Stop cheating, already!!!

[Sheenster303 0]

Wow....what an appropriate thread for me at the moment. I just found out that an ex of mine had cheated on me. Well, I was actually "the other woman" and didn't know it.

I thought I wasn't very mad about it, but the more I thought about it, the more hurt I got. Granted I'm not with him anymore, but it still hurts to know that someone I trusted and thought highly of would do something like this. I feel so used. I hate this "other woman" crap. Thankfully, his girlfriend didn't blame me for it. She knew I didn't know about any of it. I wish that people would just be more honest. This lying stuff sucks....

Edited because story was too personal....

I'm so funny I crack my head open!

P.M.S. #102

[Nightingale 0]

I have been cheated on too many times to ever want to inflict that pain on anyone else. Therefore, I do not, and have never, cheated. If I don't want to be with someone, I break up with them and move on. Cheating accomplishes nothing but hurt for everyone involved.

[jdthomas 0]

"NOTHING in this world frightens me more than the thought of being cheated on "

I have been asked by wuffos, "does jumping from planes scare you?"
My reply is the only thing that scares me is a possible broken heart from a girl I love.. and well it has happend, but you just move on.

www.greenboxphotography.com

[juanesky 0]

Michele and Tuna,

You have received many replies and different approaches to the effect on the reasons as to why someone would do something like that to you.

Tuna, you know the values of honor courage and commitment, you stick with those no matter what the result maybe. Michele, your shine above that and it is their lost, not yours. It is a matter of principles and convictions. Many people see it right and don't think much about it. Cheating to my point of view, includes even the thought of it.

As human beings we make many mistakes, and our values differ in so many degrees. What I see in today's world is the fear of truthful commitment for better or for worse, and sadly enough it is more likely till "I find something better for me" type of attitude.

The most valuable lesson, in my humble opinion, and I am not either certified nor educated in any way to advice anyone in a professional manner (disclaimer), is that you don't dilute yourself in anger and seeking revenge nor close your soul to find that someone. They are there, with the same values you both have, and also seeking the same as you do.

Most of us long for love, and that special relationship that can make ourselves build up a world for 2, with its ups and downs, and it is never easy.

Don't give up hope, and keep being who you are, without the bitterness and without the baggage.

Blue skies my friends.

Tuna, I hope that your flaming suit works well

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[juanesky 0]

Dagny, I forgot to mention you.

"According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

[WFFC 1]

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Well Andrea, from one middle-aged red head to another...

WAIT! Have you two been lying to me? I thought you were both 26?!?

[Dagny 0]

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They don't trust, they can't, because always there is this memory of the past which eats at them. they are blind, their vision blocked by memory.

The very thing that makes me angry about cheating is how it destroys people. The pain, the betrayal, it makes people build walls around themselves that no one else can conquer. It creates this vicious cycle...the person gets hurt, builds this wall to protect themselves, becomes blinded by the memory of being done wrong, and can't see a good thing when it's standing right in front of them. So they push away this good thing, all in the interest of not getting hurt again, and wonder why they can't meet a good person. Truth is, they just couldn't see it.

My dear tuna, your story, your bitterness, is exactly what makes me so angry about cheating. What I find so sad is that you've given up hope.

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All women cheat. You can't have a serious relationship with them. They all lie and cheat.

This is simply not true. I don't care if it sounds cliche, but I've never cheated. Not once. Other women have replied that they have not either. You clearly had some bad experiences, and I am sorry that happened to you, I am. But, you are simply wrong to generalize all women into this category. As long as you believe that, it will be impossible for you to see a woman as being truthful. You've let your mind become clouded. You suspcion, it is what will ruin you. Another good man, lost.

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"This person will eventually cheat, so enjoy it while it lasts and know it will end bad."

I look forward to the day when you are proven wrong. When you find a lasting love and it doesn't end bad. I reserve my right, now, to laugh at this statement.

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You just haven't caught her yet.

Men cheat too, my friend. Been there, got my tshirt. Have one shiny engagement ring and a wedding dress collecting dust courtesy of being cheated on. These things happen. But, do you know what I learned? I'll say this...I haven't closed off my heart and mind to the possibility that love and fidelity can coexist and be mine. No. I view the loss of my fiancee as a gift. Oh, I didn't know it at the time, I cried myself to sleep more nights than I can remember. I wanted to die. But I didn't. It took a while, but I recovered. And instead of closing myself off from the world, I made myself stronger, so I could deal with the pain that life, and cheating lovers, sometimes delivers. He gave me a gift, because I am stronger than I was before and I have a new opportunity to find someone who is a better match for me. I refuse to give in to the pain that he created.

It is your struggle, and I hope it is one you will work to conquer, to overcome your doubts, your suspicions, and learn to trust again. You define who you are, don't let the cheating women you have encountered mold you into someone who can't love or be loved. You're stronger than the pain. Surely you know that.

