Student freak'n out!

[laughn_gas 0]

Hello all! My DZ closes for the winter, so it's been a long wait..... It's finally open again and have been waiting to jump again. I'm currently on my level 6.
Last Nov. was my last jump, and it did not go very well. I guess my rig did not fit well and I had an unstable pull. Everything went fine except that it really freaked me out. I felt restricted in my harness, at pull time, I had a hard time reaching back, and had to kick my left leg out to get my hand back to the hackey. That's when I decided to wait until Spring to continue.......
It has been such a long winter. Reading these forums and watching vids on skydivingmovies.com got me through it all. I've been so excited about nice weather coming our way.
I've been to the DZ twice now, and have left due to FEAR!!!!! F'n straight up frightened. I've been looking forward to jumping all winter, drive an hour each way, and have left....... I'm usually not the type of person that runs away from his fears, but I guess that does not apply in this case.
I know that there is not much advice that you can give me, except to just jump and get it over with. What I would like to know is, have you seen this before? Are there any words of encouragement out there for me? I think about jumping all the time and it's something that I really want for myself. But as soon as I pull into the parking lot, fear just surrounds me and takes over...... The way I left the sport last season really bothers me. I'm also posting this to admit my fear and hopefully I'll be able to accept it and move on..........Right now I'm just a basket case over the whole thing. I was out there this morning 100% ready to jump...... Now I find myself sitting at home pissed off at myself, and very ashamed...........

See ya in a minute. Peace out!

[lippy 771]

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But as soon as I pull into the parking lot, fear just surrounds me and takes over......

Maybe park in the street and walk into the DZ?

I got nuthin

[airtwardo 6]

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Now I find myself sitting at home pissed off at myself, and very ashamed...........

First, you have nothing to be ashamed about.
It's a freaking sport and it's supposed to be FUN!

You had a bad expierence, you've analized and figured out what went sideways...

Ya got two choices, overcome it and get back to jumping.
DON'T overcome it, and do something else.

Either way, it's nothing to kick yourself in the ass about!

Take the pressure off yourself, go to the DZ with NO intention of jumping, just to hang out and watch.

Pick up the actual vibe again, then YOU decide if it's something you want to continue to pursue.

If it is, push the fear back someplace and get on with it.

If not...so what, it's not a mandatory requirement anyway!

You've let your 'failure' become something it's not.

Try looking at it as a learning experience and a success...after all you ARE still upright and taking nourishment!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[AS1 0]

Sounds familiar to me.
16 years ago I was on my 13th jump, 5 sec delay, round canopy, having gone through S/L system. A few months since 12th jump. Got to altitude, looked out, bit hazy, bottled it, landed in plane.
On the ground got chewed out by JM. Total bollocking. I thought f**k this, I'm not in the army I'm a paying customer and left feeling totally unsupported.
It took me FIFTTEN YEARS to get around to my next jump. My only regret is that I lost all this time to a sport I love through understandable feelings of fear and an arsehole JM. (I did loads of other fun stuff in the meanwhile though)
You only live once.

[GrabGrass 0]

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I was out there this morning 100% ready to jump......

***

Well, maybe not 100%!

~ "Pack Fast, Pull Low... and Date Your Riggers WIFE!" ~

[kelpdiver 2]

after a break, that first step out the door is almost as hard as the one for jump 1. But once out, you'll probably wonder what your mind was thinking all this time.

good luck!

[LloydDobbler 2]

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Ya got two choices, overcome it and get back to jumping.
DON'T overcome it, and do something else.

Either way, it's nothing to kick yourself in the ass about!

Take the pressure off yourself, go to the DZ with NO intention of jumping, just to hang out and watch.

Pick up the actual vibe again, then YOU decide if it's something you want to continue to pursue.

If it is, push the fear back someplace and get on with it.

If not...so what, it's not a mandatory requirement anyway!

'twardo, as usual, speaking loads of wisdom. LG, you'd be wise to listen to him.

