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skydivingchad

I didn't get my wife anything for x-mas

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For 2 months now I have been telling my wife I was not getting her anything for x-mas. She had no problem with that until x-mas day. It came out that I should have at least gotten her a card or did something special. Why? I told her not to get me anything either but she did any ways. She started by saying she was only getting me a few gag gifts, $50 max then it turned out she spent $500 on me. So now she is mad at me and there is nothing I can do about it. A lady she works with even called the house and left a message to make me feel bad.
ba-humbug


Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
Pelt Head #3

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You are a bad husband. Why in the world would you not even get her a card? You had better figure out a way to dig yourself out of this one. Maybe a weekend get away, just the two of you.
Good luck getting out of the dog house on this one.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

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Dude, you obviously have yet to break the code.

"Don't get me anything for Christmas/birthday/other special event days"

means

"I don't expect anything, but I'd love to have you surprise me."

Yeah, yeah. Love isn't about gifts, but it doesn't hurt to make at least a minimal effort.
Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

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Ok, so I don't get it. I told my husband to NOT get me ANYTHING for Christmas. I further told him that I was NOT going to get him ANYTHING for Christmas. So we didn't. Saved a fortune, no feelings hurt. I thought that good communication started with honesty. There is another thread about going currently about communication in a marriage,,, it isn't all up to the male. Show her this and tell her she's failing womankind everywhere by making up some bulls&*( rules. And sharing her disappointment with a co-worker who then calls??!! Man, she owes you a night on the town.!!!
skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com

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Show her this and tell her she's failing womankind everywhere by making up some bulls&*( rules.



Well, don't include me in that. I am on her side. Even if no presents were to be exchanged, I feel you should have done something to make her feel special. Even if it was just a card telling her how much you love and appreicate her. Some flowers or dinner would also be nice. While these are not gifts, i'm sure they'd be appreciated. And, why wouldn't you want to make her feel special on xmas? You owe big, man!

Angela.



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For 2 months now I have been telling my wife I was not getting her anything for x-mas. She had no problem with that until x-mas day. It came out that I should have at least gotten her a card or did something special. Why? I told her not to get me anything either but she did any ways. She started by saying she was only getting me a few gag gifts, $50 max then it turned out she spent $500 on me. So now she is mad at me and there is nothing I can do about it. A lady she works with even called the house and left a message to make me feel bad.
ba-humbug



It doesn't sound as though it was mutually agreed upon not to buy each other gifts. If you knew she was getting you something, then maybe you should have gotten her a little something. My husband and I also agreed we weren't buying for each other. It's gotten so that we buy what we want, when we want it. There isn't a lot to buy for each other anymore. However...........I did get him a very small gift, knowing I would not receive one in return. I think your wife should not have expected anything, unless... she didn't think you really weren't going to get her something. As for sharing with the lady she works with, that's not right.:( The lady who called should not have interferred. Next time, try to make it more clear or mutually agree.

J


--------------------------------------
Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

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I'm Skydivingchad's wife. Before you folks fly off the handle at me, which a couple have, please read Chad's post again. I NEVER assumed he would get me anything for Christmas, I don't give a flying rat's ass about stuff. If I need something, I buy it. He chose not to buy anything because of financial constraints. I was fine with that, but I never agreed to do the same (we have separate bank accounts, something we both wanted from the start, easier on the household budget).

I never expected a gift, and he knew that. However, this is our first married Christmas. I would have been happy with a backrub, with a cheezy card, with him offering to cook Christmas dinner, or one of a zillion other things that would cost absolutely nothing but still be special for us. I didn't even get a 'Merry Christmas' from him, you'd never know it was Christmas the way he acted.

I'm not even mad at him, just really hurt that he didn't care enough to spend five minutes of his time to do anything to make our first Christmas together even remotely special. Though I have to admit, the Christmas of ought three will probably go down in our little personal relationship history :-)

Jen


Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
Pelt Head #3

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dude, ummm you don't understand woman very well now do you?!?!?! :S:S:S:S:S

remember, diamonds will fix any problem. leaky toilet you haven't fixed in 2 months? buy her diamonds, she'll forget. Need to cut the grass? lost the swingset in the backyard? have no fear, a diamond necklace will do the trick? lacking in bed... well don't know if diamonds will fix that, but if it's big enough..................................
<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist!

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Forget diamonds. A good tongue lashing goes a lot further B|



Oh! But diamonds last longer.



