0
eml

still scared after all these years

Recommended Posts

Ok, I've been jumping for 10 years. got 450 of them. when I was a 100 jump wonder, my fear pretty much subsided. I was very relaxed in freefall and learning some good RW. But now it seems to be getting worse. A lot of time I;m just plain scared shitless. I do a lot of solo's because I'm so nervous I can't remember the points to turn. I sometimes almost have a panic attack on the ride up. then there are times I'll drive all the way to the dz, sit in the parking lot for an hour, then leave because it just doesn't feel right. What happened to this being second nature to me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You may not be jumping enough. Were you jumping more frequently in the beginning? I get a little anxiety after a long lay off and I have a few more jumps than you. I have a friend with 350 who hasn't jumped in 2 or 3 years and he is terrified to come back.

Blue skies,

Jim

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe try doing like 10 jumps over a weekend and see how you feel. I noticed in the summer, when I was doing 5-10jumps a week that I was more confident. Now that I jump irregular I feel more nervous. Skydiving is not a natural human thing to do so you have to train your self.

Just my 2 cents

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Ok, I've been jumping for 10 years. got 450 of them. when I was a 100 jump wonder, my fear pretty much subsided. I was very relaxed in freefall and learning some good RW. But now it seems to be getting worse. A lot of time I;m just plain scared shitless. I do a lot of solo's because I'm so nervous I can't remember the points to turn. I sometimes almost have a panic attack on the ride up. then there are times I'll drive all the way to the dz, sit in the parking lot for an hour, then leave because it just doesn't feel right. What happened to this being second nature to me?



Hell man... skydiving isn't for everyone. Yes, it's scary shit. Yes you should be nervous to a degree. Yes, complacency kills. But if you are on the verge of having panic attacks when you jump, well the fact of the matter is... if you panic in a malfunction situation you are probably going to die. You have to be able to keep your wits about you. Skydiving is supposed to be fun. It sounds like you aren't having fun. Perhaps it's time to hang up the altimeter and move on. I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear. And I'm hear to tell you we as a skydiving community we don't want to lose you. But personally, I don't want to see you die either. Just something to consider.

Gary "Superfletch" Fletcher
D-26145; USPA Coach, IAD/I, AFF/I
Videographer/Photographer

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Question: Is this something that just happened overnight between two jumps, or are there other factors at play?
Did you take a (long) break, or were you unfortunate enought o witness an incident? Did something in your private life change?

Whatever the reason, I sincwerely hope you'll be able to have fun again.
"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
450 jumps in 10 years isn't a lot. I don't have a good yearly average either and the last few years have been even less because of family and a dz closing. But I went through some times like your having about where you are at. You get to the point of the fun and enjoyment being offset by the knowledge of all the shit that can go wrong and a realization of the consequences. Maybe you now have known someone who died skydiving. Certainly you've read about alot more incidents.

But, it does go away again. At least for me. In MI winter layoff is often 6 months or more. But the first one of the year is just about like the last one of the year.

If you want to keep going hang in there. If your not getting much out of it, maybe it's not worth it.
I'm old for my age.
Terry Urban
D-8631
FAA DPRE

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

I sometimes almost have a panic attack on the ride up. then there are times I'll drive all the way to the dz, sit in the parking lot for an hour, then leave because it just doesn't feel right.



My question - which doesn't require an answer on here is; "What other things are going on in your world that causes you to sit in the parking lot for an hour driving yourself into a whirlwind of panic _about_ skydiving?" Are you thinking about how much skydiving causes fear or the _other_ things going on in your world? I know that when I have a significant number of other external stressors, skydiving can sometimes add to them... then, there's other times that making just one skydive tends to prioritize the important from the unimportant and actually reduces those external stressors and I get jazzed up about getting more jumps in for the day.
Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
to be honest my opinion is to give a solid effort to get very current and see if it improves. if not you should consider the fact that your fear is putting you and other jumper in harms way. even if your doing solos when jumpers are as pegged out as you are describing i gaurentee your not adequatly looking around for other canopys while flying yours. in this state of fear you tend to have tunnel vision looking only straight ahead and your audible senses and general awarness are strongly diminished.
theres no shame in thinking about taking a break or leaving skydiving. its not for everyone, but any jumper continually on the verge of panick attacks and too scared to jump with others really has no buisness skydiving. remember its not just you that can be hurt or killed up there.
im sorry your in this situation. it must be very frustrating, but ask yourself this. in your current state of fear, are you really truly enjoyiong your jumps? cuz this sport is too dangerous to do unless your having the time of your life.
>

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What you have is MOA-Manifestation of Apprehension. It can be caused by a significant event, or not. How do you feel if you ever have to cutaway? Have you cutaway? Some people work through MOA, some people don't. Saw it quite a bit when I was in pilot training.



