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jimmytavino

How should the Parent(s) Respond

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...:| At supper tonight Our Son who is 18 years and 3 months of age, and a Senior in High School told us the following:....
.. there is a student in school who is a junior ( 17 years old) and who "has it in for me"...he has been pushing me to fight him,,,and it gets worse each day..".[:/]B| Apparently there was a verbal joust in the parking lot after school a week ago or so,, between this Junior and a friend of my Son...By association Our son Jim had some words with the 17 yr old... in an attempt to lighten the situation and put it behind them all.... and the kid had absolutely NO sense of Humor about it...>:(
So the last couple of days it's been,, "strutting and antagonizing" on this kids part,,, in an effort to
" arrange some sort of fight......".Between Him, and our Son.... " Meet me behind such and such a place" the kid is saying " and we'll settle this"
W T F ????? Our son is not a cowering wimp,,, nor is he a pushy and ill mannered lout....... But i do not think he wants to have to deal with this... He is an easy going person,,, has good manners and is considerate to others.. He is NOT quick to anger,,, but he DOES recognize what is happening here.....
Today Wed.. he first brought this situation to our attention.... We are proud of him that he is comfortable enough with us to discuss it...and sensible enough to try to head this off before something happens... (apparently today the 17 yr old grabbed Jim by the lapel of his coat,, and shoved him against a wall. saying "let's fight" while they were both in a school hallway between classes......) Jim pulled this other students' hands from his jacket and moved away..... the 17 year old re-iterated his desire to "fight".... and demonstrated what our son described as ,, "very very agitated behavior".....
I will not stand by and wait for the last shoe to drop here... i will NOt see my son sucker punched by some goon of a H S student.... and for sure i will not see him with any injuries, especially facial....
( can you say ,, broken nose,,, busted jaw, black eye??? ) from some sucker punch.. Plus,,,, God forbid,,, what if this "way over the edge intransigent". uses a weapon on My Child........
whoa..... let's not even go there.......>:( >:(
Still if anything happens in the next day or two... either ON school property or off..... I feel it is a parents duty to alert certain officials,,,,, of our "prior to an altercation" Awareness of what is shaping up....
To document the situation as of Wed march 10th,,,,, so that in the event that ANYthing happens on the 11th or 12th we have then,,,,already notified School officials of our concerns....
Should we feel that the officials are BOUND and responsible to Protect our son....???
Maybe a little...
Should they be responsible to diffuse the situation... . maybe a lot...
How do we accomplish that without sounding like we're ratting on this kid....and how do we protect our sons' safety and reputation,, at the same time....
To just say.. " let the fight happen and the best man wins".... does not sit well with me...
.to see my son injured,,, does not sit well with me... to see something happen off school property,,, and have to deal with local "law enforcement" does not sit well with me.......
I think I will visit school at 8 am... tomorrow and spend 5 minutes alerting an assistant principal,,,
( unbeknownst to my son )..of what is going on..... Good idea???? Bad idea???? I feel a bit helpless.. I'm not trying to 'fight his battles" for him,,, but this is a minor misunderstanding that is getting way way carried away....[:/] hell,,,, this kid assaulted our son today.....B| what do we do?????

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hell,,,, this kid assaulted our son today..... what do we do?????



You call the police, or have your son do so since he is technically an adult, and do it right away. Assault is a crime (since he touched him, isn't that battery?); were there any witnesses?

Don't count on the school to do shit.

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Call the police, notify the school and basically let it be known that this is going on. . .17 year olds kill people. . .there are news stories about it.
________________________________________
Take risks not to escape life… but to prevent life from escaping. ~ A bumper sticker at the DZ
FGF #6
Darcy

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This isn't the first time the bully has pulled this crap.:o

I'd be surprised if the school isn't already aware of this persons unacceptable behavior. When you go to speak with the people at school, document it, meet with the administration write them a letter and let them read it at the meeting. Then send it registered mail to them with what was discussed.