I just wanted to second what he said - it's supposed to be fun. Don't beat yourself up about it. I think going to the DZ to hang out would be a great idea - the lifestyle and ambiance being such a big part of the sport, it'll definitely give you something to focus on besides the fear.

It's really interesting, the pressure we put on ourselves. Fear is a totally natural part of the process - and it's something that you'll have to come to terms with, if you keep doing this (Brian Germain's book, "Transcending Fear," is a good palce to start, BTW).

Ready for the analogy? A'ight then: my g/f has been taking the--shall we say--"scenic route" through AFF, due to some health issues, changing DZ's, and getting un-current associated with both of those events. Along the way she's had a hard pull, an off-site landing (bad spot), and an unstable deployment - all of which gave her pause. She's always been SO scared when going to the DZ, up until she's finally out the door - and yet in spite of knowing she'll be scared, she really wants to go jump. I've told her that if she wants to do this, she has to do it for her - not because of any expectations she thinks others are putting on her, not for me, not for any other reason than she wants to. And she has wanted to - she's just been scared.

Today, she called me as she was planning to go to the DZ to do her AFF-6, and told me that she dreamed about skydiving last night, and it actually made her feel peaceful, instead of nervous, as it always has before. That feeling carried on into today - work has been stressful, but just the thought of being in the air now calms her down. We talked about it more, and I eventually realized that her fear seems to be giving way to something else (very important): confidence. After 10 jumps and about 30 minutes in the wind tunnel, she's finally coming to trust her own abilities - whether it's to get out of a funky situation, or just to fly well. Confidence is key.

(And this is in spite of my seeing her fly in the tunnel and realizing how much better she is than I was at that jump level. She has every reason to be confident in her abilities...but that's the thing. I guess we all get to that point in our own time. It cannot, and should not, be rushed. Took me a while, and there are still times when I'm a little freaked out by the whole thing. Of course, I'm still relatively new to this myself...)(. I think, for the most part, confidence comes with experienc). That first time you kick out of line twists, before it happens, they seem a little daunting. After it happens, they're not such a fear anymore.

So I guess it might help to isolate - what are you afraid of? Then you can figure out what you need to do to prepare to conquer that fear. Something going wrong, and you not being able to handle it? - Practice your EP's. Then practice 'em again. Going unstable during the dive? Level 6 is usually about getting unstable, anyway (depending where you are - talk to your instructors), so you'd best be ready for that. If you want to trust your flying capabilities more, go spend some time in a tunnel.

Fear is natural with this sport. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's all about figuring out what cocktail of techniques will allow you to best conquer it, until you get to the point that you trust yourself to handle anything that's thrown at you. (And even then, that toolbox of techniques will come in handy, from time to time...).

Best of luck,

KC

Signatures are the new black.

[Andy9o8 0]

During my student days, a few times I'd pull into the DZ parking lot, sneak off behind a hangar, and barf. Then I'd be good for the rest of the weekend.
We all go through it. You'll be fine.

[SethInMI 145]

Your post made me laugh, because I did the same thing once in my student progression. Drove 45 min to the DZ, got out of the car, walked into one door in the building and walked out the other, back in the car, and back home.

I was going to do a 10 sec delay in the S/L progression, and the thought of "what could go wrong" was a bit too much.

In addition to the suggestion to go and hang out w/o jumping, I would say talk an instructor about your fear. If you do go back to jump, you could agree to call him/her and have them expect you.

Seth

It's flare not flair, brakes not breaks, bridle not bridal, "could NOT care less" not "could care less".

[brabzzz 0]

Hehe, I actually miss the fear of the early jumps...you know...when they open the door, the cold air rushes in and you go white as a sheet. Then you walk back in with a giant ear to ear grin, eagerly looking forward to repeating the ordeal again in two hours!

It helps to rationalise away the fear. The gear is fine...you see hundreds and thousands of jumps being made around you. It works. The plane works. You've seen it. You can land it, 'cos you've done it before. What are you scared of? Pretty much nothing, it's irrational - though perfectly natural! Good luck.

