ladyskydiver 0 #1 October 13, 2004 Ok...yesterday was a bad day and today isn't looking much better. Make me laugh, please....Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #2 October 13, 2004 Well, if you could see me you might laugh.... But since that does not seem possible (I hope you are not a blonde) Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me...........that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end, so I just hung up, and I haven't heard back from him. Guess I won that stupid argument!-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #3 October 13, 2004 watch my Funny Cat Video thread hope this can make you laugh...scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #4 October 13, 2004 It hasn't exactly been peachy for me at work. I feel like reaming my boss's ass with a pole! But hey, I have a good job that pays well, and he's only human, just an annoying little prick... Yeah, that's it, ALP... Just call him an ALP and I'll get through the day... What's the source of your bad day? Blue Skies Billy"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKat 0 #5 October 13, 2004 This is guaranteed to make you laugh. I call it the superkat wonder years cuz I wonder where all my hair went. My favorite one is the mullet. Go ahead and laugh at my expense. http://www.superkatnyc.com/hair77.jpg What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #6 October 13, 2004 nope...not blonde....red head. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #7 October 13, 2004 QuoteIt hasn't exactly been peachy for me at work. I feel like reaming my boss's ass with a pole! But hey, I have a good job that pays well, and he's only human, just an annoying little prick... Yeah, that's it, ALP... Just call him an ALP and I'll get through the day... What's the source of your bad day? Blue Skies Billy ALP I like that. The usual - poor planning on someone's part that is having us (IT) have to jump through hoops to "fix things" which is resulting in us staying extra late and coming in extra early. I'm not able to work out as a result which is stressing me out. And, my back and neck are killing me - did something to tweak it and OUCH!!! Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #8 October 13, 2004 A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, an! d the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies "No; what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No; what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spin! s him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says. The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #9 October 13, 2004 MMMmmmmm -- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #10 October 13, 2004 Hugs, Conway! Hope things work out well for you. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #11 October 13, 2004 Not bad pics...why the no hair in the end? Just prefer it shaved? ok...now why do I think someone's going to take my last question a totally different way than I meant it? Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheAnvil 0 #12 October 13, 2004 I'm sorry you are having a bad day. This is sort of funny. I take great pleasure in spinning up my current boss, who is somewhat of a goober and quite foul mouthed, though a good guy. We actually take turns spinning him up and take great pride in our ability to do so, much to his chagrin. The other day my boss said something stupid and caught himself. Then he said to me "Goddamit Vinny! Only one of us is allowed to be fucked up at any one time! I want you to make sure it's always you!" So I respond: You want me to make sure I'm fucked up? My boss: Yes! Dammit! Make sure you're always fucked up, you short little shit! Me: Do you mean that? Boss: Yes! Make sure you're always fucked up Vinny! Unfortunately, he did this in front of witnesses. So the other day I sent him a fake report as a prank and invited spectators to watch the explosion. The following occurred: Boss: Goddamit you short little fuck! These #'s show me the most fucked up project in history! Why are you so fucked up? Me: So you mean it's the most fucked up you've ever seen? Boss: Yes! Why the fuck are you smiling? Me: It's always good to be an overachiever. You told me to be fucked up, so I tried as hard as I could. Boss: I never said that you fucking idiot! Witness #1: Actually, sir, you did. Boss: No I didn't goddamit! Me: Is there anything else you want me to fuck up? Boss is standing up and waving hands in the air: No goddamit! I NEVER fucking said I wanted anything fucked up? Witness #2: Sir, I was standing right here when you told Vinny that you always wanted him to make sure he was fucked up. You did say that. Boss: What am I surrounded by fucking idiots or something? I NEVER SAID I WANTED ANYTHING FUCKED UP!!!!! EVER!! Vinny: Yes you did! Did I do a good job? Boss: If you were trying to fuck up, yes, you short shit! Never do that again! Vinny: So you never want me to do what you tell me? Or never do a good job? Boss: Yes! I mean NO! I mean...I mean . . . . . . eh . . . ahh . . . . ehh . . . uuhh . . . GODDAMIT VINNY YOU SHORT LITTLE SONOFABITCH!!! GET YOUR SHORT ASS OUT OF MY OFFICE AND TAKE THESE LAUGHING HYENAS WITH YOU BEFORE I STICK MY SIZE 12 UP YOUR ASS AND YOUR TONSILS TASTE LIKE SHOE POLISH YOU SHORT LITTLE SMILING SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!!! I sent him the right report a bit later with the tag-line 'GOTCHA'. He was unamused until the next day when he bought me lunch. Vinny the Anvil Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL JACKASS POWER!