Don't know how big your town is, but a court issued restraining order might work if its issued and the poor little bully doesn't comply, Jail!

Same thing with the police, report it ,get a case number etc. The cops have dealt with the bad boy before.

Don't expect to much from the school or the police, have you considered talking with other parents at the school. Your son isn't the only one being victimized. Power in numbers.

R.I.P.

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:| thanks..... i plan to visit the school in the morning,,,, for the purpose of communication....
My son is reluctant to tell me the students last name... and i would rather not turn this into a major issue...... but enough is enough..... the town is mid sized, and the school district has a decent reputation
BUt there are things that go on around here,,, that
"never make it into the papers" if you get my drift...
Perhaps this kid has behaved like this in the past perhaps he is just full of piss and vineger,,, and is looking for a target.... either way..... we are not playing along..... i will stop short of notifying police, since I have little faith in THEM,,,as well... but I will see that my son is safe.........and NO stranger will
have such a negative impact on our family while I have anything to say about it....We don't fraternize with other parents very much and sort of keep to ourselves... But My son is starting at accept that
"something IS gonna happen"..... well to quote Buzz Lightyear..... " Not today " !!!!!!!

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Your boy is over 18 and the law is not on his side if he takes the kid up on his offer of a fight. Don't think that the other kids parents wouldn't pounce on your son if he came out on top in a fight.
As mentioned before. Have your son call the police and make a report before this goes any further. He is a legal adult and this is the route he needs to take to protect himself and you from possible legal issues.
Talk to the school... most schools have some police officer assigned to it... talk to them about the situation.
Cover your ass. It's a crazy world out there. Better your son takes a hit in the reputation department than letting a situation escalate to tragic ends.
It may sound like over reacting, but kids today have a very skewed idea of what is acceptable behavior and actions. Killing or permenately injuring someone isn't as appalling to kids of today as it was once upon a time.

Hope this all works out and nothing happens to either of them... life is hard enough without this kind of shit.

Blues!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You don't quit playing because you get old, you get old because you quit playing"

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I could be wrong on this... but since your son is 18 and the punk is under 18, couldn't there be problems for your son after a fight even if he's only defending himself?



...roger that .... and this is a factor which Our son pointed out to us...... right off the bat....( he may be watching too much Judge Judy :o:S:P ) In fact,,,this is why He said he would not be Goaded into some "off school grounds fight".... he said IF it has to happen,,, he would rather it happen at school... I say... It DOES NOT have to happen at all....... but i will not allow Jim to take some low blow,,, and not respond... I like the idea about a police officer who may be assigned to the H.S. as part of his/her "regular duty'.. i will look into that aspect of things..... thanks all.... jaytee

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You are right to visit the school. You just can't be too careful these days. It's very cool that your son came to you and talked with you about it. It shows how much he trusts you and that is a wonderful thing. I try to have that same kind of relationship with my kids.. I want them to be able to tell me anything and they do.. some things I don't really want to know either..:D Anyway... you're obviously a great Dad and you are doing the absolute right thing by taking action now. I would be up at that school in a minute if someone was threatening my child.

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Grrrr! The world does not need more punks. Since everyone else already offered the reasonable, adult approaches to take, I'd just like to say what I'd LOVE to see happen:

I'd love to call in a BlackOp special courtesy of some not-so-friendly, not-so-neighborhood Rangers to put the fear of God into this little shit. Make him piss his pants thinking they'd cut his teeny tiny willy off if he so much as considers bowing up to anyone in aggression ever again.

'K, so I know that's not an option, but it's a nice thought.

Back to the recommended courses of action. Sounds like you've got yourself one squared away son, Jimmy. Just help him cover his ass and make sure his friends are there as witnesses / back-up if he HAS to defend himself. Let's hope it never comes to that. [:/]

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

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I miss the days when it was safe enough to tell a boy "don't start a fight, but by god you can finish it."