---------------------------------------
Ex-University of Bristol Skydiving Club
www.skydivebristoluni.com

[chetaziah 0]

Have you tried hitting up a wind tunnel so you can get the feel of falling under control? It's not cheap, but it will give you the confidence you might be looking for. I malfunctioned on my first jump. Slider up and stuck, tandem, guy with 2300 jumps on my back was freaking out. I kept saying "fix it", he kepy saying " I'm cutting away", we finally fixed it at 2000ft and stayed with our main. Long story short, I went back the next week and viola...big and square. no fear = stupid student! You can do it brother!!! Your fear is your freind, just don't let it cripple you...

There's three types of people in this world...those who can do math and those who can't!

[jee 0]

OK man.....I've been exactly where you are. On my level 4 last July I reached back for the hacky and reached again and reached again and could not find it and then I was on my back. I had no choice but to deploy my reserve. OUCH! I can not count the number of times I drove to the dropzone but did not even make it to the parking lot or how many times when i did muster the courage to get out of the car, go up to altitude, took one look out the door and said no way and rode the plane back down.
if you made it to level 6 you can do it. the worst part is the part you are stuck at. The best advice i can give you is just go do it! being scared is completely normal. just think of that feeling after you are out the door, and then on the ground. not too bad is it? in fact it's awesome.
some type of meditation may help also. i don't mean the freaky kind of meditation but just concentrate on your breathing to clear your mind. i have over 100 jumps now but even now i still have to convince myself that the hacky is there and i can reach it. plus all of the other things that run through my mind that could go wrong.
If it will help, PM me or email me and i will give you my phone number so you can talk to me. i will tell you all about it and also how great it feels to overcome such a monster. There is no reason to feel ashamed.
Oh...and also...if anybody tells you they're not afraid there is either something wrong with them or they are BSing you. You are a human. You're not supposed to be jumping from a plane. It's called self preservation.

[chrismgtis 0]

You decided not to jump due to fear?

Don't be ashamed. No jumper I've ever met is going to blame you or think badly of you for that.

Jump when you feel comfortable. I found out early that this is an activity you have to find your comfort zone in and once you figure out how to make yourself relax it gets a lot easier.

Rodriguez Brother #1614, Muff Brother #4033
Jumped: Twin Otter, Cessna 182, CASA, Helicopter, Caravan

[quadit 0]

Thanks brabzzz! That's it!! That's what I go through right now! I never can explain what I'm feeling right now at my level to people and that''s it! So that "sheet white" does eventually fade to a biege?

[ltdiver 3]

You're not alone.

In fact, check out one of our BOD members and her rough start to our sport. Click on her link in her bio entitled "To Scared to Jump".

http://makeithappen.com/wis/bios/meyerjan.html

ltdiver

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[RedBaron 0]

Hey Gas...

I know what you are feeling, and I've seen it around me and even felt a bit uneasy myself at times...

I can remember friends meeting me at the DZ on a day that we'd planned to jump. I was all excited, and ready to go, and they said "I'm not feeling it today" or something of the sort. Then, simply decided not to jump.

There is NOTHING wrong with this. If you are comfortable - JUMP! If not - be honest with yourself, and don't do anything you are not ready for and committed to.

I recently had TWO hard landings. One - I believe was because of a lack of proper training) which I'll address in another thread in this forum soon, and the other was simply because of conditions. Unfortunately, they happened ONE AFTER THE OTHER! After the first one, I REALLY had to reach down and WANT to overcome any mental obstacles to jumping. I was SO DETERMINED to go back and get it right...I wanted it badly. I went back to the DZ to jump the next time (last week), and had the second hard landing - which was caused by a freak gust during final...which slammed me into the ground, and wrenched me backward far beyong the "full arch" position. It hurt - BAD.

As I've thought about it this past week (and this weekend during which I was roadracing motorcycles, and facing other fears), I've re-committed to myself, and the sport. I WILL NOT LET ONE - OR EVEN TWO - INCIDENTS SCARE ME OFF. These things are going to happen occassionally, and that's part of the sport. In road racing motorcycles, I've crashed 8 times in the last 5 years - 3 at over 100 mph. Believe me when I say, you really need to do a reality (and gut) check when you get back on the bike for the first time - with those around you going just as fast and aggressively as they did BEFORE you crashed.