"I promise, I will never die."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gemeni makes a really good point. Your frequency averages less that 1 jump per week (and I know you have not jumped every week). That could be a strong contributore. But, how much attention have you paid to the emotion. I ask because often anxiety can be confused as fear. I must say that after 16 years ib the sport, I often experience a slight anxiety. It does not really occur until close to jump run and not on every jump. More often when pressured for higher performance, et cetera. But, I also belive this helps to keep me alert.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

I ask because often anxiety can be confused as fear. .



Better described by Paul Foxman as anxiety being a fear of fear. Anxiety is more common than people think, I lived with a severe form of it for many years resulting from a few experiences Id rather not talk about. I can very much relate to instances such as sitting in a car at the dz then leaving, for reasons unknown. The "not feeling right" (anxiety) is what happens when you feel fear, and don't know exactly why. Naturally you will come to associate certain things with these feelings and will seek avoidance to prevent anxiety. Some fears you will recognize as irrational, but are unable to do anything about them, other peoples lack of understanding of this makes the situation worse. I experienced this and also found myself always bound by continuous negative what-if thinking/projecting which contributed to the anxiety. It is a terrible thing. I think your situation probably has very little to do with skydiving and is far more complicated than you may realize. Fear is normal, but anxiety is not. It is however learned, and those learned feelings can be replaced with time and professional assistance. You may think that professional help sounds excessive, but if the anxiety is strong enough to prevent you from doing what you like, it is probably effecting many aspects of your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
After 15 years, I am still nervous prior to every jump. Mostly because I have three people with me at all times. My passenger (tandem), myself, and my life long friend murphy. My advice is to channel your apprehension or fear to knowing you have completely prepared yourself for the jump. Your equipment has been checked, rechecked, and rechecked, You know all of your procedures EP, and mentally you are fairly confident that you can think clearly under pressure. unfortunately over confidence has killed in the past but underconfidence might be a close second.
BLue Sky's

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I think at a minumum, you should try to get at least 100 a yr. That is not that much, but it should make you a bit more comfy out there. Jumping is like anything else in life, if you want to get good you have to practice. In your case if you want to feel more comfy in the air you have to be in the air. Hope it works out, and remember life ain't that serious so don't think yourself into giving up or leaving the dz because it doesn't feel right most all of us felt that way at one time skydivng is not a normal act.
don't try your bullshit with me!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Congradulations, your denial is going away. If you think I'm wrong about being afraid, really afraid, then go up in the airplane, open the door, and jump out without a parachute, cause thats what could happen if it goes wrong. All the bullshitters in this sport don't get that point and only get scared shitless when it goes wrong cause they desperatly cling to a persona of "alpha" "nothing will happen to me" "I'm such a together person." People like you and I know it could everytime and thats a real shit sandwich part of life, and we all get a bite. Educate yourself, train your ass off, only jump with outfits and pilots and planes you trust. Surrender the rest, and go back and uncover the deeper reason you do this stuff, and kick some ass like the warrior you know you are deep inside. Just a bit more honest now. It takes more courage to do something without denial, more love if your doing it to help others.
Those stuck in maya, seek to be seen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Whenever asked if I still get scared I tell people "after a 100 jumps you earn the right to say your moderately apprehensive."

It used to amaze me how I could drive 80mph to get to the DZ because I was so excited to get there and then be too afraid to jump. I could fill a book with all the reasons I've come up with to not jump once I got there. And I even believed most of them.

I'd usually find a way to blame it on other people. "Damn DZO, I don't want to support them" or "there's no one I feel comfortable jumping with today". And my ever popular, if there is the slightest problem with the plane "screw this, I'm not jumping from that piece of shit". Truth is, I was a victim to my own anxiety, still am in alot of ways.

This has been going on for over 28 years. In this time, I've ran the DZ, trained many students, did tandems for over 10 years and AFF for more years than that. The only time I've ever really noticed an affect in freefall was if I jumped by myself. I will do it, but a long solo freefall is not fun for me. People think I'm joking when I say "I'm scared to jump by myself there's nothing to do but look at my altimeter." In fact, this is my first public discussion of it.

Once I leave the plane and have something to focus on I have no problem. I have demonstrated the ability to react under pressure both skydiving and flying.

I originally suspected it to be just irrational fear so I utilized some rational emotive behavior therapy techniques. Non skydiviers would assume a fear of dying would be a rational belief but as many of us know it can be very annoying when we live to skydive.