Nowadays, with a head case like this, I would notify the cops, even if you don't expect them to do anything.

At least then it's in the records that you've had cause for concern before it comes to a head.
witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
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Hi Jimmy

I agree with your concerns about the local police. could be a waste of time. But it could be another page in the kids bad boy file.

It could be enough to finally make the police to take action with a proven track rcord.

BTW in our area a mumber of kids got together to watch a grudge match after school and off grounds. The outcome was very bad.

R.I.P.

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uhm...somethimes I'm glad I'm not a parent.
A crazy idea would be to invite the punk over for dinner.

You don't have to get best friends, but you might get to know eachother a little better. The base of the conflict sounds like it's just some small unimportant stuff, so it should be possible to resolve it without violence. Talking together can't be a bad idea. Meeting someone who doesn't respond to his terrorism with violence or calling the police might be what this kids need to get on the right track.

Just might be a better idea than to report him to the police....?

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

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:| never said i would "report him to the police".
...Where I come from we tend to "take care of things ourselves",,, but through the proper channels...
Not interested in befriending him either.... He sounds like a hot head. This kid DOES need to learn some manners,,, and needs to learn to control himself.... I know very little about him, except for what our son has told us.... Jim reports that he knew who this person was... and doesn't much care for the behavior that he sees now and has seen in the past from this 17 yr. old.... I have often felt the best approach in that case is to just " stay away from" such people..... Jim reports that he's been trying that,,, ( after his attempt at "witty reparte'' failed.)... but that this kid has been going out of HIS way to chase down our son.....:S [:/] :S ... Anyway
in ONE HOUR I visit the school... I'll keep y'all posted... jmy

......edited.......to add
....... this morning at 7:45 am I was at the main office and met with a staff person,, in whom i have confidence...
He said that without indicating to our son,,,that I had visited him,,,, he would call our son to the office to discuss.. I asked him to first call one of Jim's friends,,, in order to get accurate information concerning this thing,,,,since my words,,, are second hand.. and therefore less credible...he said he would.. and said he would also call Jim to his office.. ( This person is a Guidance Counselor who was
assigned our son,, when Jim First entered High School.. he Knows our son...
.... last night before I could sleep, I also called the local police dispatch desk and spoke directly with a staff person... I asked if an officer is assigned to the school and was told ,,, not generally,,I mentioned my last name,, and our concerns... I was asked if I wanted an officer dispatched,, and said,,
"no no no....i plan to speak with someone, face to face in the morning..."

I was back home by the time our son left for School,,,(as a senior he's not required to attend Homeroom,, and his first class is after 8:30 ) and asked him to "Please speak to someone in the office"... as soon as he arrived.... He seemed unwilling to do that.... I said,,,, " Do NOT hit this kid..." he said " what if HE starts it...."???? and I laid a fatherly reply on Him,,, which was...,,,, " It's not a fight,, until BOTH people 'start' it,,,,,up til then it's an assault and my last words were.. "don't"...
............ :| ... now I have to get off to MY workday,,, and I wait and I wonder.....But i won't worry..... our son is a good kid... today will be a chance for him to prove it to us once again...

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Finally!
A parent who is willing to help his son - who is being bullied.
I grew up in a similar town - across the border in Quebec - but with ZERO support from parents or teachers.
Now they wonder why I have no patience or respect for authority figures.
The bottom line is that if school officials and police do not do their jobs, they do not deserve your son's respect or tax dollars.

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Your boy is over 18 and the law is not on his side if he takes the kid up on his offer of a fight. Don't think that the other kids parents wouldn't pounce on your son if he came out on top in a fight.



Exactly! This is the part you need to worry about. Since your son is over 18 and the other kid is not, there could be serious legal ramifications if there is violence. Document everything in as much gnat's ass detail as you can, because you have to be watching out for your own ass. What the other kid did classifies as assault (and battery, since he actually laid a hand on your son), so it is vital to have it documented.