What you do in life has a lot to do with the CONFIDENCE level you have at different activities or pursuits. That's natural, and most humans will generally choose a "comfortable" path. That said, just remember this...people often make decisions in life for 2 reasons.

1,) Desire for gain.

2.) Fear of loss.

The natural human instinct is to "protect what you have" which is the focus of those making decisions based on Fear Of Loss. BUT - true fulfillment can often come from gaining a new "something" in life. New experiences, new feelings, new CONFIDENCE (that's the main one). Forget material possessions, and all of that. These are the things (feelings / accomplishments) that will truly change the way you look at yourself, and the way you live your life.

Gas, only YOU know what is right for you. If you take the advice given earlier, and decide not to jump - nobody will ever criticise you. BUT, if you DO muster the courage that you must in order to jump, you will once again have that feeling of overcoming something that will build a HUGE sense of accomplishment. This is a win on it's own, but as it permeates into all facets of your life (personal confidence, etc.)...it only gets better.

I hope you do what's right for you!

Red Baron
www.kneeriders.com

[tonka 2]

Theres no reason to think being scared is out of the ordinary and you should not jump because of it. If you stick with it your fear will turn into something else and thinking of jumping will give you butterflies and make you smile!

What strikes me as odd is that you say the harness did not fit you correctly. I work at a DZ and we dont send a student or a person with one of our rigs unless it fits correctly. Have you been trained to see if a rig fits you properly? This is a very important factor because I have seen several occasions where people with new or borrowed eqiupment dont check to see if it fits properly and had to go to their reserve or had a hard time finding the handle.

Other problems may also occur under canopy from a rig that does not fit properly or is not adjusted properly so dont jump unless you are sure that the harness fits! Talk to your JM(s) before the dive about the gear and see what they have to say after they check out how it fits you.

If the rig fits properly you may have dropped a shoulder causing an unstable body position. Not only should you do practice touches on the ground, you should do them in a fully arched position with a JM watching you to make sure you are doing it correctly. Sounds to me like you may have dropped a shoulder by the way you say you had to use your left leg to regain stability and to reach the handle. Remember that your arms are what moves when you pull and not your body. Basically you may have turned your whole upper body to the right as you reached to pull and not just your arms.

Talk to your JM about what happened because im sure he/she saw exacly what happened and should be able to help you. If the JM didnt see what happened then where the hell were they at pull time?
Dont let this incident bother you. Remember that the most important part of the dive is to pull and that is what you did. Good job and keep jumping!

[popsjumper 2]

Airtwardo is the man! good advice.

If it helps, I'll add my little story:
1977 rounds, belly reserves, capewells.

EPs so complicated (in my mind) that every jump puckered up my ass tighter and tighter...to the point that I eventually just bellied up and quit...too much fear, not enough fun.

Came back years later when the new/different EPs were so much simpler for me.

If anybody gives you any serious crap for not continuing, tell them to FO. No skydiver worth his salt will do that.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Fullonmother 0]

Hello mate - I am a beginner also. After 20 jumps - my legs were physically shaking with fear as we climbed to altitude. I had expected that after 5-10 jumps would go away forever and the adrenalin would turn to exhileration. If you have a lay off for a while the fear returns. I had a bad level and fell out of control for 3,000 ft - my next jump was another bottle job. I managed to overcome it - and as soon as you have overcome this next jump - it will be one hell of a lot easier on the next one. The worst bit I found was climbing to altitude - once out the door it's fine. Maybe the best thing you can do is go back a couple of levels and even repeat if necessary with one instructor holding on - practise pulls - do as many as you can - got to keep the head up and maintain the arch. It's a test for you in your life this one...

But you have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of when you have done it.

Good luck - I will watch this post for a success story.