If I'm not focusing on a student on jump run there are certain other things I often have to focus on.

A psychiatrist friend suggested I have "quiet" panic attacks in many areas of my life. There was a drug that appeared to help but I try to avoid those options. I believe it is quite common, just not personally explored and talked about.

The single biggest factor to address anxiety has been mentioned here on nearly every post "currency". It's a crazy circle, the anxiety slows your jumping and not jumping feeds the anxiety.

Early on I got involved with 4-way RW. I had a commitment to others (3 others I knew and trusted) to be there, and dirt dive visualization gave me something to focus on during climb to altitude. I'm now considering learning head down. (I've been saying that for years.) But it involves alot of freefall time by myself but if I can get past that and focus on techniques I think it can be rewarding. Besides, there's nothing like watching a fat, balding, over 50 guy trying to learn something new.

There's always a challenge available in skydiving, it's just more fun when it doesn't involve just getting on the plane.

RobH

It was a scary day when logic and maturity crept into my life, it damn near ruined my skydive.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Besides, there's nothing like watching a fat, balding, over 50 guy trying to learn something new.


Oh, I don't know. How about a 57 year old grandma trying to get her feet out on that little bitty step? :$

Quote

I will do it, but a long solo freefall is not fun for me. People think I'm joking when I say "I'm scared to jump by myself there's nothing to do but look at my altimeter."


If the weather ever stays decent on weekends around here so I can get to that point, I think I know who to talk to.
"safety first... and What the hell.....
safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy

POPS #10490

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

Besides, there's nothing like watching a fat, balding, over 50 guy trying to learn something new.


Oh, I don't know. How about a 57 year old grandma trying to get her feet out on that little bitty step? :$

Quote

I will do it, but a long solo freefall is not fun for me. People think I'm joking when I say "I'm scared to jump by myself there's nothing to do but look at my altimeter."


If the weather ever stays decent on weekends around here so I can get to that point, I think I know who to talk to.


YOU GO GIRL!! You are an inspiration to me.

RobH

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Reply To
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Reply To
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Besides, there's nothing like watching a fat, balding, over 50 guy trying to learn something new.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, I don't know. How about a 57 year old grandma trying to get her feet out on that little bitty step?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Reply To
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will do it, but a long solo freefall is not fun for me. People think I'm joking when I say "I'm scared to jump by myself there's nothing to do but look at my altimeter."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the weather ever stays decent on weekends around here so I can get to that point, I think I know who to talk to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU GO GIRL!! You are an inspiration to me.



Thanks.B| Learning new stuff is good, right? ;) Well, I went to the DZ today and couldn't jump because of the uppers being too strong, so I asked to learn how to pack. About 4 hours later, I had managed to get that great big slippery canopy into that little bitty bag three times with the second and third times pretty much on my own. But while I wasn't looking when I was getting ready to do it the third time, some how, the canopy and lines got all jumbled up and twisted. I heard something along the lines of "'a little like you bring them in" Well, I did it, but I know now I sure owe someone for having to straighten out and pack the mess I've been bringing in. I've got to figure out a way to bring it in in better shape:$:$Anyway, for a day when I couldn't jump, it was still a great day. :)
"safety first... and What the hell.....
safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy

POPS #10490

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fear is normal in this situation. Just know that there is nothing you can do once you leave the plane. So you might as well enjoy. Panic is definitely the last thing you want to have in a bad situation.

Fear is good. It lets you know you are still alive. Dont stop jumping that gives into the fear. You are better than that right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

I've got to figure out a way to bring it in in better shape:$:$Anyway, for a day when I couldn't jump, it was still a great day. :)



if your not doing it already this might help

http://www.dropzone.com/classifieds/images/ad_classifieds/8/33888-largest_Base%252520Rig.jpg

see how the lines are wrapped? I have no idea what its called but if u see someone at ur dz doing it you can ask them to show u its not hard.

i got screamed at before xmas for not doing it after my 2nd jump i was just like "no1 told me or showed me to do it sorry" but it does make things MUCH easier

sorry for ot and ye i still get scared but then im still on static line :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, it's probably not as much of a mess as I am imagining it is since I do daisy chain the lines, but, by the time I have wrangled 260 sq ft of canopy back to the building, I know it probably has shifted around a little. Well, except for the time I had to wrestle it in the wind first. That one was probably not too great. :$

"safety first... and What the hell.....
safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy

POPS #10490

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think packing yesterday made a big differnce in my ability to handle the parachute after my jump today. I figured out that I needed to deflate it better. Duh!!! I did that and getting it back to the building was no problem today. B|

"safety first... and What the hell.....
safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy

POPS #10490

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

0