In this day and age, you could probably have the kid arrested as a terrorist.

Matt
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Man, I had the same thing happen to me when I was in school. What ended it was me knocking the absolute shit out the guy in front of the entire Sr. Class. He never messed with me again after that. I caught him off guard and hit the the ground hard. There's no rules to fighting. ;)

Unfortunately, it looks like 17 is a minor and 18 is an "adult" where you live, not the case here. Times have changed, you can't do what you could 10 years ago when I was in HS.

Sounds like you have a good kid who knows right from wrong and just has some jackass who won't leave him alone until some sort of confrontation is made.

Personally, if I was grabbed by someone by the jacket, that would be assault in and of itself and I would defend myself by not giving him a chance to fight back. Based upon what you are saying, the school is well aware that the 17 yr old has previously made a poor reputation for himself with the faculty.

I'm not condoning violence or an acutal altercation, but there is a point where you have to defend yourself or stand up for yourself in order to aleviate a situation at hand.

Sounds like you are taking the right steps. Don't blame your son for not wanting to point fingers, though.

edit - btw, if my son were in the same situation, I'd probably be doing the same thing you are.

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Man, crap like this really gets my blood up.

If your son does have to beat this punk, make sure he beats him DEEP, so the punk remembers who his betters are. Sometimes an "attitude adjustment" or "wall-to-wall counseling" are the only means of communication that some people are able to hear.

Sounds like the punk either has some serious psych issues or is just wired wrong. Either way, it isn't your son's problem.

mh

.
"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

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It sounds like you're doing the right thing, which is supporting your kid as he's facing a tough decision. It can be really hard to not get involved, but your son is making all the right decisions on his own from what you've said - and he's the one who will have to deal with both the problem and the outcome.

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Well put as usual, Bill.

mh

.



:| :)B|
But in reality... We SHOULD try to advocate for a civil and mannerly way of behavior between people...
We're going in the right direction......
The Son came through..:ph34r: Early this morning the two kids crossed paths. After moving to a water fountain and drinking, Jim was pushed from behind as he walked away.... He kept moving..but he said a teacher saw the push... Later on...each student was called to the counselors office, seperately,,, and apparently the 2 students and 2 counselors will meet in the morning....and Hopefully put this all to rest..
..I feel it was good, and the right thing to have brought this to the attention of the staff @ the H.School..As of yet,,, there is no need to talk about police, and restaining orders,,, etc... I believe that the 17 year old has managed so far,,, to avoid having his parent or parents,,, notified... and I'm OK with that.. providing he comes through on Friday,,, and lets this silliness be done and finished...It is most ALL up to him now... I hope he sleeps well and wakes up a little bit smarter, than the way he has been recently...

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Good for your son.

That said, my honest opinion is that his parents should be notified. Really, because it's their job to deal with it. The school should be helping them deal with this.

It's one thing to tell about a single incident; that's tattling, and for self-correcting behavior there's not really a point. But when the behavior is ongoing, then the more places where correction comes, the better the result is likely to be. Because one of those places might be one he respects.

Good luck

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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There's no reason your son should have to deal with this. The school needs to step in and do something to stop what is going on. Document everything and tell the school you plan to get a lawyer if needed. In every school there are bullies, who may be powerless in their own home, but they can come to school and bully the hell out of someone else and they feel great about it. If they get into enough trouble usually they'll stop. The more waves you can make as a parent the more likely the school or law enforcement will start doing something to protect your son. Too often this sort of thing is pushed to the back burner, and little or nothing is done until someone is hurt. Threatening to sue the school for their inaction to protect your son may get results. Usually if you turn up the heat on the school administration something will get done. Don't be afraid to visit the school often to remind them that your son is still being threatened and harassed. If the bully is pushing or shoving and threatening, this could be considered a law enforcement issue. You can also get a restraining order if needed. Make life miserable for this jerk and I'll bet he'll quit. Most bullies are cowards and need to be put in their place.....Steve1

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