Everyone Has A Story.... What's Your's

[Misslmperfect 0]

well, i wouldnt go that far jeffery. there are worse human beings on this earth...lol but i guess that was a poor attempt at sarcasm. i wouldnt get on a plane with that guy, no matter how tempting malibu and a private jet may be...i have SOME sense lmao

Oh Canada, merci pour la livraison!

[flyangel2 2]

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Yeah. You all think Mary is such a wonderful person. She's not. She's evil I tell you. Evil.

Now who are you all going to believe? Me, sweet and angelic, or the bytch

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[freeflybella 0]

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I rank them in musical talent up there with Gwar and Hanson.

Well, there's my story.

I bartended in college at a venue called the Metro, in Richmond, VA.

Which happened to be across the alley from GWAR's slavepit. Served Black Label and PBR to them nightly (and morningly). Beefcake and Brockie (Oderus) were nice drunks. Sleazy P Martini married my friend Heather. And Danielle, Slymenstra Hymen, made a skydive in SA for a NIKE ad.

Not my kind of music, not my style of show - but always entertaining.

But, I HATED bartending for their 'all-ages' shows! Nothing but sweaty, fake-blood covered 13 year olds asking for water!!! I'm not ashamed to admit I started charging for it.

for reference:

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[Blahr 0]

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Damn dude, you're extremely lucky. Any long term effects? Were the guys caught?

Yup. Maybe more than luck was involved. I choose to believe so.
The guys were never caught. I deal with that by knowing that whereever they are today, its likely that their lives suck while my life ROCKS!!

Long term effects? Yup. All good ones.
That night changed everything for me.

[WrongWay 0]

This one time....at band camp......

We tied this kids wrists and ankles up with nylon rope, then proceded to tie him to the roll bars of my jeep facing backwards (towards the road) then took him on a joyride down the highway. He nearly wet his pants.

BTW, for those of you who think this was cruel, we did it for a good reason, to teach him a lesson that guys DO NOT threaten to beat the shit out of girls, especially in front of us.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[Luv2Fall 0]

Many years ago while on active duty as a single man, I was working on my usual degree of drunkeness at an NCO club with my gun section and with a British soldier named Mark Penney........he
was quite the drinker and character. Being back, all cleaned up, after having been in the field for a few weeks - we were ready to do some real drinking. Many Post NCO Clubs allow (or use to) civilian
girls to patronize these outstanding stablishments....some were there to make a little money (hehehehe) others are there looking for love from a soldier who was far away from home.

Well, that night, there she was - a huge, huge woman, standing by the dance floor,
sipping on her drink and swaying those huge hips as if to say "hey guys - I want to dance - please ask me - I'm so damn available.". By that time, we were
all three sheets to the wind, especially Mark. Something was churning in that little British mind of his................."which one of us was drunk enough to dance with this young lady?" Mark wanted to place a bet as to who was drunk enough to ask this young lady to dance. I was pretty lit by now and said "$%*+ it, I'll dance with her! I then put down my "Bud" and proceeded to approach this woman who practically yelled "YES" before I could ask her to dance.

I, up to this point, have never danced with such a huge woman...........I attempted to wrap my arms around her as to facilitate our slow dancing to the song that was presently playing...........my hands could not reach each other for I was hugging something huge....something different....something...well, I can I say? She had a nice personality. We began dancing and this girl who was probably already thinking she had it made as she wrapped my then skinny ass into her folds, I began to think "this doesn't feel half bad". I was so so very thankful that I was the taller of the two as this girl would have suffocated me somewhere in one of her folds.

After the dance, we got a table and I ordered us another round. I said screw it "I'll talk to this girl......it's not everyday I get to interact with one of the local girls.......especially one like her. I was so very drunk. It wasn't long - this girl was good - in retrospect, I believe this young lady has been down this road quite often. In my drunken stupor, I allowed this young lady to say all the right things and to push all the right buttons - she was programed very well.

She began telling me that she resided in the local area - alone - and that we can continue to have a few drinks at her place. I had to pause a moment to reflect upon something a fellow soldier had once
told me that I never forgot. He was in a very similar situation at Fort Lewis, Washington...................this dude was small, very small.............and drunk. He remembered going out of the door of the bar before passing out. When he had awakenend, he found himself thrown over a shoulder of this particular large lady in question like a sack of potatoes - who, at the time, was walking up an outside stairway to get to her second floor apartment. Anyway, my buddy had asked this woman to put him
down to which she replied "no - you're going with me cutie". Chip would never tell me nor anyone what happened the remainder of that fateful night. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall.

