Someone make me laugh...please

[AggieDave 6]

The weather sucks, but I'm fixing to leave for the DZ anyways, but I seriously doubt we'll jump today...so, I'm kinda pissy and bummed.

Anyone have a good joke?

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[elfanie 0]

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."

Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

--------------------------------------------
Elfanie
My Skydiving Page
Fly Safe - Soft Landings

[jeremyneas 0]

What did the guy say to the house when it fell on him?


Get off me homes.

[jeremyneas 0]

Did you see that new pirate movie?


It's rated, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[sunshine 2]

Call Wingnut if you want a joke.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[Blahr 0]

You should be ashamed of yourself

[turtlespeed 212]

I'll do what Ican - here . . .

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[jeremyneas 0]

Horse walks into a bar, bartender goes "Hey, what's with the long face?"

[elfanie 0]

String goes into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "We don't serve strings in this bar...get out of here."

String goes out to the street and finds a passerby and asks the passerby, "would you please tie a knot me in right about my middle so I can tease up the top of me and make it fluffy?" The passer does it, and the string back-brushes and fluffs up his top.

He then returns to the bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Heeeyyy....aren't you that string that was just in here?"

String replies, "Nope...I'm afraid not."

(say it out loud)

--------------------------------------------
Elfanie
My Skydiving Page
Fly Safe - Soft Landings

[elfanie 0]

Mahatma Gandhi, as everyone knows, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!)
... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

--------------------------------------------
Elfanie
My Skydiving Page
Fly Safe - Soft Landings

[bch7773 0]

ok in advance, this joke is not the best i've heard, but the others are too dirty for the internet.

three guys decide they want to be in the guiness book of world records. one of them is really tall, so he decides to go for the tallest man catagory. so he sends in his dimensions and waits.
the second guy is really fat, so he decides to go for the fattest man catagory. so he sends in his dimensions and waits.
the third guy is a midget, and he knows he has a really tiny dick, so he decides to try for the smallest penis catagory. he too sends in his dick's dimensions and waits.
so the next day, they all get a letter from guiness. The tall guy opens his and says "wahoo i'm the tallest man in the world".
the fat guy opens his and says "wahoo i'm the fattest guy in the world". so the midget is getting all excited, and he thinks that he might win too. so he opens his letter, looks disapointed, and says "who the hell is aggiedave?"

MB 3528, RB 1182

[n2skdvn 0]

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He notices a horse behind the bar and decides to ignore it. While enjoying his drink he notices a large jar of money on top of the bar. Curious he asks the bartender, "hey, what's this jar of money for?" The bartender replies, "whoever makes that horse laugh can have that jar of money". " Mind if I try?" the man asks. "Sure go ahead" the bartender says. So the man walks aroud the bar and whispers something in the horses ear. The horse busted out laughing and the man walks over, picks up the jar of money and leaves. A couple of weeks later the man returns to find a new jar on the bar. "What's this jar of money for?" the man asked. "For anyone who can get that horse to stop laughing", the bartender replies. So the man walks aroud the bar stands in front of the horse for a minute. The horse immediately goes silent. The man turns, picks up the money and heads for the door. "Wait!" says the bartender. "I have to know what you've done to make that horse laugh so long, and then suddenly stop". "Well the first time I told him my d**k was bigger than his", he said. "Okay, so how did you stop him?" he asked. "I showed him!" the man replied.

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[sdgregory 0]

LMFAO!

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

"who the hell is aggiedave?"

Oh comon dave that had to make you laugh. . .

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[sdgregory 0]

I'm afraid not! ROFLMAO!

What can I say I like the korny ones.

[jeremyneas 0]

Guy walks into a bar and notices a horse standing in the back with a pot of money in front of it.

Guy asks the bartender about the scene. Bartencer goes "Well if put a dollar in the pot, say or do something to make the horse laugh and you get the whole pot of money"

Guy walks back, but a dollar in, does something or other to the horse, and the horse starts laughing its ass off, hoof on the piano, just dyin laughing.

2 months later, same bar, same horse, same pot of cash. Guys says to the bartender "What now?"

Bartender goes "Same deal, but you have to make the horse cry."

"Easy enough" Guy walks back, does somethin or other to the horse, and the horse starts crying and whimperin, just plain miserable.

The guy starts walkin out with his new pot a money, when the bartender stops him. "Fess up, What did you do?"

The guy looked at him and said "It was easy, first time i told him my dick was bigger than his, the second time, I show'd him!"

[sunshine 2]

Quote

who the hell is aggiedave?"
------------------------------------------------------
Oh comon dave that had to make you laugh.

Who cares if Dave laughed...i did and it's all about me!!

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[sdgregory 0]

Quote

Quote

"who the hell is aggiedave?"

Oh comon dave that had to make you laugh. . .

Made me laugh

[PhillyKev 0]

Quote

the others are too dirty for the internet

You obviously don't get on the internet very much.

[murphyka 0]

Who needs a laugh when you can go to the Chicken have a few beers and some Tijuana Fries and play some bones to pass the time!

Gig 'em Dave!

(At least you're not stuck behind your desk on your birthday!)

Blue Skies!!!
Kimmy

[PhillyKev 0]

Quote

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He notices a horse behind the bar and decides to ignore it. ....................

That's weird...I hadn't heard this in years, and was going to type it, then you go and post it.

[n2skdvn 0]

Here's a good fark for you This guy has been arrested 804 times.

also look at his mugshot gallery.

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[PhillyKev 0]

It gets weirder....jeremy put up the same damn joke.

[n2skdvn 0]

yea i noticed that too...

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[jeremyneas 0]

dude, that is wierd...and that was my best one...lol