But that healthy glow and light beads of sweat from a good tongue lashing is sooooo much more, um, fulfilling. ;)

On his general attitude at Christmas....Not cool, UNLESS he's not a Christian. (Never saw that one asked or volunteered in this thread.)
It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

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Uh Boy! You really screwed up! All I will say is that "Hell hath no fury like the wrath of a woman!" I feel for you dude! Your gonna have some long nights, she will probably have allot of headaches. God help you!
--------
To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.

--Nevil Shute, Slide Rule

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Mrs. Chad, I gotta add my .02...

Regardless of whether or not you see it as a gift, Chad may have seen a card or a wee something along those lines as a gift. And I promise you, a backrub - unless it's foreplay - is not something that will come up on a young man's radar. Nor is cooking dinner for you.

It's more like: Chad said "I'm not able to celebrate Christmas, and I feel like shit, but money's tight. I'm just going to forget the whole day; this year, Christmas didn't come"...and you said "I know $$ is tight, but I've got some, and it is our special first Christmas, so I'll get him something. It's not the gift, anyway, but the thought. Besides, he can't forget it's Christmas. No-one can"....

Look, it's really hard being broke most of the time, but at Christmas, it's nearly impossible to get through. I'm there right now. I gave what I could to those I love, and spent what little I had to do so. I got some major gifts in return - and I feel like shit, because I could'nt reciprocate. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but not really.

Chad may be having difficulty with the whole thing because he meant it literally (he's a guy), while we women see things much more figuratively. As difficult as it is for me to not be able to give those I love the things I would like, I can only imagine how hard a decision it was for him.

I also think it was not really cool for your co-worker to call and be mean to him. We all need places to vent, and people to talk to, but it's my opinion she was waaaaaay out of line calling him and giving him a hard time.

The only issue here is about communication. This teaches you about him: he is very literal. He will do exactly what he says he will do, and if you want the edges blurred a bit, then talk to him about how to blur the edges. That way, you will both be satisfied with the outcome, and you will both know what to expect. And that way, neither one of you will end up hurt.

And, Merry Christmas from Chad!

Ciels-
Michele


~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

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Snowwhite thank you. Honesty is the most important part of any relationship. If my wife takes the time to tell me not to get her anything for Christmas I am going to want to know why. Then I am going to make sure I understand her correctly. If she is surprised later because I got her nothing, then that is her fault not mine.


Honest open communication is everything in a marriage. Respect me enough to tell me how you really feel. I will respect you enough to do the same. No guessing games. It only ends up with more hurt feelings on both sides.

In all honesty I would never allow her to not let me get her anything. I want to spoil her every moment I am alive so that when I am gone she knows that she fullfilled my life better than anyone ever could have.

That said, if she is adamant and has a seriously good reason, then I might consider not getting her anything. But I know her well enough that if I followed through she would not be upset.

And she certainly would not allow someone outside our marriage to come in and blast me. She protects me and I her from that kind of embarrassment.

If your spouse does not respect you and protect your heart why would the rest of the world?

The Spouse - your first line of defense against the world's assholes;)

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Mrs. Chad again here. All my co workers knew was that I didn't get anything for Christmas. They know I adore him and him me and asked what he got me for Christmas. All I said was 'nothing'. That was the extent of the conversation. When they started into Chad, I walked away. I don't go for that kind of thing either. The phone call was made without my knowledge (my number is posted at the front desk for all to see in case of emergency).

Jen

PS. I'm a tomboy and don't do jewelry. Diamonds get a man nowhere with me. Now Black & Decker or Craftsman, that is the way to my heart!!


Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
Pelt Head #3

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Hmmm . . . I posted before I read your post or maybe I just did not read it very well[:/].

You are right, just because he did not buy soemthing does not mean he could not give a gift of self. Everything you mentioned is valid and I apologize if I came off harsh on you. What I said about communication still holds though.

And for future reference, give him a list of things ha CAN give you.

For Example:

My Christmas list

1.) Massage.
2.) Home Cooked Dinner.
3.) Hand made card.
4.) Tender kisses.
5.) Breakfast in bed

and the best gift of all

6.) Hot Christmas Morning Sex

I hate to say it but most of us learn from our father's how to treat women without our father's saying a word. And sadly most of them, including my dad, miss the mark here. Help us along by not expecting us to read minds. It makes things go smoother and just because you had to tell us does NOT mean it is less significant. Most of the time we just do not know because we have never been taught. Name one thing you know without being taught, ladies.

Oh wait you're women, you know everything!:P

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