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #13 October 13, 2004 FLAT TUMMY A little boy walks into his parents' room and sees his mom on top his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees, and blows it right back up again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumper03 0 #14 October 13, 2004 Here's one for you... A boy is playing with his toy-train while his mother is in the kitchen preparing lunch. As a train reaches a "station" the mother is horrified to hear: "All you assholes who want to get off the train, get the fuck outta here right now. All the other dumbfucks keep your seats." Of course, she tells her son: "We do not use such foul language here. Go to your room. You are not allowed to play for two hours." Two hours later the boy resumes his play and the mother is pleased to hear him say: "Ladies and gentlemen, please board the train. We will leave the station in a few moments." Then: "And those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay can fucking complain to that bitch in the kitchen."Scars remind us that the past is real Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #15 October 13, 2004 FLAT TUMMY A little boy walks into his parents' room and sees his mom on top his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees, and blows it right back up again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 3 #16 October 13, 2004 It was funnier the first time. QuoteMake me laugh, please.... Speedo Day at Byron Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #17 October 13, 2004 QuoteIt was funnier the first time. It was meant for her. not the repost nazis Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PLFKING 3 #18 October 13, 2004 Nah, I don't want Ivan's job. I just meant it was funnier the first time you posted it in this thread. Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites DYEVOUT 0 #19 October 13, 2004 Wow, Deja Vu all over again. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ladyskydiver 0 #20 October 13, 2004 Vinny, hon...I can just see you doing that. I soo wish I could have seen that. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Peej 0 #21 October 13, 2004 Two goldfish in a tank, one looks at the other one and says: "you drive, i'll man the guns" got that via sms today, it made me chuckle. Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites pajarito 0 #22 October 13, 2004 QuoteOk...yesterday was a bad day and today isn't looking much better. Make me laugh, please.... Look at yourself in the mirror and, whatever you do, DON'T......LAUGH! DON'T EVEN SMILE!!! Have a good day! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RkyMtnHigh 0 #23 October 13, 2004 .....so this one time.....at bandcamp...... Cora, play hookie and jump and it'll all be better. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ladyskydiver 0 #24 October 13, 2004 Quote.....so this one time.....at bandcamp...... Cora, play hookie and jump and it'll all be better. I finally saw that movie not too long ago. Always wondered what was so funny about that statement. I wish I could. Unfortunately, the weather isn't cooperative today. But, I do have a demo coming in the mail today. So...one hopes there is nicer weather this weekend to go play. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SuperKat 0 #25 October 13, 2004 QuoteNot bad pics...why the no hair in the end? Just prefer it shaved?The mullet pic didn't make you laugh? *ahem* yeah, I just like sportin' a scalp top. I'm not trying to hide anything....*cough* QuoteJust prefer it shaved? ok...now why do I think someone's going to take my last question a totally different way than I meant it?Quite honestly, I think it would look pretty funny if my top didn't match the bottom. Plus, it's easier to clean up after you finish doing the deed... What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
PLFKING 3 #18 October 13, 2004 Nah, I don't want Ivan's job. I just meant it was funnier the first time you posted it in this thread. Don"When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #19 October 13, 2004 Wow, Deja Vu all over again. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #20 October 13, 2004 Vinny, hon...I can just see you doing that. I soo wish I could have seen that. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peej 0 #21 October 13, 2004 Two goldfish in a tank, one looks at the other one and says: "you drive, i'll man the guns" got that via sms today, it made me chuckle. Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pajarito 0 #22 October 13, 2004 QuoteOk...yesterday was a bad day and today isn't looking much better. Make me laugh, please.... Look at yourself in the mirror and, whatever you do, DON'T......LAUGH! DON'T EVEN SMILE!!! Have a good day! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #23 October 13, 2004 .....so this one time.....at bandcamp...... Cora, play hookie and jump and it'll all be better. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #24 October 13, 2004 Quote.....so this one time.....at bandcamp...... Cora, play hookie and jump and it'll all be better. I finally saw that movie not too long ago. Always wondered what was so funny about that statement. I wish I could. Unfortunately, the weather isn't cooperative today. But, I do have a demo coming in the mail today. So...one hopes there is nicer weather this weekend to go play. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuperKat 0 #25 October 13, 2004 QuoteNot bad pics...why the no hair in the end? Just prefer it shaved?The mullet pic didn't make you laugh? *ahem* yeah, I just like sportin' a scalp top. I'm not trying to hide anything....*cough* QuoteJust prefer it shaved? ok...now why do I think someone's going to take my last question a totally different way than I meant it?Quite honestly, I think it would look pretty funny if my top didn't match the bottom. Plus, it's easier to clean up after you finish doing the deed... What's the most you ever lost in a coin toss, Friendo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
