Stumpy 284 #1 January 8, 2004 I hope these haven't been posted before.... but i have just been trying to stifle laughter at work so thought I would share! Never ceasing to amaze..... As you probably already know, the Darwin awards are awarded annually for the most extreme act of (occasionally terminal) stupidity -- they are now in for 2003. RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. RUNNER-UP A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. RUNNER-UP A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?) RUNNER-UP A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, Mother-Stickers--This is a F***-up! For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f**-up!" RUNNER-UP Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas The whole event was caught on videotape. RUNNER-UP As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. RUNNER-UP Kentucky Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. DARWIN WINNER, 2003. When his 38-calibre Revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 January 8, 2004 You know, ever since the Darwin Awards had put the 12 that died in Bonfire up for an "award" I've given a big rusty fuck about the Darwin Awards. The only reason they took it down is that so many Aggies e-mail (some even threatened lawsuit) that it crashed their mail server. Something like 10,000 messages from about that many Aggies in only a few hours. The Darwin Awards can go fuck themselves for all I care! --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #3 January 8, 2004 In which case dave, I didn't realise there was such a case involved and I wouldn't have posted it Apologies - It just made me laughNever try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ron 10 #4 January 8, 2004 QuoteYou know, ever since the Darwin Awards had put the 12 that died in Bonfire up for an "award" did they do something really stupid? Everyone of these folks had friends and family. You know the saying "Its funny when it happens to someone else" Stumpy you did nothing wrong in posting it."No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #5 January 8, 2004 Quotedid they do something really stupid? Nope. QuoteEveryone of these folks had friends and family. And that's what I realized that day, thus I really feel for the families of the folks here. QuoteStumpy you did nothing wrong in posting it. You're right, there, although I sorely disagree, he has the right and ability to post it. Just as I have the right do disagree.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
falxori 0 #6 January 8, 2004 QuoteYou know the saying "Its funny when it happens to someone else" i think most of us have done things that with a little less luck would put us on that list. i would draw the line when its stupid criminals, i feel ok laughing about them... "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #7 January 8, 2004 Taken from the Darwin Awards website: Quote Self-censorship almost happened with the Texas Bonfire tragedy in 1999. Mutilation threats, tear-stained pictures of deceased students, anger and woe poured into my mailbox. One particularly vivid writer described using a rusty spoon to scoop out my testicles. (Emphasis added) Was this you Dave? C'mon admit it... it sounds like you. The Darwin Awards have slipped! They are supposed to be for people who remove themselves from the gene pool through monumental acts of stupidity. All the runners up you mention survived thus are ineligible. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
falxori 0 #8 January 8, 2004 QuoteIn which case dave i guess this is the one (but i'm not sure) http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/527163.stm "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #9 January 8, 2004 yea, i belive that was kinda tasteless. I had a cousin that was attending at that time, but he wasnt there when I happened. the old Darwin Awards were much better, like back and 98 and 99. Stuff like: guy sits in front of microwave antenna and cooks himself, even after being told its dangerous. Guy pees off of high voltage lines and get electrocuted. thats stupid. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #10 January 8, 2004 QuoteAll the runners up you mention survived thus are ineligible. I thought this after I posted it however the one that made me chuckle most was the bank robber mixing his words up...Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #11 January 8, 2004 Yeah, that's it. If you're really curious, do a search here and you'll find some of my postings about it.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,936 #12 January 8, 2004 Seems like everything I heard about Aggies is true.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #13 January 8, 2004 QuoteSeems like everything I heard about Aggies is true That's harsh, I was going to ask you about it in a PM, but since you don't accept PMs, I'll post here. So, you're making fun of the Aggies since we lost 12 people when Bonfire collapsed? That's high-class. What respect I had for you and you position as a physic professor, is now gone. If you'd really like, someday I'll tell you about Scott West. I'll tell you what his crushed skull looked like when we found him that afternoon in the logs. I'll tell you how his body looked and what the logs around him looked like soaked in his blood. I'll tell you about what kind of person he was and the things he was able to accomplish in his life. You'll hear about how die hard of an Aggie he was and how much he and his father loved Bonfire. He father would come out to Bonfire Cut (driving from Houston) to down logs with his son and his son's Corps of Cadets outfit, my outfit, C-2.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,936 #14 January 8, 2004 QuoteQuoteSeems like everything I heard about Aggies is true That's harsh, I was going to ask you about it in a PM, but since you don't accept PMs, I'll post here. So, you're making fun of the Aggies since we lost 12 people when Bonfire collapsed? That's high-class. What respect I had for you and you position as a physic professor, is now gone. If you'd really like, someday I'll tell you about Scott West. I'll tell you what his crushed skull looked like when we found him that afternoon in the logs. I'll tell you how his body looked and what the logs around him looked like soaked in his blood. I'll tell you about what kind of person he was and the things he was able to accomplish in his life. You'll hear about how die hard of an Aggie he was and how much he and his father loved Bonfire. He father would come out to Bonfire Cut (driving from Houston) to down logs with his son and his son's Corps of Cadets outfit, my outfit, C-2. I'm not harsh. Gravity and poor engineering combined with stupidity is harsh. I really see little difference between this event and many others that have been posted as "Darwin" awards.