What I believe is that we are all flawed in some way. We are all broken. And when you find the other broken person that makes you whole, your search is over. Respect that. Honor that.

And, stay true. Be honest. Don't cheat. It's all so simple, really.

Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.
-Salvador Dali

[skymama 35]

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WAIT! Have you two been lying to me? I thought you were both 26?!?

LOL...yeah, right.

Great contribution to the thread there, Michael.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[flyangel2 2]

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WAIT! Have you two been lying to me? I thought you were both 26?!?

LOL...yeah, right.

Great contribution to the thread there, Michael.

Yeah, that's our Michael

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[taln1rigr 0]

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I've never heard of someone cheating who was perfectly happy in the way they were being treated in their relationship.

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Tuna, you make some good points, but if you're keeping the woman in you life happy, she's not going to go out and look for it else where.

In Tuna's defense in respect to the above statements:

I was reading an article in the local paper the other day, a "Dear Abby" type column if you will.
The topic was that of cheating & why some do it.
It was noted several times that victims of sexual abuse before the age of 12 find themselves cheating in fantastic relationships. Some even told about being raised in a family where a parent cheated & they now find themselves repeating the pattern.

Justifiable or not, people have cheated on spectacular S/O due to very unhealthy experiences in their life & not against the person they're currently married to/dating.

Getting to the defense part: Tuna, & men in general, may treat their woman the best they know how & still become a victim of infidelity. Think of it, if what was said is true, statistically most victims of sexual abuse at an early age are females. And of those little girls who have been molested the largest majority were done so by their step-fathers. Wrong or right they have pre-programmed unhealthy views of trust & sex.

By Tuna's statement it's undeniable that a pattern's developing in his relationships. But it may have a lot more to do with the women he attracts/attracted to than how he's treating them.

[freeflybella 0]

Hi FlyAngel2 -

caveat: I replied to this post before reading the rest of the thread

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if you're keeping the woman in you life happy, she's not going to go out and look for it else where.

No offense, but I think this is a terrible message to send. Cheating often has nothing to do with the one being 'cheated on' and everything to do with the moral character and integrity of the cheater. As a matter of fact, changing oneself to try and "please" another will create weak and self-doubting people that are more likely to be cheated on.

Having said that, I also think communication is not "THE" answer to preventing cheating. I think being honest with onesself and having the strength to look at the relationship as brand new everyday and deciding every moment that the relationship is healthy and growing for you.

Nothing will prevent you from be cheated on if the person you choose is a cheater. Self-confidence, self-sufficiency, integrity and courage will help to prevent you from being cheated on.

And optimism.

Maintaining optimism will make it easier to say "I don't need this jerk, I'm a good person with alot to offer - the right one is out there for me" - at any point, either before you start dating him/her or 4 years into the relationship.

Also, optimism helps to prevent resignation - feeling that "all people cheat" or "I'm always getting hurt so why bother". When you're overcome with those thoughts or actually start believing them, believe me, you will never find a solid happy relationship. You're no longer a productive and viable option for a partner - so why should you expect to find one?

We've ALL been cheated on or cheated. If we can remember that we are ALL human and share ALL of the same emotions and ALL have the need for the same things in life (just in varying forms) maybe we can have empathy and optimism - and find the inner happiness and strength that draws good, quality people to us.

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[taln1rigr 0]

Dagny,
I have total respect for you regarding your reply to Tuna planet.
You went beyond focusing on the statements themselves & saw the walls Tuna planet was talking to us through ... you're understanding & compassion re-enforces the reason for you posting this thread to begin with.
You obviously have a heart of gold.

[Jimbo 0]

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But it may have a lot more to do with the women he attracts/attracted to than how he's treating them.

On the other hand, it may be exactly the opposite.

I'm not saying that it is, how would I know? Only that it might be.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[jumpinjackflash 0]

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By Tuna's statement it's undeniable that a pattern's developing in his relationships. But it may have a lot more to do with the women he attracts/attracted to than how he's treating them.

I think many times, this is truly the issue. We all tend to, no matter how hard we try, pick the same kind of mate as the last. Some are able to break out, but most end up in the same situation.

Whether is physical abuse or mental, it repeats itself.


I think, one other thing to remember here too is we all look for someone to sacrifice in these situations, when that typically isn't the answer either.

It's all just very sad and painful and if you find yourself in a situation where it is going to occur (because you know it) then you should end the relationship and move on.

Not tear someones heart out further by dishonoring the memory of the love that once existed.


Good/Bad, Happy/Sad, there is nothing worse than crapping all over something that was beautiful. Have some respect for what once was, and move on.


Ok, I tried not to get in this one


Peace



Jack

It's a gas, gas, gas...

[McDuck 0]

Amen, darlin'. Perhaps the problem lies in the fact that too many people get into relationships just so they don't have to be alone, then realise they really don't belong with that person. By no means is cheating justified in any way, shape or form. If you've got the satchel to cheat, then you've got the satchel to leave the person you're with FIRST. Or better yet, "Look before you leap."