I convienced myself that this situation was completely different.....what the hey - have a good time with her (in a non-sexual way) and let her enjoy herself......hell, I was so glad to be out of the field. Out of the club we went with all my drunk
buddies hooting and shouting mixed with a shocking look of disbelief upon their faces. What the hell.......a little conversation doesn't hurt
anyone. I wasn't outside but for a couple of minutes when I learned that if you butter the outsides of a huge person, you could squeeze one through the driver's door of an automobile..........it was then I
began to realize I was much, much too drunk.

I don't really remember much of what was said during the transport of my very drunk ass..........hell, I really don't remember the ride that much. I do, somewhat, remember her house.....a small house to house such a world wonder. Anyway, she was a gracious hostess in that she had given a beer before I could ask her if I
could use her bathroom..........I really had to go. I quickly asked her if I could use her facilities to which she not only responded with a "yes" but also a kiss and the grabbing of my fruit basket. After having relieved myself, I didn't give it another though as to
what had transpired........I figured she was drunk and a bit playful.......hell, I was there to relax and to enjoy a little conversation anyway. As I zipping up my zipper, I was looking at the toliet and was wondering how does something that size sit safely on such a small toliet?

I was so sadly mistaken with what I was thinking was going on. This girl - obviously well seasoned from patronizing NCO Clubs - knew what the hell she was doing from the beginning. Setting on her well broken-in couch, she comes over sits by me and then start leaning on me, smoothering me with kisses, and working my fruit basket with her chubby
little hand. Well, yes...........that affected my "manhood" a little bit....even then...I knew something wasn't quite right.......I wanted
out.....OMG what have I gotten into.......oh yeah the hand did feel good though. She asked me how was that - to which I replied - damn that was nice! She smiled in such a manner that I knew more was to come. She got up and got me another beer and told me to stay right
there and to relax.............and that she would be right back.

As I watch this woman head towards the bathroom, I
couldn't help but be amazed how huge she was........five foot tall by five foot wide. It wasn't a
minute later when I heard the shower water running. You could have bought me for nickle......I was stunned and concerned.........I began to
feel helpless. The shower door closed and the sound of running water had changed.....it was covering something huge before hitting the
floor - by then I was scared.

I sat there for a minute wondering what the hell was I going to do...........and it hit me like a ton of lard I mean bricks......get the hell out of there. I quitely got up (screw the beer), opened the front door....gently closing it behind me and ran like I have never ran before....... inspite of being drunk. It wasn't long before I had covered some distance after a stop or two to spew some beer that I had a general idea as to where I was. I then starting walking as I could no longer run .......but down back roads and crap. I finally got back to post and
to my bunk.....about 0430 hours.....just bewildered out of my mind.

I didn't go back to the NCO club for a few weeks.....the teasing I got from the guys was unbelievable.....none of them believed I didn't
engage in any intimate activities with this lady. Anway, one weekend I did return to the club with my eyes peeled in every direction......I didn't want to hurt this girl's feelings. I guess I wasn't there an hour before this young lady came through the
door.........she must have had radar........she looked directly at me, but in a loving way. I could have shit. She waddled over to my table and asked
would I drink with her......I said "sure". Strange - I thought she would be pissed at me. When she took her first trip to the ladies room, I sat there telling myself that I can't believe this crap. After a few minutes, I decided to go to a local club in town instead of staying there. I got up and was walking towards the door when she came out of the ladies
room and locked on to me......she asked me where I was going? I told her out to my car to get some cigarettes and that I would be right
back. As I was walking towards my car, I couldn't help but feel she was back outside looking for me.........I looked........I was right.

I didn't want her to know what car I drove so I quickly dropped to the ground (asphault) and low crawled to the nearest wooded area....she never saw me leave the parking lot even though I had left my car lol.

Since then......when I see a woman of similiar statue, I'm taken back into time ....... and reliving those feelings and emotions of my encounter with this young lady. This, my skydiving friends, is a true story.