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #15 January 8, 2004 I can not even express the amount of anger and pain you're causing me, so I'm going to walk away and try to forget your comments so if we ever meet, I can be nice.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #16 January 8, 2004 QuoteI can not even express the amount of anger and pain you're causing me, so I'm going to walk away and try to forget your comments so if we ever meet, I can be nice. Good for you, and nobody says, you ever have to be nice, "Forgive, but never forget" I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #17 January 8, 2004 I have always considered your thinking as warped - thank you for proving me right. BTW - The Aggie Bonfire has been a tradition since 1908 - long before your time - the only year beside 2001 that we didn't have bonfire was the year Kennedy was shot - Out of respect.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,936 #18 January 8, 2004 QuoteI can not even express the amount of anger and pain you're causing me, so I'm going to walk away and try to forget your comments so if we ever meet, I can be nice. Fact is, every event listed as a Darwin award winner caused hurt and pain to someone. It's easy to laugh at them when they're total strangers. The "Bonfire" was a stupid and poorly executed event, you are just too close to it to be objective. You don't like it when your ox is the one being gored.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,936 #19 January 8, 2004 QuoteI have always considered your thinking as warped - thank you for proving me right. . The outcome proved Bonfire to be ill conceived and poorly executed. The number of years it had been a tradition is immaterial.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #20 January 8, 2004 The bonfire incident did not get a darwin award. It was nominated but did not qualify. According to the people who judge the Darwins their decision was not to give it an award or even an honourable mention as they did not feal the deceaseds actions were stupid. They state their conclusion was nothing to do with the ammount of lobbying done by Aggieland folk but on an objective review of the event. (I do not know what happend in the "bonfire incident" Im just relating what is on the Darwin website). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #21 January 8, 2004 QuoteFact is, every event listed as a Darwin award winner caused hurt and pain to someone. It's easy to laugh at them when they're total strangers. The "Bonfire" was a stupid and poorly executed event, you are just too close to it to be objective. Your correct, but does that make your statements any less cold and callous, when you, I and everyone knows how close Dave was to one of the victims? Granted we laugh at the Darwin awards, but I like to think that if someone here was close to one of the people in the award list we would be a little more polite, (not sympathetic) but polite instead of throwing salt on a fresh wound. But maybe we view others feelings differently I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #22 January 8, 2004 QuoteThe outcome proved Bonfire to be ill conceived and poorly executed. The number of years it had been a tradition is immaterial. But the people attending the bonfire had every reason to believe it was structurally sound and safe. They didn't do this to themselves. It was a series of failures that caused the collapse, much like skydiving fatalities, it wasn't a single stupid act. It's a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, not doing something immensely stupid that results in your own death which is what the Darwin award is about. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bmcd308 0 #23 January 8, 2004 Report on the bonfire collapse http://www.theeagle.com/bonfire/storyarchive/may2000/Final.pdf ---------------------------------- www.jumpelvis.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #24 January 8, 2004 QuoteQuoteI have always considered your thinking as warped - thank you for proving me right. . The outcome proved Bonfire to be ill conceived and poorly executed. The number of years it had been a tradition is immaterial. The bonfire and it's traditions were not ill concieved. The engineering of the structure was flawed, and there was a chain reaction of events that led up to it's collapse. The tradition, however, was strong, and promoted pride, and self esteem to those that participated in it. Insulting the principle and the ideas behind the bonfire and what it stood for is childish and immature, as well as having all the ear markings of a troll.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,936 #25 January 8, 2004 QuoteQuoteThe outcome proved Bonfire to be ill conceived and poorly executed. The number of years it had been a tradition is immaterial. But the people attending the bonfire had every reason to believe it was structurally sound and safe. They didn't do this to themselves. It was a series of failures that caused the collapse, much like skydiving fatalities, it wasn't a single stupid act. It's a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, not doing something immensely stupid that results in your own death which is what the Darwin award is about. My original comment was "Seems like everything I heard about Aggies is true. " Reading the report of the official investigation does nothing to change my mind. The report indicts the student leadership, the Aggie culture, and the A&M administration. I am sorry for the grief caused to anyone reading this thread, but failing to acknowledge the problems leading to a tragedy is a sure way to repeat them. The Aggie culture was in large measure the cause of this tragedy. No point sticking your heads in the sand.... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