The Mother

[HillerMyLife 0]

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What you do in life has a lot to do with the CONFIDENCE level you have at different activities or pursuits. That's natural, and most humans will generally choose a "comfortable" path. That said, just remember this...people often make decisions in life for 2 reasons.

1,) Desire for gain.

2.) Fear of loss.

The natural human instinct is to "protect what you have" which is the focus of those making decisions based on Fear Of Loss. ]

Very poignant advice and spot on. I can only speak for myself but I still deal with issues related to fear and jumping. (The rest is directed at the OP) Lately my personal challenge has been the fear of losing my rig in freefall. Several times over the last 10-20 jumps I have popped out of a nice sitfly(Which is JUST starting to form) to "check" if my rig is still on. These are solo jumps btw.. I know it sounds strange but sometimes I can't feel it and I get overwhelmed by fear. Do I check my gear?? Yes, 3 times prior to a jump. Do I get it checked?? You bet your sweet ass I do. Still sometimes the fear is there.

I hope that by sharing my personal experience I'm not further pushing you away from this awesome sport. I am merely trying to show you that you are not alone and that fear can manifest itself in MANY ways. How or whether you overcome it is really all that matters to you and your personal decisions on how you live YOUR life.

Someday Never Comes

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[Slacker1100xx 0]

This is a great post. I know it's from a while back, but it's new to me. I am going through the same thing right now. A few weeks ago, I went to do my AFF 4 at skydive Atlanta (Thomaston, GA). I was supposed to jump with one of their best instructors, Gary. Gary is a great guy and is an encyclopedia of knowledge. We spent the previous couple of weeks briefing the jump, but were weathered out.

It seemed I was getting more and more nervous with each jump. Level 1 was ok, level 2 was a little scarier. On level 3, I starting sweating really bad around 10,000ft, but I made the jump ok (although my arch sucked!!).

Level 4 was another matter. Once again, at about 10,000ft, I started sweating like I was in a sauna (it was 40 degrees outside). As soon as my goggles touched my face, they fogged up. When the door opened, I watched a group of 6 jump (FALL) out and I just looked away; I had no desire to move one inch towards that door. Gary said, "Are you ready to skydive" and I said 'NO!!!'. He sent the tandem out and then started talking to me about it. The pilot asked if I needed a go around and I said I couldn't do it.

Landing was the worst part. The door opened up with a line ready to board. I got all sorts of looks as Gary and I left the aircraft and I took the "Walk of Shame". I couldn't remember ever being that embarassed and I got the heck out of Dodge. An hour and a half later, I was still shaking.

It's been about a month now and I have started bowling. I told everybody that if I had a panic attack doing that, I better start knitting in a dark room. I keep watching the videos and dream of jumping once I pay some bills off, but it's a mental battle right now. I feel I've let myself down and I'm very disappointed in myself. The responses to this post have been great and I hope to take the steps to conquering this feer and joining the rest of you in the sky.

[JohnDeere 0]

Take airtwardo's advice. Go to DZ with no intension of jumping and see how you feel. Watch other students jump, maybe you will remember what you are missing. Or maybe not , but it wont hirt to sit around for a day and find out.

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[blackout 0]

Kind of been putting off a jump also since my 14th jump entailed minor line twists, still scary and definitely reminds you of the risks. Just bought gear too so im waiting for my rigger to get that squared away with cypres and what not.

Still kinda more scared for the next jump though

between new gear and the twists on the last jump


Its normal

[MomDaBomb 0]

I can so relate! During the 1st jump course we were told to take a lunch break. Well, I sat in my car and cried the entire break! Later that day I did my 1st jump and I had a few line twists. Which scared me at first but when I thought about it later I was glad it happened. Now I don't have the fear of getting one so much. I'm glad my 1st jump wasn't perfect. I have to remind myself that the only way past fear is go right through it.

[grannyinthesky 0]

Yep, line twists for me first jump, too. I looked up and there they were. No panic, just did what I had been taught. It was nice to know I could react like I was supposed to.

"safety first... and What the hell.....
safety second, Too!!! " ~~jmy

POPS #10490