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[hmatousek 0]

Forgiveness is an amazing feeling and I just could not imagine life without love. Emotions can be the most beautiful and the most frightening because we have no control over them. It's the one thing in our life we have absolutely no control over. I choose to keep mine on the brighter side, it makes life easier.

I feel for those who are caught up in bitterness. That just leads a life of pain. Sometimes is it a good excuse because it protects us from pain but I rather take my chances, it feels better that way.

Heather

Life doesn't have to be perfect in order to be beautiful!

[Zenister 0]

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They don't trust, they can't, because always there is this memory of the past which eats at them. they are blind, their vision blocked by memory.

The very thing that makes me angry about cheating is how it destroys people. The pain, the betrayal, it makes people build walls around themselves that no one else can conquer. It creates this vicious cycle...the person gets hurt, builds this wall to protect themselves, becomes blinded by the memory of being done wrong, and can't see a good thing when it's standing right in front of them. So they push away this good thing, all in the interest of not getting hurt again, and wonder why they can't meet a good person. Truth is, they just couldn't see it. .

can I get an amen! hallelujah! preach on sister!!!! my head is bloody and i cannot see straight from beating against such walls. and little, nothing you do or say will even illuminate the walls for them to admit what they are doing...


there are patterns to everything...i'm certainly adult enough to admit an attraction to the 'damsel in distress', so yes being used is certainly the result of choices i make as well...

but fuck. is it so hard to start with being honest about what your after and what your willing to put into life to be happy??

note to self: for future wuffo gfs, never state that 'her walls are so high you could take a 10 sec delay' .....she wont get it and it will only annoy her further...

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[pleifer 0]

To the original post:

Amen

_________________________________________
The Angel of Duh has spoke

[lummy 4]

Sorry Dagny but I can't stop cause that would mean I'd have to start first....

I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1

[RoysPlayThing 0]

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All women cheat.

Oh my God!! Poor you!... I'm sure you haven't met all women, so there! ... Carry on...

_______________________________________________
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

[BoostedXT 0]

Ehhh I give up. My car, snake, bike, and al my other hobbies cannot cheat on me. They bring me enjoyment.

Joe

For long as you live and high you fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all that you touch and all that you see is all your life will ever be.
Pedro Offers you his Protection.

[happythoughts 0]

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is it so hard to start with being honest about what your after and what your willing to put into life to be happy??

In the beginning, people seem to do that pretty easy. They are honest because all their expectations are good. The relationship has rules, but the rules are easy to stay within.

However, after a year, it all seems less attractive, or boring. Then, people start looking. Smiling to see the reaction, offering to hang out. This helps to measure the options before taking the plunge to get out.

In a perfect world, people would stick with their original agreements.

Most people will say "I never saw anyone else until my relationship was over." Were they still seeing/living with their current SO? Yes, but they don't regard that as cheating.

It is cheating unless you have a complete disconnect beforehand.

A lot of women will "test the waters" before dumping the current SO. I see that a surprising amount.

Guys seem to suffer from the "grass is greener" syndrome. It is rarely better, just different.

[gmanpilot 0]

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The very thing that makes me angry about cheating is how it destroys people.

Hey Dagney,

I have a "which is worse" scenario for you. I was married for 10 years, the last 5 of which were pretty unhappy, and the last 3 were down right crappy. I did not cheat on my wife, and she did not cheat on me, as far as I know. So I guess you could say that our mutual loyalty destroyed us for at least those last 3 years. Let's say one of us had cheated, and we got a divorce two years earlier and embarked upon our paths toward happiness two years earlier, and avoided two years of mysery. Which would be the greater harm?? You see, I did not get angry about my divorce until I started experiencing some happiness afterward. "Look at what I have been missing, I should have done this years ago". So which is worse??

_________________________________________
-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[BoostedXT 0]

Hobbies are great and cant cheat on you! However there is nothing in this world that can compair to the companionship between two people. All humans by nature want to feel Love, wanted and needed. Part of the risk of Love is the risk of being burned, but Love wouldnt be as wonderful as it is without that risk. Its similar to everything else in this world. Would I jump from planes if there was no risk? dont know, but it wouldnt be as fun. Love is a whole different level because it deals with human emotion. No amount of pain brought forth by the hobbies can compair to the pain of a broken heart, or amputated soul.

OK I am done now.

Joe

For long as you live and high you fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all that you touch and all that you see is all your life will ever be.
Pedro Offers you his Protection.

[hmatousek 0]

Dogs, dogs can't cheat on you either. Thier loyal, always look like they love you no matter how much you vent to them. They make me remember that I am human and make mistakes but they love me reguardless.

Men, I like men too. I just can't figure them out like I can dogs. Im sure many men feel the same way.

Heather

Life doesn't have to be perfect in order to be beautiful!