[lawrocket 3]

I've got plenty. Earlier years was Ollie North, Ronald Reagan, and a "Who's Who" of right wing Republicans (before I became a libertarian).

The past few years has been more celebrity types. Guys like Ed McMahon, Ernie Banks, Chyna, etc. I golfed with Jay Thomas (Eddie LeBeque from "Cheers") and drank heavily with a few others. I even stood at a urinal next to Tom Hanks during an LA Kings game.

Now I live in Fresno. I even prefer the pastoral existence to the lit glitz nouveau rock riche of LA. One thing I can say about most of those I met:

They are really just average Joes with weird jobs. Most of them are really pretty nice if you approach them like any other person.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[RoadRash 0]

Sorry man, that story was scary...so you like 'em big...



~R+R

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Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~...

[Luv2Fall 0]

I truly do like a "woman", but not quite that big lol.

[turtlespeed 212]

There is a little grocery store in South Beach (Miami) called Epicure. I was looking around, as I had just gotten into town to visit my Dad, who was the project manager for the construction company that was remodeling the store. I was looking at the the ceiling because he had mentioned something the superintentant that there was a problem there and I was looking to try to figure out what it was.

This store has Prize Winning fruits and vegetables that are brought in from all over the world for people that can afford exactly what they want, when they want. For instance, the honey dew melons were 22.50 per pound - that is because they were roughly the size of a beach ball, and imported from Japan.

So, I'm looking at the ceiling, and my perifial vision says that I need to shift to the left of the melons, and I did. {{Bump}} Well, I thought that I had just knocked into a stray cart, {{Bump}} again So I looked down, and there I was, nestled ass deep in Sharon Stones Grocery Cart.

I said, excuse me, she just smiled and laughed and said something about being noticable and went on her way.

DAMN, No makup, in sweats and a tank - she still looked extremely delicious.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[winsor 186]

My parents had a co-op on the 31st floor of the Connaught Tower on 54th St. in Manhattan in the late 70s and early 80s, and I was in and out of the place a lot.

One day I got on the down elevator with my father and there were a couple of guys on it already, one tall and one short, both kind of mulatto looking. They were speaking to each other in another language that was like Spanish, and I guessed it was Portuguese. Since they didn't look like the Portuguese guys I knew, I guessed they were Brazilian.

Wanting to verify the acuity of my powers of observation and deduction, I asked them "where are you guys from?"

Sure enough, the short guy grinned and said "Sao Paolo."

I told him my roommate in Germany was from Sao Paolo, he said that was very nice, and we left the elevator.

As we walked away, my father said "you know who that was, don't you?"

"No, who?"

"Pele."

"Jesus Christ! You're right!"

So much for the keen powers of observation...

[Luv2Fall 0]

I hate when that happens, don't you?

[WeakMindedFool 0]

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That's far better than meeting a dirt-bag loser with no talent.

Sorry, never liked that man. I probably would have done something stupid like beat his ass on site and celebrate with 2 gyros with extra tzatziki sauce and a pint of ale.

Wow...wow. No talent? Wow. Dirt-bag loser? OK...I'm with ya! I hate those bands that sing songs about moses leading the jews out of Goshen...and anti meth songs! About the preservation of justice freedom and the preservation of the American way of life through the support of the military. Ya know they say J.Hetfield is a musical genius, he can play ANY stringed instrument as well as drums (he taught Lars how to play). I don't like anything after the Black Album is worth listening to but...Talentless dirt-bag? Dude..

Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for lost faith in ourselves.
-Eric Hoffer -
Check out these Videos

[TribalTalon 0]

hmmm.. well in terms of meeting famous people, back when i was like 12, i met the then Miss Texas Chelsi Smith, who won Miss USA and then Miss Universe, at the Texas Grande in Beeville, texas. My mom knew her somehow and my mom wanted to take a picture of her and me together, and this lady offered to give me a kiss, and me, still in the girls have cooters period of my life, was repulsed. I was beyond embarrassed when my mom finally got me to stand still while she took a picture of Chelsi kissing my cheek. haha. who can top that, not wanting to be kissed by Miss Universe (but, i had NO idea who she was at the time) i have no idea where that picture is, but here's a picture of chelsi that i dug up on the net.

[sdgregory 0]

It was October 31st and I thought it would be funny to put on this costume and ran around the neighborhood and people gave me candy!

It was cool.