated. VERY funny! On a Wing and a Prayer by Rick Reilly Now this message for America's most famous athletes: Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have -- John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity . . . Move to Guam. Change your name. Fake your own death. Whatever you do, do not go. I know. The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach. Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way. Fast. Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting...." Remember?). Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff." Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning. "Bananas," he said. "For the potassium?" I asked. "No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down." The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot - but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, that was it. A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious from the G-forces. Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14. Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80 minutes. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us. We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G-force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me. This is my favorite part . . . And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before. And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that did not even want to be egressed. I went through not one airsick bag, but two. Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down. I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and Freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand. A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighter pilots had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit. What is it? I asked.... "Two Bags." you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 April 9, 2003 That really was a good article, thanks! --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #3 April 9, 2003 You're welcome! An article like this makes you realize exactly why every fighter pilot you meet has an ego the size of Texas. My favorite part is: "If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it." you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelleyadai 0 #4 April 9, 2003 A really good article. Oh my god. You have got to be kidding. This guy is an IDIOT. The guy who wrote article and the steeley eyed pilot as well. How do I know this?? I was a RIO in Squadron 213, when we flew him. (Yes, with a cool callsign too) The cool fighter guys like "Biff" ..you have to be kidding me. The most arrogant, self absorbed excuse for a leader I have ever seen. He destroyed countless of good naval officer's careers (not including mine, but I saw many destroyed). He got a top 5 blue angel select grounded for personal reasons..the list goes on. Oh, did I mention, he wanted to send the first female to Top Gun (who was lazy and incompetent) because he was sleeping with her???? So go ahead, love him and the article, but it is all B***shit.... And oh by the way, the only bigger joke in Aviation is Scott O'Grady being a hero... I think I am done now. It is mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack, not rationality. -Black Mamba Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrHixxx 0 #5 April 9, 2003 I have it on pretty good authority, this particular pilot was a complete idiot. He flies a desk now... -Hixxx death,as men call him, ends what they call men -but beauty is more now than dying’s when Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prepheckt 0 #6 April 9, 2003 Hey great article! So funny! But seriously, if you do get a chance to ride in a fighter, GO!! I got a ride in an F-16, just awesome...a once in a lifetime experience. I swear I could hear the Top Gun theme in my head as we took off..very cool"Dancing Argentine Tango is like doing calculus with your feet." -9 toes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #7 April 9, 2003 Cool, I didn't know all the background. I did enjoy the read, though.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelleyadai 0 #8 April 9, 2003 No biggie, There are a lot of people to love and respect in my community (Fighters)...just so happens, "Biff" isn't one of them. It is mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack, not rationality. -Black Mamba Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #9 April 9, 2003 Damn. Too bad he's a dick. It's still a cool article though. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aero04 0 #10 April 9, 2003 Love the article!! Now just how the hell do you get a ride in a fighter?? I'd probably give my right arm for a chance at that!!! That sounds like it would be as fun as skydiving. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
indyz 1 #11 April 9, 2003 QuoteLove the article!! Now just how the hell do you get a ride in a fighter?? I'd probably give my right arm for a chance at that!!! That sounds like it would be as fun as skydiving. A few thousand dollars and a plane ticket to Russia will get you a flight in a your choice of Russian fighters. I wanna do the Flanker. You get to ride in the front seat, do aerobatics, go supersonic, the whole bit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites