kingbunky 3 #26 August 6, 2003 ZOOT: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart." MB4252 TDS699 killing threads since 2001 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #27 August 6, 2003 "Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" Monty Python Rocks! PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #28 August 6, 2003 Man: Is this the right room for an argument? Other Man:(pause) I've told you once. Man: No you haven't! Other Man: Yes I have. M: When? O: Just now. M: No you didn't! O: Yes I did! M: You didn't! O: I did! M: You didn't! O: I'm telling you, I did! M: You didn't! O: (breaking into the developing argument) Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour? M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes. O: Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did. M: You most certainly did not! O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you! M: Oh no you didn't! O: Oh yes I did! ___ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! \ M: Oh no you didn't! \ O: Oh yes I did! > very fast M: Oh no you didn't! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! / M: No you DIDN'T! / O: Oh yes I did! ___/ M: Oh look, this isn't an argument! (pause) O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! (pause) M: It's just contradiction! O: No it isn't! M: It IS! O: It is NOT! M: You just contradicted me! O: No I didn't! M: You DID! O: No no no! M: You did just then! O: Nonsense! M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!! (pause) O: No it isn't! M: Yes it is! (pause) I came here for a good argument! O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an *argument*! M: An argument isn't just contradiction. O: Well! it CAN be! M: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statement intended to establish a proposition. O: No it isn't! M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction. O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position! M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't". O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it isn't! O: Yes it is! M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says. O: It is NOT! M: It is! O: Not at all! M: It is! >DING!< The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops. O: Thank you, that's it. M: (stunned) What? O: That's it. Good morning. M: But I was just getting interested! O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up. M: That was never five minutes!! O: I'm afraid it was. M: (leading on) No it wasn't..... (pause) O: (dirty look) I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more. M: WHAT?? O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes. M: But that was never five minutes just now! (pause... the Other Man raises his eyebrows) Oh Come on! Oh this is... This is ridiculous! O: I told you... I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY! M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are. O: Thank you. M: (clears throat) Well... O: Well WHAT? M: That was never five minutes just now. O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid! M: Well I just paid! O: No you didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: I DID!!! O: YOU didn't! M: (unable to talk straight he's so mad) I don't want to argue about it! O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay! M: Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH! Gotcha! O: (pause) No you haven't! M: Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid. O: Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #29 August 6, 2003 The Holy Grail, Scene 2: Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER: Here's one. CART MASTER: Ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: What? CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not! CART MASTER: He isn't? CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against Regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. CART MASTER: I can't take him. DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour. CART MASTER: I can't. CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round? CART MASTER: Thursday. DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do? DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy. [whop] CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crapflinger2000 1 #30 August 6, 2003 Best skit is "The Bishop".... buncha priests wreaking havoc in a muscle car.... that or that whole episode long skit of Michael Palin riding his bike into Eastern Europe __________________________________________________ What would Vic Mackey do? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #31 August 6, 2003 Every sperm is sacred every sperm is great If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irateStupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #32 August 6, 2003 How now, Great Poof ? Wish we could get somebody from the Silly Party to run for governor here in California.... She turned me into a newt! A newt ? Well, I got better. Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #33 August 6, 2003 Back in college I printed the entire script to the Holy Grail and posted it outside my door. I remember coming back from class (the few times I went) and a drunk dude was standing there in the hall reciting the whole thing as loud as he could.... Some things in life are bad, They can really make you mad, Other things just make you swear and curse, When you're chewing your life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle, And this'll help things turn out for the best, And..... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the light side of life. [whistling] If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the right side of life, [whistling] For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, [whistling] Just before you draw your terminal breath. [whistling] Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the right side of life. [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling]Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #34 August 6, 2003 QuoteHOW NOT TO BE SEEN Cut to a wide-angle shot of hedgerows, fields and trees. VOICE OVER: (J.C.) In this picture there are forty people. None of them can be seen. In this film we hope to show you how not to be seen. Caption on screen: 'HM GOVERNMENT, PUBLIC SERVICE FILM NO. 42 PARA 6. "HOW NOT TO BE SEEN"’ VOICE OVER: In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road London SE5. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Bradshaw will you stand up please In the distance Mr Bradshaw stands up. There is a loud gunshot as Mr Bradshaw is shot in the stomach. He crumples to the ground VOICE OVER: This demonstrates the value of not being seen. Cut to another location - an empty area of scrubland VOICE OVER: In this picture we cannot see Mrs. B.J. Smegma of 13, The Crescent, Belmont. Mrs Smegma will you stand up please. To the right of the area Mrs Smegma stands up. A gunshot rings out, and Mrs. Smegma leaps into the air, and falls to the ground dead. Cut to another area, however this time there is a bush in the middle VOICE OVER: This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbitt would you stand up please. (after a pause - nothing happens) Mr Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover. The bush explodes and we hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene with three bushes VOICE OVER: Mr. E.V. Lambert of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Oswestry, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out. The left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, and then finally the middle bush explodes. There is a muffled scream. VOICE OVER: Yes it was the middle one. Cut to a shot of a farmland area with a water butt, a wall, a pile of leaves, a bushy tree, a parked car, and lots of bushes in the distance VOICE OVER: Mr Ken Andrews, of Leighton Road, Slough has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the car, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel. The water barrel just blows up in a huge explosion. Cut to a panning shot from the beach huts to beach across the sea VOICE OVER: Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Ivy Cottage, Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were. The camera pans around and stops on a obvious looking hut, which blows up. Cut to a house with a Gumby standing out front VOICE OVER: And here is the neighbour (he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to a shack in the desert) Here is where he lived (shack blows up - cut to a building) And this is where Lord Langdon lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). so did the gentleman who lived here....(shot of a house - it blows up) and here.....(another building blows up) and of course here.....(a series of various atom and hydrogen bomb explosions.) ____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #35 August 6, 2003 QuoteMan: Is this the right room for an argument? My favorite also. never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio 0 #36 August 6, 2003 So um did someone forget the SPAM ?? Man: You sit here, dear. Wife: All right. Man: Morning! Waitress: Morning! Man: Well, what've you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it. Wife: I don't want ANY spam! Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage? Wife: THAT'S got spam in it! Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it? Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...) Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam. Wife: I don't like spam! Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam! Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words) Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast! Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool! bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scoby 0 #37 August 7, 2003 Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy. It's divine to own a dick, From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick. So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas. Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake, Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, Your Percy, or your cock. You can wrap it up in ribbons. You can slip it in your sock, But don't take it out in public, Or they will stick you in the dock, And you won't come back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #38 August 7, 2003 most of the stuff you lot are quoting is Python movies stuff What about The Flying Circus I like traffic lights I like traffic lights But only when they're greenYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #39 August 7, 2003 Anyone up for some fish slapping dances ? Oh, intercourse the bloody penguin! Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SadSue 0 #40 August 7, 2003 AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH Hope you don't get Banned! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
